My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting.
Man and woman kissing love is not enough
And every time we fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.
As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks like an albatross. We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years!
After all, love conquers all, right?
Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg into an oil patch. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this:
Here’s a news flash for you :
a) There is no right or wrong decision
b) Life is messy. You will never go undefeated against life.
c) The tricky part is to not make the same mistake twice.
d) You have one life. So live it.
e) Hindsight has perfect vision.
f) That chapter of your life is over. Your ship has sailed. Time for new adventures.
g) Appreciate what you learned from that relationship. What you will do. What you won’t do. Apply all of that to these new adventures.
h) Cut yourself some slack. Quit being worried about whether you are going to make a mistake or not. Who cares if you do? Is someone keeping score?
i) How are you expected to grow if you never try new things, never go to new places or meet new people. There isn’t growth without a little bit of pain.
j) Embrace the fact that you aren’t perfect.
k) Do you know what the difference is between you and the haters that try to tear you down? You got off your ass and tried to achieve the goal while they sat on their couch and heckled.
l) There are talkers and those that get things done. Which are you?
m) Screw what other people think.
“Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Shawshank Redemption