Mukti-bar, Bela-shesh

Presidency Jail, Calcutta

Mukti-bar, Bela-shesh

My dear Mansi.

Today is my farewell day. I said goodbye to everyone one by one. You are the rest. I wished I wouldn't hurt you the day I left, but I haven't said anything yet. So even knowing that I would be in pain, I could not suppress this unruly profession of mine at all. But you can't blame me for that, why don't you always have a deep belief that there are no other two in the world who are so selfish and jealous like me.

You never liked what I said. (Why, I'll tell you later), not even today. Still Lakshmi, read the letter thinking that it is a farewell-cry of being lost forever on the lost path of a wretched Lakshmi. Today I am very cruel, very cruel.

I don't know how many scars my words will cut on your spotless chest. But dear, in great pain, in great pain, today such a great rebel, such a great arbitrariness has driven me insane. So even today I have come to cry.

You also say, I am the executioner today, I am the killer butcher today. I will be a little happy to hear.

My mind is big scattered. So I may not be able to say anything. Don't go looking for discipline or restraint in the writings of those whose whole life has been full of chaos and irregularities.

Maybe what I start is the end, and what I end is the beginning. Actually, I don't want others to understand, you just have to understand. Fill my chest with these incomplete words and pain and fill your chest with words and pain. - Listen now.

The first thing I remember (I think you don't remember today), you asked me one evening, 'What are you going to do?'

Hearing this cruel question in my mouth, in your disease, the guru of impatient arrogance felt as if the floor of my chest was throbbing with pain!

Alas, my helpless pride! Alas, my humiliated unrequited love. I couldn't answer your question. Should not have been given. At that time, it was as if millions of young monks were weeping for the failed life and deep sorrow for the accumulated pain of the deprived youth.

The one for whom I am in so much pain asks, "How can your pain be better?"

I thought you were talking to me in pain just to make fun of me. So my chest pain was ten times then. I wrapped the pillow next to my chest and lay down on my back. I was most ashamed, lest you see my disobedient tears. Lest you know that my chest pain has increased again!

What could be more shameful and humiliating than to shed tears and be overwhelmed by the pain of the one who does not understand the pity of my soul? I couldn't even speak, I was afraid you would catch my tears in a wet voice now. Let God save me from danger. You stood for a long time thinking.

After that he left slowly. You seem to be laughing today, if I say, that, then, I felt as if you had let out a small sigh as you left. - Alas, my mind is blind, deaf, beggar! If that were the case, then at least I could explain why I lay down like that.

As soon as you left, my chest seemed to break in pain. I burst into tears of futile aggression and failed pain. Then it was evening. Then the doctor came, the relatives came, the friend came. Everyone said, - Heart function is very abnormal. The doctor said, "The patient is suddenly overwhelmed for some special reason." But Baddo is bad. It could be that 6. '

The rest of the doctor did not mumble, but I will fill it, - ‘Absolutely nirvana lamp house is dark. Or Doctor Babu? ’- I laughed but cried so much that many people did not take their eyes off it.

Really then my voice was trembling, my lips were wrinkled, my eyelids were wet. I lay down on my back again. No one could lift me even after doing a lot of hard work.

After blaming my stubbornness for a long time, my friends said goodbye. I also thank God in my heart.

Alas, won't these cruel people let me find peace by weeping a little in solitude? Suddenly I thought you came and took my hand.

In an instant, all my pain seemed to subside. There were tears this time too, but what a happy cry! However, it is not that there was no arrogance in this cry. Yet in the joy of that touch of yours, I forgot all my irritations, all my pains, all my pains, all my insults. I thought you were mine - you were mine - alone mine! Alas, eternal beggar! My heart is forever thirsty!

No matter how little you want to fill him with the fullness of your own chest, but your own people no more. After a while, I opened my heart to all of them again and smiled and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. If no one understands, maybe you don't understand, how such an anxious pain calmed me down in an instant. That happiness, that pain, only I know and my inner self knows. Yes, to be honest? It seemed as if you understood the pain a little? See? What a beggar my mind!

You do not know how small you think me! - Oh, even if I lie once, Lakshmi is happy to say that at least you know the cause of my pain in your heart, then I might not have fallen like that today!

My life would not have been the life of 'Devdas' without such a chant! - Yah, I lost my temper! -

Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like BT aint for me either. The next day it seemed to me that I would call you in secret and tell you why I was in so much pain.

I have been curious about your drink all day, if you come again and ask, what will you do?

Alas, unfortunate hope! Even if you forget it and don't pay it again! With the end of the day with anxious anxiety all day long, my soul also began to fall. To forget one of the shameless pains of my wretched soul, I started singing my favorite song with great sorrow, with great soul, -

‘You know Ogo Antarami

On the way I turned my mind.

Thoughts are my hometown.

Float only after their current,

I still hope,

They will stand at your feet, husband.

There were so many tears and smiles,

Repeatedly hanged!

Everyone just says bad luck -

"Where will you put your head in the evening?"

I know, I know, I'll get on your lap

Wherever you fall, head down. '

My voice became heavy with my eyes wet with pain! During my song, I could no longer fool the outsider. That melody then trembles and cries in my voice, that melody is not the cry of my voice, but the cry of my soul. Singing makes me feel as if there is at least one friend in this world like me who understands the pain and anguish of my soul, whose eyes get wet when they hear my song. He is my innermost being. It seemed to me that if I really had a sweetheart, she would say, 'Everybody's so miserable, where do you put your head in the evening?' , - 'Ogo, dear in my lap, in my lap.' You can't sing this song.

What an awkward greedy me, you see? You may have laughed and cried for so long after seeing my childishness and groaning!

You may be wondering how such a big arrogant, arrogant loser can be dragged down in such a way, how can such a surprise of such a small victory of such a world winner be such a big defeat! Think about it, there is no sorrow.

I think so myself. But the fear is dear, when you are not so proud - I know in an instant it will be broken and the salil will flow to Nayan.

Maybe that day you will understand the pain of my love. You will understand the meaning of my defeat that day.

It's a short story by Kazi Nazrul Iaslan❤