Everything Random

July 1, 2022

By and by, it's the first day of July! How is it that we only have two months til the 'ber' months? I'm astounded. Where have the months gone?

Today, my province-Southern Leyte celebrates its 62nd Founding Anniversary! Everyone here on this side of the country is having a long weekend. How cool is that?

Anyway, I don't have much to say about the province's history so I would just be answering random questions that I first read from @Ruffa. Was it her? I can't remember. I can't rely on my memory these days. Sorry!

1. What do you think about when you let your mind wander?

When my mind wanders, it doesn't think of anything specific. I just stare out of nowhere and then, my mind would also go somewhere I'm not familiar with. Sometimes it wanders through the taste of the variety of foods. Oftentimes it wanders to the uncertainty of the future. It imagines future scenarios that could benefit me. It also imagines the worst. But it also never fails to paint pictures of beautiful dreams turning into reality.

When my mind wanders, it also thinks about previous note-worthy experiences such as scenarios that are extra overwhelming and humiliating. There are so many places my mind could ever wander and I can't keep a record of all of them.

1. What is your biggest motivation for getting up in the morning?

When you are not rich, you simply get up in the morning without the need for motivation. As for me, I don't have the right to have motivation first before getting up. Growing up poor is already enough for me to not waste my time laying in bed. My responsibilities wake me up. No, they don't even let me sleep soundly at night.

My boss, the stress and pressure that the job gives me is already enough for me to show up early at work.

1. If you could go back in time and relive one experience or moment, what would it be?

I don't wish to go back in time just to relive moments. I only wish I never meet the people that I regret meeting. I wish I could undo the decisions that were made hastily. I wish I was braver and stronger back then. That's just it. I don't want to relive any moment from the past.

1. Describe three things you love about yourself.

I don't run after people. I do that before. I cry over broken friendships and I worry too much about them. I invest a lot of feelings in friendships but my friends don't feel the same way. I'm glad that through time I have learned to let go and accept the fact that there is a possibility for childhood friends not to talk the same way ever again. Now, I let them be. It's okay for me if they would think about me, and it's fine when they aren't.

I stopped caring about what other people think. Before I'm boxed inside the parameters I could only do things that could please everybody. Sometimes my happiness is jeopardized. I have sacrificed a lot and still many aren't pleased. So I quit that game. I have learned to stop considering how other people feel and think. I only do what I want and what I think is best for me. As long as I don't hurt anybody, then I think I'm good.

I don't kiss other people's feet. If they don't like me then there's no way for me to win them by pleasing them. I will just leave and go on with my life.

1. What are you most proud of, big or small?

I'm proud of myself for fighting my silent battles. Battles that I don't tell anyone about. I'm proud of having won over things that pressured me, stressed me and made me insecure. I'm proud of making it through even when I cried silently every night.

1. If you could do one thing without worrying about the cost or practicality, what would it be?

I would want to build my parents a house. One that is filled with supplies and groceries. I would also find a business for my parents to manage and treat them to travel around the world.

Woah! That sounds impossible. But who knows? Maybe one day.

1. Write an encouraging letter to your younger self.

I just want you to be brave, tenacious and unapologetic. Dream big dreams and sleep early. You got this.

1. What do you wish someone would tell you right now?

I wish after I lived my years on Earth that God would say "well done, good and faithful servant". That's all the affirmation that I long for. Everyone else's opinion doesn't matter and only sounds like a gong.

But I doubt if I could hear that from Him. I have gone astray and I know I'm getting distant from Him day by day. My expectations and frustrations have caused this. And I find it hard to come back to His palms as every day I'm struggling.

1. Describe one place you have always wanted to travel to.

I'm not that into travelling maybe because I don't have much to spare. There is no place that I have always wanted to travel to because all of the beautiful places appeal equally to me. But if destiny permits that I would happen to have an extra budget for it then I would want to be somewhere where no one knows me. Somewhere where there is sand, a deep blue sea and fresh air. I would also love to be in a museum and a big library.

1. How would you want to be described to a stranger?

I just want them to know me and draw their perceptions about me. I don't want to feed them with beautiful ideas about me because that wouldn't be the reality. I'm composed of good and bad. And it would be better for them to discover it themselves.

*lead image is from unsplash.com