I am a 21 year old and I have a chronic problem of underperforming in life.
In all the tests, quizzes, tasks which I have taken in life..I have underperformed. This is getting worse as time passes.
It has got so bad that I have become afraid of studying all together.
In my entire university and school life, the subject in which I understood the best, practiced thoroughly and had the most confidence about before the exam..I scored the least.
The first subject/topic I pick up to study before the exams usually takes most of my time and gives least of the output. Its so bad that now I deliberately don't study at all. I prefer cramming the night before any exam. I know if I study I will screw it up.
Friends suggested me to teach/explain what I have read..I did that.
The people who I explained the subject performed way-way better than me. It has happened repeatedly. So much so that I became popular in my friends as the "donator". I would donate my marks to someone if I taught/explained them something.
Once the guy who I explained the entire syllabus in a day before the exam got 60% and I failed. He came to me for help totally unprepared a day before and got average grade and I FAILED.
After that I stopped explaining what I read entirely. I have become totally superstitions about it.
I legitimately tossed a coin to mark my answers in 3 objective type mock tests (each containing 10 questions) at home and I got better results than I got when I tried to solve them. I studied for the tests for 3 days. Completed the syllabus and solved practice problems too.
I am now extremely confident that whatever answer I reach to in the exam will not be correct.
I don't think I have the aptitude to do well in academic life and frankly I don't think I have the attitude anymore either. I am tired of failing