100% PAIN

I just wanted to share my real life experiences during this pandemic hoping that will inspire and motivate every individuals who've suffered most in this f**king situation.

Few months before COVID-19 arises, my father was diagnosed for having "RECTAL ADENOCARCINOMA, STAGE IV", it is a rectal cancer that usually arises from ephithelium or the layer of cells which lines tha large intestine.It really affects his normal bowel movement, suffered from diarrhea and constipation. He carried those for about two months and my family decided that he was going to have a surgery in a private hospital for assurance. His surgery went well and after a few weeks of recovering he was finally released from the hospital.

After he was being discharged, I thought that everything was going back to normal, but I was wrong, this is where the serious problems begin. Three months later, some of his symptoms returned and we were shocked because his previous doctor said that the surgery went well and nothing to be worried.

In the following days he was getting worse and worse, we don't even have a choice but to admit him again, this time it was in a public hospital because we already struggling financially. The doctor assign to him said 'he must be observed within a day to make a concrete diagnosis'. After undergoing with different lab examinations, the doctor says that his previous diagnosis totally returned and there is also a malfunction from his previous operation and decided to operate him again, but his recovery depends on him. Two weeks later, it seems everything is going fine. When he almost a reach month in the hospital, unfortunately, he was infected with covid-19 and transferred to isolation room.

Then the staff of the hospital told us that there would be no one allowed to watch or guard every infected patient, in short, we are not allowed to enter his room to change his diaper, tshirts and even shorts coz the on duty nurse will do the rest. Then we just leave a contact information for emergencies and for some outside laboratories. That time our means if transportation is only one bicycle, there was no public transport coz the enhance community quarantine was already implemented by the government. But within just three days they contacted us that they need somebody to watch my father because he has two colostomy bags that needs to be changed daily. We've understand their concern because it was an additional hassle for them and for being a public employee. After they contacted us, we've planned that three us brothers will take turns in watching. But within just three days that the hospital takes care of my father, I've noticed that he was already naked he only had his diaper. (The isolation room of the hospital is only covered by plastic) . Then suddenly, I enter the isolation room without a proper protective gears other than surgical gloves. When I saw him upclose, I burst into tears at what I've been witnessed. It looks like no one cares for him, he has difficulties in breathing and his bed filled with waste came from his colostomy. Nobody attempted to check his condition for the fear of being infected. There are questions formulating in my mind, why they choose this kind of work? why choosing a hazardous field? for the sake of money?, those are the thoughts that I would like to ask for all the doctors and nurses working in that hospital. I was truly disappointed. 

I was cleaning my father , then suddenly his pulse stopped, I ran to the nurse station to ask for help, but the nurse on duty enter the room almost an hour late, because he was busy protecting and equippting himself with those protective gears, I can clearly see him from inside. And when he enter to the room it was too late, he wasn't able to revived my father and declared his time of death. I'm shaking and crying thinking on how to send the news to my family. That was the first time I've cried infront of others. 

Lesson learned, everything's happen for a reason and don't make those experiences a hindrance or obstacles to stepped forward. But to be honest, everytime I remember those memories my eyes are bursting with tears.