"If you marry wisely, you will marry your equivalent," said a poet. "But who am I like?" Maybe you can ask So the answer doesn't start with a look at the dance floor, but with an honest look at yourself. They also have flaws, personality flaws; They don't offer perfection. On the other hand, you have certain beliefs, talents, tastes and needs. Try to see them.
In addition, it is necessary to determine the preparation for her marriage. You can't just be ready to say “yes”. You must be willing and able to “love and honor and cherish” as marriage requires. Do you have a good understanding of what the roles of husband and wife mean? Do you have a realistic outlook on life, including marriage?
To be honest, evaluating yourself is a good sign of emotional maturity. And that is the quality that you have to see in yourself and in everyone you want to marry. When you think of a man married to an adult, it's ridiculous, ridiculous. But how sad it is to marry someone and find that a child's mind and feelings are in the adult body.
How do you rate the emotional level of others? Here is the key to making a good friend. Call it thinking, common sense, or discernment: it means that you can observe others objectively without your emotions “coloring” the truth. For example, when you see that someone always wants what they want, easily discouraged and abandoned, and struggling to be the center of attention, who do you remember? If it's a child. "Oh, but he (or she) is so cute!" You can call. Therefore, the individual is just a very attractive child. Think about it a little longer.
Many would scoff at this insistence on the ability to think. They claim that the basis of the esteem of others is pure sexual attraction: "This is real life". There is no doubt that sexual attraction is often a big factor. However, real life, everyday life, means more than just sex. In fact, how you get along throughout the day plays a huge role in your sexual tolerance. Even emotionally "grown" people recognize that you can be sexually attracted to a lot, even at the same time, but there are relatively few that you can easily identify with.
Therefore, thought and emotional maturity are necessary for those who seek a lasting and happy relationship. For this reason, young people face a particularly difficult obstacle. Think why.
Emotional adulthood: when?
In reality, there is no fixed age at which a person can declare themselves to be emotionally mature. Some never grow up. For one thing, you can be sure that if you marry someone, you won't grow taller immediately. Therefore, young people who want to get married should ask themselves a serious question: what is the likelihood that their future partner is emotionally mature enough? How would you like to face such circumstances?
“I don't understand what happened to us, but I don't like Bill anymore. I can not help myself. This is not the man I married.
“I left my wife. He can't give me what I need. It never will and never will be. I wish I had seen him before we got married. "- The marriage gap.
What happened here? There are certainly several elements. But probably one or both of them still had so-called mental and emotional "growth stimuli" when they got married. Although people usually stop growing physically in their late teens, sometimes even in their twenties, there are still many people around. a very rapid change in attitudes, tastes and choices. In many cases, it currently turns out to be an area code that turns out to be an area code.
Now think about the effects of early marriage on two teenage boys. In a very real sense, the two people can change so much that they add different personalities to the wedding than expected. Of course, the couple can work to overcome this obstacle. You don't need to take the negative attitude of the above.
But even among emotionally mature people, there are many areas in which it is necessary to distinguish those who are looking for a friend. One is your circle of friends.
Your relationship with other people
Everyone needs friends. But especially if you are getting married, you need to be careful with your associations. Why? Because if you do not live where marriage is "arranged", you will probably marry someone you know with mutual friends. And your social group will determine the caliber of the people you always meet. Before you start a romantic relationship, evaluate your friends.
Are you their "friend" because you give them something financial? Do you have important relationships with them? Do you really share the same beliefs and interests with them? Did their influence make you a better person? Looking at this circle may seem irrelevant, but it is not. You may need to make changes to the associations, remove some or gently "expand" the circle.
You will also discover that one of the best ways to meet a new acquaintance is to invite the "newcomer" to spend an evening with his friends. It's much safer than starting with someone right away, isolating the relationship and letting emotions distort reality.
At that time, one might think "what group of friends?" For many, it is very difficult to make friends and even find a potential partner. The problem can be shyness and insecurity. Sometimes it is very sensitive. In others, there is a feeling that no one is good enough, an attitude of superiority.
Anyway, be honest with yourself and work on it. When you need it, buy a ripe avocado. But do not isolate yourself. There is a biblical proverb that "those who isolate themselves will seek their own selfish desires."For whatever reason, the more you become yourself, the more self-centered you become, the less you offer others as a basis for friendship.
Happiness comes from giving, expanding to others. Communicating well with others, thinking about how to help and loving others are valuable resources for getting married. Retreating into a dream world, even if you are getting married, does not prepare you for everyday life with another imperfect person.
If they invite you somewhere, tell them you really liked it. Again, do not develop the attitude that people should always entertain you just because you are single. Be prepared to offer hospitality, no matter how humble.
But a word of caution here. It is not recommended to convey to others the idea that your only purpose in life is to party and "have fun". Strive to develop practical interests that enhance your mind. Take care of yourself physically because your appearance reflects what you think of yourself. Showing an attractive personality is also often a matter of balance. Try not to be so closed that you do not add anything to a group conversation or activity, and avoid the opposite extreme of being bossy and talking all the time.
If you decide to meet on a date, it is not advisable to meet more than one person at a time. You will be so emotionally confused that it is almost impossible to make a smart decision. In addition, you are actually committing fraud because you can only marry one person. In addition to harming others, you can develop a reputation for "flirting" or "cheating". If you are not sure what a person is and what they want, why stay close to you?
Suppose you find a growing mutual attraction between you and a "special friend". How can thinking and emotional maturity guide you in the garden?
A realistic construction site.
The court should be a happy time. If the tree that bears flowers in the spring bears bad fruit later, the flowers to remember are a small reward.
It's good to be able to laugh and have fun together. Walking by the sea and just "talking and talking" can be very meaningful. However, it must be remembered that the purpose of the trial is different: to prepare for marriage. If your date includes practical things like shopping or studying together, you will be better prepared for the crucial stage of the wedding.
And even if there is a strong desire to please your boyfriend or girlfriend, do your best not to “show yourself” or be someone you're not. Many end up practically on paper for fear of losing a future boyfriend. The question is: how long can this work? This is one of the reasons why a fairly long advertising time is recommended.
But even though dating is okay, how can you really be sure about your feelings and the “right thing” about marriage? When young people ask this question of married people, they often get a “you just know” type response. You know?
You realize that not only do you love him, but also reach a point of mutual trust. They want to do things for each other, to give of themselves. You can clearly see the many beliefs and interests that they have in common. And you recognize not only the current depth of the relationship, but its potential as well. It's all part of true love.
Young people today often go their own way and suddenly bring a stranger into their home. But the “old-fashioned” approach of telling older people about the person you want to marry and how you feel is wise. Often times, those who are not emotionally involved can help you make a more realistic decision.
The sincere Christian also understands the need to turn to the greatest source of wisdom, the Creator of marriage. A servant of God realizes that such a comprehensive decision deserves a lot of prayer and meditation. Remember the Bible saying, “Have you found a good wife (or a good husband)? He found something good and received Jehovah's goodwill.In the face of obstacles to a successful marriage, God's “good will” should be enthusiastically pursued.
Once you've made a firm resolve to get married, you can't afford to cut back on your efforts to meet your bride or groom. A university study found that "most engaged couples spend a great deal of their engagement time worrying about marriage and not sufficiently planning the type of married life they will have after marriage." In fact, when you get married, it is important to have a fearful attitude in order to know and adapt to your partner. It is an "investment" in harmony and happiness.
But some may desperately read these guidelines for making a friend. You've tried many of these tips and you're still on your own.
"I can't find anyone"
Today, many singles face the most difficult reality. Because of their situation (disability, age, family responsibilities), they know that the chances of getting married, if any, are minimal. As one elderly widow put it: "There are fewer men my age than women, and a lot of them care about younger women." What can you do when you find yourself in this situation?
Well, you might be thinking that most of what we've said doesn't apply to you. But think for a moment. We encourage you to be honest with yourself and to carefully develop your friendships. We encourage you to build meaningful relationships with other people instead of launching into a dream world. You will see that it is true that there is more happiness to be found and whether you get married or not, you will not regret having a positive outlook on life. It offers so much more.
Unfortunately, when an unexpected opportunity for a good marriage presents itself, some have indulged in such a state of mind that they will not be prepared. On the other hand, it's not emotionally healthy to be obsessed with what you don't have. It's just as dangerous as having a married person constantly changing the freedoms they would have if they were single. It will not bring you luck.
Many single people have realized that their path to happiness is to build a deep relationship with their Creator. Realizing that there is a loving God, finding out how much they care and how long they can live to serve Him gave them a satisfaction they thought they would never find.
It also resulted in nice bonds with other people who could help them. As one woman put it: “One of the things that attracted me most about Jehovah's Witnesses was the warmth and genuine spirit of kindness they showed. And the reception in the Kingdom Hall was very impressive. I was a very self-centered person who took care of myself. Biblical truth has shown me that giving is better than receiving. And surely a person among these trusted Christians has a much better chance of finding an honest and balanced partner.
The road to marriage today has its pitfalls and dangers, but you can use your reasoning skills to avoid the modern trend of "singleness" which is often just a series of disasters. By rejecting the most emotionally damaging myths and methods and following biblical principles, you have a much better chance of finding a good marriage. Strong unions continue to form. This is because there are still people who are engaged in this god-organized marriage institution, which still contains all the possibilities for lasting joy.
Good one