You Need Yourself More.

Hugging The Status Quo

People go through life constantly scared of change, hugging the status quo, because even though it is painful, it is familiar and navigable to them.

The fright of untangling from that usual feeling, of feeling something else, knowing something else, stepping away makes people prefer to stick it out in a toxic environment and hope it gets better someday.

Yeah, but it usually never does get better. Indirectly, because of that fear of the unknown, because of your cowardice, you become an eternal peacemaker, even on occasions where you're at the receiving end of hurt.

I think this situation is usually reinforced when you don't know your self worth, when you have a scarcity mindset instead of an abundance mindset.

Having an abundance mindset usually just makes everything so much better, makes every situation easy to handle because first, you know your self worth, so once you smell bullshit and any slight disrespect, you are cutting ties because there are options available for you.

When scarcity mindset is what you got and how you operate, you are usually scared out of your shit when you perceive change incoming, you start to panic, damn, now what am I gonna do, where am I gonna go?

Once your panic kicks in, you swing into action, you start looking for how to save the situation and stop the impending change. You compromise, sacrifice your honor and self respect.

It doesn't get any better from here because just like a shark smells blood and attacks, your abuser won't stop and will never respect you as long you are still bleeding respect and pride.

To regain your respect, you need to plug where you have been bleeding from. Many times, this involves walking away, standing up for yourself, saying no. It usually involves making hard decisions, no matter what you think you stand to lose.

Because, by hanging on, you are ultimately going to lose those things anyway, probably in a much more dramatic circumstance, after having lost every ounce of respect you got.

Master The Art Of Being Emotionally Independent.

We all need one another, that's a given but before you go needing another human being, you need to make sure that when the chips are down, that you can manage on your own.

Many times, what usually hurt us more during breakups aren't really the usefulness of those people in our lives which we no longer have access to, but the memories and thus emotional attachment we had created with those people.

This happens because we invariably lose ourselves in our relationships, we forget what it is like to be us, to be our individual selves. So, when breakup happens, we start struggling to find our path again, to realign ourselves to our individuality and this is often hard. It's just like a junkie going through withdrawal syndrome.

We lose ourselves in relationships because we go into them way too early, we fail to learn ourselves, grow and master ourselves, then we go into relationships and start growing our collective selves instead of our individual selves.

In other words, it is paramount for an individual to know themselves. This involves a lot of personality building. Building your mental fortitude by reading good books, meditating, journaling. Building your finances, building your body through fitness exercise.

Doing all these and more, helps you stay in tune with yourself, helps you remain physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically assured.

Our Neediness Is Our Problem

When you have yourself all sorted out, it means wherever you are going to, you are going with certain standard, it means whatever you are getting into, neither you or the other party would be settling for less than they deserve.

This ensures there is little neediness from both parties in the relationship. Less neediness, translates to less friction and drama, which ultimately translates to a healthy, level headed relationship.

Imagine getting into a thing with a guy who gambles, it doesn't go down well with you, you need him to stop but it's difficult for him and you in turn can't leave him because, aside his gambling, he "completes" you, he "takes" care of you.

You are settling because you don't have standards, and now you have become needy. The neediness is going to be a cancer to the future of your relationship.

I am not in any way saying that any one relationship can be perfect when people do or don't do certain things, but it becomes more enjoyable, less tedious and goal oriented when you go into it with the right tools and intentions.