The Unique View from My Angle
Since my adolescence, I figured I had been wired to see things differently. I see things that others usually wouldn’t see, in my head I always paint many possible scenarios of one particular event and how they may pan out. This puts me in a mode of perpetual paranoia. If I am going out on a first time date, I would imagine spilling food on my body and embarrassing myself in front of my date, I would imagine accidentally farting, I would imagine she accidentally farts and how I might react to that, how embarrassed she would be. (LOL. I am really not weird at all, all these are mostly just in my head)
Yeah, I know, my head is a mess, I paint some of the craziest pictures, but down the line, this has been a blessing more than a curse. I always anticipate the worse cases and try to make sure they don’t play out; I try to stop them before they happen. This has been one of the reasons I have an impeccable timing, I am hardly caught in the wrong place at the wrong/time...
Sometimes it can be frustrating, trying to make people see things the way you see them, trying to make people pre-empt situations the way you do and probably avoid any bad outcome. Since I have seen it as part of who I am, dealing with this frustration has also become part of my forte (such a big burden i put on myself).
My Service to Humanity (Usually free. LOL)
Sometimes I would find myself in a place filled with kids and adults alike, usually parents and their wards, whose welfare normally shouldn’t be any of my concern, but I find myself being more concerned for these kids more than their actual guardians. When they start playing the way kids play, I imagine them falling awkwardly and breaking a bone, I imagine them getting possible nasty cuts and thus I become affixed on them, unconsciously trying to make sure they don’t play with anything that might cause them any kind of injury. It doesn't help at all that I had once seen a little girl of about 4 years old or thereabout with a punctured eye, with water still kind of gushing out of it, looked a bit fresh like it had happen recently (How do you think this kid came about this punctured eye?) Damn!
Physical welfare of kids that I deem helpless isn’t always the center of my worry, I always imagine the kind of life those kids would be forced to have as a result of those injuries they might carry into adulthood, how negatively it would affect their lives, it breaks my heart when I think about it, a kid, whole from birth but ultimately losing a limb or being maimed from an avoidable incident. I always worry about their possible emotional bearing as adults as a result of these injuries, but, que sera sera right?.
It Doesn’t Get Easier, It Gets Difficult
This whole mindset is why I cringe at the thought of sexual deviants (pedophiles) and child molesters. Imagine scarring a child emotionally and psychologically for life by abusing them sexually. These kids grow up being abusers themselves and most times become unfit to be in the general human population, they end up needing rehabilitation (Prison/Psychologists/Psych wards). What would have been if their parents/guardians were a little bit more careful or if they had paid more attention?
I know sometimes, things are beyond our control, but sometimes they are within it, that is why it is logical to give your kids/wards 100% care and attention and if you aren’t ready to give that to them, then don’t have them until you are ready to.
Before I moved out of my family house, my nephew and niece (3 and 5yrs old respectively) would come to spend the holiday with us, majorly because of my mum (grandma) and she could do so much. So most of the time, I would be tasked (I task myself by myself) to monitor their every move, especially once they are out of the house.
We lived in an open neighbourhood, (open your front door and you are out in the open with everyone else) so my niece and nephew are always going into our neighbour’s house. In this neighbour’s house, there are two adolescent boys, I have seen how these boys, regardless of how little they were, were always up to no good, so I make conscious effort in making sure my nephew and niece are never alone with them at any point in time. In fact I was always mostly more worried about my niece. I could allow her brother go there and play but I was never letting her out of my sight. Sometimes the kids think I was being harsh on them but I was just sincerely looking out for them.
Being Exposed Too Early
My over protectiveness may have come from a memory that keeps sticking out in my head. I remember being kissed passionately by a female cousin of mine who had come to our house at the time for holidays. I was 8 at the time and she was 17, I remember having an erection (my first, I think) while she was kissing me, I didn’t understand what she was doing, but I knew I liked it and she looked like she was about to explore some more when an incoming footstep spooked her and she stopped abruptly and left me. I remember after that experience how much I seemed to be attached to her, emotionally, I remember feeling bad (jealousy i think) whenever I see her chatting and laughing with my older siblings). I wanted her all to myself, I wanted to experience that warmth she gave me, I didn’t want anybody to take that away from me. I was too young to feel the way I was feeling, but I really didn’t know what I was doing because I had been exposed way too early to sex/romance. We never really got to do that again, I figure the opportunity never came up or she got better from my older siblings. Now imagine if we had really engaged in penetrative sex, I might have turned out a sexual deviant as an adult.
Now, I don’t know what the statistics look like but I am assuming the male child come out better off from experience like this compared to their female counterparts. With the male children, it usually doesn’t tell much when a an adult female had abused them as opposed to the female children when adult male abuse them, the effect is usually worse on the female child growing into adulthood, she usually becomes damaged goods, reason why protecting the female child from molestation has become such a hot topic with feminists/social activists.
Assuming My Role in the Scheme of Things
Being a new dad (to a female child) and armed with all these past experience and knowledge, my paranoia is understandable, and somewhat warranted. I am overprotective of my baby girl, when she started crawling and would do some manoeuvres on the bed (her fortress), I always had my heart in my mouth, she would climb the couch in the living room without a care in the world, I imagine all kinds of things and a few times, I had been there (fortunately) to catch her from falling. I have caught her flask once on its way to crushing her pretty little feet, (she walks now so she is always everywhere, lifting things she can’t carry).
Being a parent (one who actually cares and is emotionally invested) is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, you are not only always physically drained, you are emotionally drained as well. (Her mum does her best too, but I try not to let her carry the entire burden).
Sometimes her mum would laugh at me and tell me to relax, she is just being a kid and she would be just fine. Well, I know she would be fine but I am not going to leave that entirely to chance now, am I?
Now, at my 1 year and 3 months old parenthood (Daddyhood), I am already an overprotective dad, and I am sure nothing is going to change. I am never leaving her alone with any uncles, male family friends, and no sitting on anybody's laps.
Although when she comes of age, I will try not to be weird about it, I would just do a lot of talking; make sure she understands what is what and the consequences of unwise decisions. I am sure going to enrol her in a martial arts class, so she could learn self defence and protect herself. I would be more at peace knowing she can stand toe to toe with any bully/abuser. I am pre-emptive, so best to cover all bases and be prepared.
Take Away Of My Entire Rant
· Be present in your children’s/wards’ lives, don’t have them if you are not ready to invest everything in them. Be present, be practical.
· Kids will always be kids but you still have to do your part as a parent/guardian. There is a reason why they helpless, they don’t know what they are doing half of the time, so they need you to always make decisions for them, even when they oppose those decisions.
· There are cases of pedophiles is on the rise, don’t trust your kids with anyone, especially family and friends, they are safest when they are with you.
· The female child is endangered, watch her like a hawk.
· When your daughter comes into her teen, enroll her into any self defense training; teach her to protect herself and her image.
· It is OK to be paranoid as a parent, it means you care; it might also be your kids saving grace in times of danger.
· The abuser is always from within, someone the family knows and trusts. It could be female abuser on your daughter/son, it could be male abuser on your daughter/son, dont count anything out, dont take anything for granted.
Wow! A good read!