Marriage is a game of compromise, you compromise at almost everything that makes you who you are, but how much more can you compromise, without actually having your true identity totally eroded?
The early stages of marriage, those stages when you haven't grown weary of your partner can be a total bliss sometimes, but it makes one forget that marriage actually takes practical work to make it work. Like practical, conscious, active work.
The new feminist movement, the new consciousness of the female gender that they should have equal rights in everything about a man/woman relationship has further put a spoke in the wheels of marriage. Don't get it confused, this is not an article to promote misogyny or one for advocating for a man's world, for total domination of the man in all sphere of things. This article is merely pointing out what is happening in many marriages because of the feminist movement.
Imagine a marriage between a woman who is pro-feminism and a man who doesn't give two clicks what feminism means or what the opposite of it entails. But this man, although tradition in many sense, loves his wife enough to compromise, to clean the house, wash the dishes, birth their daughter from time to time and all those other house chores that were traditionally 'a woman's responsibility'.
This woman, conscious of the ever loud feminist movement, enjoys these pecks from the loving and understanding husband. In fact, she enjoys it a little bit too much that she starts thinking that. oh, I think it should be like this, it should always be this way, after all, there are no rules that say I as the woman should do all those things.
Now, as a man, where do you draw the line? How much more can you compromise? Because the woman obviously has taken liberties and something needs to be done.
Unfortunately, the above narrative is the reality of most marriages, which I think is part of the reason divorce, has been on the rise recently.
If you find yourself as a man, doing the dishes, cleaning the house and cooking for the family sometimes, not out of romance or maybe your partner being ill, but out of duty, because probably you do not want to burden your wife, or you do not find it difficult doing those things, how much more are you willing to compromise for the cause – peace in the marriage?
Be aware that this woman has tasted power already, she is not going to relinquish them easily, and she isn’t going to just start doing those things without a fight. Do you let peace reign and continue ‘simping’ out, or do you make a firm statement and show her who is boss?
I think no matter how alluring the idea of a romantic guy might sound, the female folk are hardwired to respect firm and authoritative male figures. From experience, no respect ever comes out of ‘simping’ out to a woman because you think it would make you endeared to her or because you think you can win yourself some kind of emotional edge or you think she would love you more because of it. No, I think this is flawed thinking of men who watch too many romantic movies, and if you are doing it, you are running the risk of losing your respect, your authority and your voice in your home. There is a reason the good guys never win because the good guys are seen as soft, thus they can be used and dumped with no fuss at all.
Respect is needed for every relationship to thrive, marriage is no different. As a man, you need to understand your place in the family; you need to play the leading role, literally. If you relinquish your nature’s given powers as the head of the family, as the commander in chief, then you also relinquish your respect without knowing it.
Finding yourself in this sweet spot means your marriage would either spiral out control when you fight to gain your respect back and everything would be lost for good, or out of some special psychological manoeuvring skills, you grasp your powers back and bring back the respect that you once had.
Plotting some kind of coup to grasp power back and swing the tide of respect back to you becomes your only option at this point, and the success of this coup hinges on one thing – before losing your authority, were there some semblance of love and affection left in the relationship/marriage? If there were, then your success right is significant, but if there weren’t, that means it is already too late and you are fighting an already lost battle.
Whatever the case might be, plotting this coup is a risk worth taking, unless you have come to the realisation that there is nothing more for you in the relationship, nothing worth fighting for anymore. Because if you by some miracle you gain this respect back, without the existence of any trace of love and affection, then it is just a matter of time before it the machine finally comes to a grinding halt.
When going about recovering your power and authority, you are going to run into obstacles and bumps on the way in the form of emotional blackmail from the woman. In fact, it is going to be emotional warfare and you need to brace up and stay true to your mission. Do not get physical with her, when she lashes out, remain calm and don’t go into a shouting competition with her, you would be playing a losing game.
Recovering your power and authority simply means you stop ‘simping’, do what you ought to do as a man in the house and not what to you are expected to do as a ‘romantic’. You don’t need for it to be spelt out to you one after the other, but if you do, then you truly deserve the base level you have found yourself in because there is no salvation in sight for you my friend.
If you managed to save your marriage, then it had some potential to start with, but if you couldn’t, then it was a waste of resources and good riddance.
Take-Away From My Rant
- Swallow some red pill.