This is Chapter 4 from my newly released first book, 'Shadow Worked.' You can get the whole book (or just the first 2 chapters free) at ShadowWorked.com
Before Sunrise, on a warm muggy morning in early September 1994, the author found himself facing another period of isolation from the world. Similar to the Dark Night of the Soul period he experienced years later, but this time he would not be walking a solo path. This time he was with roughly 80 other men who were standing alongside him on the infamous yellow footsteps at Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, South Carolina.
Above the two silver doors, or as the Drill Instructors instruct the recruits to call them, portals, these words are set:
‘Through these Portals Pass Prospects for America’s Finest Fighting Force.’
Marine Corps boot camp can be one of the most transformative time periods in a person’s life. Similar to a DNS period, the recruit finds themselves hidden away from the world. Not totally alone, but the author remembers it as the most isolating experience in his life up until that point. The U.S. Postal Service was the only form of communication with the outside world, other than maybe 2 or 3 ten-minute phone calls home to his family over a period of about 3 months. This leads the author to talk about some of the differences between a DNS experience and that of boot camp. The author plans to show the reader that boot camp is very similar to a DNS. However, the author also makes a case which states from a certain point of view, boot camp and a Dark Night of the Soul experience can be shown to be an inversion of each other. Similar to how one views their own backward reflection in a mirror, just not so precise a copy.
The author started his boot camp journey with about 80 other men. He also knew the exact day in early September that the training would start, as he knew the exact date in late November 1994 that everyone who made it through the intense training would be graduate. From the very first day of boot camp, he found himself going through the same training as every other recruit in his platoon. Most of this training was done by Drill Instructors screaming directly into the ears of the recruits. The author was very blessed to be taller than most of the other recruits and super loud, himself.
These two factors seemed to allow him to not suffer as much as some of his fellow recruits. Not that it made much difference, but at least the Drill Instructors were constantly in his face yelling as they were with some others who weren’t as loud as him. This was a secret the author learned on the way to boot camp from another recruit who had a friend who recently went through boot camp. This guy relayed the message that as long as you are as loud as you can be they will leave you alone for the most part. Great advice!
From the author’s point of view, all of the recruits in his platoon were largely treated as a collective. Not only did everyone dress alike, but they also ate, showered, shaved, shat, and slept together in very close proximity; as in 2 or 3 recruits peeing at the same time in one Porto-potty toilet. On top of this, everyone in the group was punished and rewarded collectively a great majority of the time. When one person makes a mistake, everyone pays.
This psychological tool is known as collective punishment. The author will say that it seems to have the spectacular effect of making the recruits police their own fellow recruits much more diligently. Thus making the job of the Drill Instructors not only easier, but in the author’s opinion, actually possible, being there were four of them assigned to train a platoon of almost 80 men.
Proponents of collective punishment will say that it strengthens the team bond. The author cannot really argue with that particular point. He can, however, point to another common side effect of collective punishment. One that he witnessed firsthand while in boot camp. It was a scene, not as severe but very reminiscent of the ‘blanket party’ scene in the Stanley Kubrick film, Full Metal Jacket. The first half of the movie is set in Marine Corps boot camp at Parris Island, SC during the Vietnam War. The author highly recommends the reader get familiar with this movie if they would like to get a solid understanding of how psychology in Marine Corps boot camp looks in action.
In the above mentioned scene, mostly all of the recruits in the platoon get together in the middle of the night while the Drill Instructors are asleep. All but one recruit, that is. They get together to carry out an act of revenge against this one recruit who constantly keeps making mistakes. The author won’t give away what happens in the scene but will talk about what he witnessed and why he believes this side effect of collective punishment manifests in the first place.
As was the case when the author was in boot camp, sometimes a platoon will have one recruit that stands out for being generally terrible at boot camp. In most cases, even that of the author, recruits possess talents or will excel in certain aspects of the training, and less in others. Maybe they are great at running but can not get a spit-shine on their boots to save their lives. Perhaps they show some superb skill at the rifle range but really struggle in the pool while completing their swim qualification. In slightly rarer cases, a recruit comes along who can’t seem to do anything right no matter how hard they are pushed. They seem to struggle with every aspect of the training.
Such a person keeps making mistakes over and over again. Whether they are constantly screwing up movements while marching on the drill field or always falling behind during a run. Their constant sub-par performance often lands the entire platoon in trouble. When it becomes a pattern the Drill Instructors will actually exclude the offending recruit from the punishment. Set off to the side, just like Private Pyle in the ‘Doughnut’ scene of Full Metal Jacket movie, to watch as the rest of his platoon does push-ups while he ‘enjoys’ a jelly doughnut.
At first, when a recruit like this is falling behind during training, other recruits will reach out to try to help them. Sometimes though, after constant screw-ups that lead to grueling punishment, a group of recruits will get together to plot revenge when no one is looking. This revenge manifests itself in several different ways. In the movie, Full Metal Jacket Private Pyle got a good beating.
As he stated earlier, the author witnessed something a little less severe while he was in boot camp. There was a recruit in the author’s platoon who kept making mistakes. These mistakes resulted in a ton of extra push-ups, running, and trips to the sandpit for the rest of the platoon. So on the night before a major uniform inspection, some of the other recruits got their revenge by filling his dress shoes with shaving cream. This may not sound too terrible to someone not familiar with shining shoes, but this guy probably spent countless hours working on his shoes. That added to the humiliation of the inspecting officer really reaming him for his ‘piss poor’ shoeshine would make one wonder if the poor guy would prefer a physical beating over such a stressful situation. The author hopes that through these examples, the reader can get a look at some o the ways in which behavior is molded during Marine Corp boot camp.
Another tactic the author noticed was that the Drill Instructors seemed to make a habit out riding certain recruits harder than others. These select recruits were either the ones doing the best and those doing the worst at that particular time. The author noticed this very early because he was doing well with many aspects of the training. Then he observed that the Drill Instructors picked up on this this and began to feed his ego in front of the other recruits, as well as in private one on one sessions. Soon after this, the Drill Instructors began to ride the author hard and nit-pick every little thing he did. Once the author picked up on this he found a less hectic spot in the middle of the heard and began performing a little less stellarly.
While reflecting back on the events of boot camp for this book it became clear to the author that the behavioral changes he manifested during boot camp manifested in a similar manner during the major Dark Night of the Soul period he went through. To him, it seemed to be a total inversion. Like a mirror image just less clear. More like one’s reflection in a still pond on a cloudy day.
After some analyzing, the author appreciated this apparent inversion all the more. Similar to his DNS experience, in boot camp, his behavior was majorly shifted. However, the changes were not made based on his own intuition and what felt right to him at the time. Instead, his new behavior was molded by the direct direction of the Drill Instructors. Instead of looking within to solve boot camp’s presented problems, the recruits were rewarded for accepting the answers from outside. Just as many institutions in this society train people to be dependent, boot camp seems too continue this trend and throws into high gear people’s need to rely on external sources for validation. One’s own intuition is increasingly ignored in favor of the orders issued by the people in charge.
This makes perfect sense. The goal of boot camp seems to be too produce obedient cogs who fit into the Marine Corps machine where they are needed the most. It should not be hard to argue that this scenario chiefly meets the needs of the Marine Corps over the needs of each recruit, individually. As every recruit already has a destination in mind for them. Sure, the recruit can sometimes choose the general occupational field in which they wish to work. For example, the author was able to request that he work in the field of aircraft maintenance, but was not able to select for himself anything specific like the type of aircraft. He really wanted to work on helicopters, but was sent to fix fixed-wing jet aircraft aboard an aircraft carrier instead. Ahoy, shipmate!
In the author’s opinion, this is where the most important difference between boot camp and a Dark Night of the Soul period can be seen. While undergoing a DNS period, one chooses the particular changes they wish to undergo for themselves, based on the new aperture they just recently acquired. This new aperture is often set by an epiphany or some rock bottom moment this person experiences. As opposed to programs like boot camp, where there is a predetermined goal already in mind for the individuals about to undergo the experience. A strict set of well-tested guidelines in place that get the desired results.
Because most DNS periods happen randomly, there is no desired predetermined goal for one to attain. It’s not an assembly line-like process resulting in the same perfect product every time like Henry Ford and his Model A. Instead of having a predetermined goal set for what completion looks like, one wading through Dark Night waters wanders warily with only internal intuition as their guide. Not a screaming Marine Corps Drill Instructor or the nagging worry of a bunch of other recruits exacting revenge on them. Just a subtle internal feeling directing their actions to mold their new behavior.
When contrasted in this manner, it should be easy for people to discern for themselves that a DNS is more about a path to freedom. Whereas procedures such as boot camp lead one in the complete opposite direction and toward a life of dependency. Could it be that an individual on either journey is on the same path, just walking in different directions?
The Dark Night of the Soul period experienced by the author was an interval of time when he adopted new behaviors, explored new philosophies and ways of being, which fit his new worldview. A great example of this was his diet. The food that he eats these days is drastically different than what he used to eat years ago before his shift in behavior. This again is the total opposite of what he experienced while in boot camp. While there his meals were the same as everyone else’s, except for maybe a religious exemption which no one that he knew had. The other exception was if a recruit was overweight. If this was the case, they were put on a limited diet chosen for them by their superiors.
During his time in boot camp, the author was subjected to several different types of behavioral modification tactics for nearly 3 months. As he trained his aperture was being set by outside sources to fit the behavior he was being rewarded to adopt. Sometimes that reward was just not being screamed at by a Drill Instructor. So instead of experiencing a life-altering epiphany or rock bottom event which caused a shift in his point of view, as was the case with his Dark Night of the Soul experience, where he changed his behavior afterward based on his own intuition. In boot camp the author changed his behavior first, following orders from above resulting in a slow shift in his point of view which happened secondarily as a result of the behavior changes. Again, a full inversion.
The Author will tell one more boot camp story to highlight another aspect that is paramount to the success of the changes that occur during boot camp and a Dark Night of the Soul experience. This memory is of the day the author was to tackle the ‘Rapel Wall’. For those unfamiliar, the act of rappelling involves a person using a rope to quickly scale down a flat vertical surface like a wall or rock cliff, as well as from elevated surfaces such as a helicopter skid or tree limb. This was a really fun day where the author got a peek behind the curtain so to speak.
The author and his platoon would march by the Rapel Tower often on the way to many of their early training exercises. Because they would not face it until fairly later in the training, the author always seemed to see the tower as a reminder of a super challenging obstacle that lied ahead. As the days drew closer to the one where he would face the tower his fear and excitement grew. Fear of the unknown and possible injury, but a genuine rush of excitement because moments like those are a large part of why the author joined the Marine Corps. Not that he is an Adrenaline Junkie exactly, he just enjoys a little good ole fashioned adventure on occasion and the activities associated. This experience reminded him of the different rope swings that he visited with his friends in the summer between his high school graduation and his leaving for boot camp.
This time, however, there was no water below, although some of the rope swings were more dangerous in comparison lacking any form of safety harness. Especially the particular swing that could land a person on large rocks from a height easily over 30 feet, if they let go of the rope too soon. Because of this, he believes he was able to have an easier time than some or most other recruits. He was one of the first down the wall and off of the mock helicopter skid. He skipped the fast rope because it wasn’t from a very high height and was more of the beginner warm-up and familiarization of the process for the recruits which the author knew he didn’t need. He went straight for the wall which was the high one and then the helicopter skid. Yes, he definitely felt fear, but he still rappelled down and felt great doing it.
The author finished earlier than most recruits and was told to collect the rappelling seats from others as they finished. He kept his Drill Instructor within sight and a little while later witnessed him stop a recruit from another platoon to pick on him. The Drill Instructor kicked a nest of fire ants (very common to the area, and carry a painful bite) that was next to the recruit. Since the recruit was standing at attention with his eyes facing forward he didn’t see it happen. The Drill Instructor then told the recruit to move over which put him directly on top of the ornery ants.
The Drill Instructor began to ask the recruit all kinds of questions as the ants climbed his legs. After a few minutes, the Drill Instructor dismissed him and the recruit ran away in pain, but the author has no idea what happened to him. The author did get to ask the Drill Instructor about it weeks later though. During one of the last nights in boot camp, our platoon was with that particular Drill Instructor and he was letting the recruits ask him random questions candidly. When the author brought up the incident with the fire ants the Drill Instructor came as close to blushing as the platoon had ever seen in three months before he composed himself and said, “You saw that?!” After the author answered, Yes, sir!” he made a joke about the author being smarter than he looked, and like a politician in a press conference kept it moving with the next question.
So in the same way that Drill Instructor could likely not get away with this type of behavior if they were not in such an isolated setting as boot camp. It should be easy to see that if the recruits went home to their families every night or even just on weekends, the training would not remain as quick and efficient as it is now. It seems isolation plays a vital role in the efficiency of this type of training. Just like during a DNS period where a person seeks isolation to adjust their behaviors. In both scenarios, a person is away from familiar ties long enough for the new behaviors to become adopted. In a DNS the instructions come from within. In boot camp, they come from Drill Instructors and the other recruits thanks to collective punishment.
Closing this chapter, the author hopes that he has laid out a clear enough case for the reader to understand the two different ways in which he discussed how a person can alter their own behavior. Laying out this case by contrasting the differences between and pointing out the similarities of boot camp and a DNS experience. Further highlighting the fact that the supposed similarities between boot camp and a DNS experience seem to be a total inversion of each other. Like a mirror image. It would seem only correct to conclude that of these different ways of behavior modification, a DNS seems to be more beneficial to the person themselves, individually. While boot camp is much more beneficial to the particular institution conducting the training. Sometimes directly benefiting while the individual or a group of individuals is being harmed themselves.
It is these two specific methods of behavior modification the author will discuss in regards to 2020 in the following chapter. No conspiracies or uncovered secret plots or even bad guys to blame. Also no theories about any supposed illness. Just observations that anyone holding the appropriate point of view could appreciate.