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Change is constant – this is a popular phrase that almost everybody of us knew. Can we do something about change? Or we just need to embrace the change?
Here are a few tips to deal with change
Acknowledge that change is part of your life
I know this isn’t necessarily that helpful. But I think it’s important that we try to recognize and accept that change is always happening. Some of it we have control over, but most of it we don’t. And if we get ourselves a chance to really come to terms with the fact that life will keep moving, people will change and you’ll be asked to change to. So if we do that, it can sometimes help us get unstuck or see things than we were before.
I personally love to remind myself of this fact because it means that nothing will stay like this forever. It has to change and that thought can honestly be a little freeing, too.
Let ourselves feel the loss, upset, anger, sadness or whatever it is that you may be feeling
Give yourself time to feel it. Talk about it, journal about I, complain to a friend, therapist or family member about it. It’s okay, and just so we make sure this time is beneficial, try and keep this venting, feeling time focused on how you feel now. Why this person or place or thing was important to you and what you’ll miss in the future.
Try to stay out of lamenting about things that we should have done or should have said or living in the past experience that we can’t change now. Or, pretty much you know anything that could pull us back into the dark pit of hopelessness or helplessness. Let’s try to focus on the present and what’s happening now. How we feel now, what we liked about that thing, what we’re going to miss about that person and all of that. Stay in the present as much as you can.
Write a story that we’re going to tell ourselves about this loss or change
Are we writing a sad story? Maybe it’s hopeful, possibly pain-filled or grief-filled. Or are we trying to predict the future already? Or are we feeling hopeless about what’s coming next? Maybe we’re excited about the change and what’s it going to bring to us. But take some time to write it all out. No judgment, just be honest with yourself and your process.
This can really help us kind of see what we may be already assuming, or how we’re truly feeling about something. This can be like another way to get into our grief, or upset or sadness or even excitement and figure out there it’s coming from and what we’re really telling ourselves about it.
Write out a story you want to have about this loss or change
Sure, these two stories can be the same if you’re feeling okay. But these two stories can also be very different. It’s very common for us to get stuck in a certain type of story and we can be so stuck that all the stories in our life have been the same style and feeling to them.
For example, we may only know how to tell sad, hopeless stories or to always be the victim in a story. Or we only know, maybe, how to tell happy, excited stories. It’s really hard for us to tap in to sadness or anger. But either way, we’re filtering our experience and only letting yourself see our life in that way. Does that make sense?
We’re only able to tell certain types of stories and that can limit our ability to overcome any change, upset or even stop us from seeing our life clearly. So spend time some time on this tip. Consider how you would like to view this change. And know that just by practicing this, you can actually alter the way that you think about it. It’s like therapy magic, I promise.
Increase your self-care
I know it seems like everyone is talking about self-care lately. But no one really tells us what it is, or defines it. And no, self-care is not just getting a massage or taking a vacation. Self-care can simply be texting a helpful friend when we need some advice or a new perspective, or walking around the block. Think of anything in your life that brings you the slightest bit of joy or gets you excited or helps you feel better. Then do your best to work in at least one of these into your daily routine. Maybe you could get up five minutes earlier so you have time to sip coffee, watch then news and do some of your breathing. Or maybe you want to take a bath once a week and take some time to relax. Or plant some new flowers in your garden, or just take am minute to breathe and stretch.
Whatever you can make time for and afford, let’s try to do that more. Remember, that it’s actually less about the change that’s happening and more with how we think about it. So, notice if your thoughts are pulling you in a direction that you don’t want to go, or telling you a much filtered version of the story. Then you can go back to the story you wrote. The one that you want to have about this change. And reread that one. You can even take it as far as to consider what you could do today to work towards that story.
One thought and one step at a time, we can move closer and closer to it, until the story we want to have, is the one that we are currently living.