There's a idea called "the middle way" in Buddhist psychology that can make life a little easier.
"There is a middle path between the extremes of indulgence and self-denial, free from sorrow and pain," the ancient Indian son of an oligarch turned spiritual master we now call Buddha told his followers.
Our natural way of life is indulgence. We follow every whim of our minds into the past or the future, replaying memories or thinking about the future. We indulge, like a gripping Netflix drama, in a plot that sweeps us away.
Denial is a little different and much more damaging, but just as normal. It's our inner critic, lifting her poisonous head as a "should" or "shouldn't." I'm not supposed to think about these feelings. I'm meant to be a little skinnier. I shouldn't be so scared.
They both drive us away from the only place where life happens, the present moment. They both keep us at a distance from tasting our food, savoring the night sky mystery, or feeling the love of someone for us.
I got a front row seat to my rejection last weekend while RV camping with my parents. I saw firsthand how judgemental I can be in such close quarters. I judged my mom for relentlessly cleaning up. I judged my dad for talking the ears off everyone. I even blamed myself for too much judgment.
One morning, I judged my parents' two regular poodles for not putting away their food bowls after tripping over a bowl in the middle of the RV. How dumb!
Instead of following our normal habits of indulgence and escape, the middle approach is embracing whatever is happening in the present moment, even emotions. Waking up to the infinite possibilities is the middle road. The middle course is liberty.
The Buddha once invited a musician into his house who was frustrated by his practice of meditation.
If you tuning your instrument too tightly, what happens? "asked the Buddha.
"Breaking the strings," answered the guitarist.
And when you string it too loosely, what happens? "No sound comes out when it's too loose," the musician responded.
"Not too close and not too loose is the string that creates a tuneful tone." "This," the Buddha said, "is how one should practice: not too close, not too loose."
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