@MizLhaine
On Lending Money to Family Members and Close Friends
What will you do if a family member or a very close friend will lend money from you because they are in need? Will you allow them to borrow money and expect them to pay on time, or would you not expect them to pay at all or would you gift the money instead so that you would not think of collecting it anymore.
Lending money to family members or close friends is one of the things that can cause conflict or issues to some people. Most often, when we lend money to these people, we experience delayed payments or no payments at all because of the many circumstances. I am advised by one friend that whenever a family member or close friend ask for loan, I would allow lending with an amount that I can just take to forget. If it will be returned then good, but if not then don’t think about it anymore.
In an article in How to Lend Money to Family Without Ruining Your Relationship(s), the author cited 9 rules on lending money and the author's points are very relevant. The author emphasized on **thinking about the money to be lent**, discussing with partner first, **lend money that you only have**. If somebody borrow and you don’t have that amount, say NO instead, it would be hard that you will be the one to borrow to other agencies or other person and if circumstances will happen, you will be the one to pay for the debts which is not actually your own. I have known someone who experienced this. He lend an amount to a friend and the collateral is their house but that friend run away and left him paying the debt. Worst, the house is sold instead, to pay the loan. https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/borrowing-lending-money I also like the author's idea of **offering other help or alternatives** instead if you don't have money available. Maybe referring another solution, a job opportunity or ways like asking help from the government or right agencies especially when it's about medical cases. And again, the idea of **gifting the money** instead is also included in the points. I for one experience this many times when my mom had been hospitalized. Most of her sisters and my cousins offered help not expecting for any return and for that I am so thankful. I am also doing the same, especially when someone would lend money for medical purposes. One interesting point as well is the "**withholding judgement**". When we lend money, we should withhold judgements with them, especially when they buy new things and they cannot pay you. Or forcing them to do something for you because of "utang na loob" or they are indebted to you. It's emphasizing the beauty of kindness in this kind of situations. Of course, it would not be easy especially, if you lend them a big amount and then they were not able to pay you but they were able to buy luxurious stuff. But I think, **charging them or reminding them about their debt** is also not bad as well, especially when you need the money the most at that moment. It should be done in a nice way though. If they cannot pay the whole, then let them pay what they are able to give at that time instead. Conclusion Family members and close friends are dear to our hearts, when they are in need, we are really affected and we can be compassionate to them. To be able to maintain the good relationship, be kind in lending money and think about it many times. If investing says, only invest an amount you can afford to lose, then, I must say, ***lend an amount you can afford to forget.*** ***How about you? What is your stand and experience about lending money to family members and close friends? What are your practices? I would love to know in the comment section below.*** **Disclaimer:** This topic, maybe, is sensitive to others, this is just based on my experience and point of view. We may differ to each other on handling this kind of situation. Lead Image: Image by **Niek Verlaan** from **Pixabay** https://pixabay.com/users/niekverlaan-80788/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=427528 https://pixabay.com/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=427528 Links If you have a passion in writing you are very much welcome in read.cash 👉**https://read.cash/r/MizLhaine** And if you want shorter messages, see you in Noise 👉**https://noise.cash/u/MizLhaine**
16 comments
They say debts can ruin a friendship. I believe that. As much as possible, I only lend money to those who I know will really pay me. I give an honest but kind "No" when the amount is big, and that I can't afford to lose it. I also avoid lending to the people I respect, as I know I would be too shy to collect from them lol. As much as possible, I avoid lending money as much as I avoid being in debt. It makes my life more at peace.
Yes, there are many friends I know who ruined the friendship because of debt. I admire how you manage to say No especially when it's a big amount. I couldn't agree with you more on avoiding lending and being in debt can make life more at peace, no worries and no heartaches.
True po. Good morning. :)
Good morning din sayo.
Yung mama ko ang hilig umutang sa kakilala at mga kaibigan. Yung sa tita ko, parang di niya nababayaran, pero ok lang naman siguro sa kaniya kasi yung ipinautang para sa bahay. Kaya ako, di na ako mangungutang. I'm still contented at things I had as of today
Yong mga utang ba nya para sa mga needs ninyo? may mga times talaga na ang mga magulang ay nagkakautang para sa pamilya, para matugunan ang mga needs. Yes, contentment is really a key, kasi sometimes, napapadami utang natin kasi gusto natin makabili na kahit na ano ano, hindi naman talaga need. Keep going ka lang.
This is very common mostly us Filipinos, we felt guilty if we cannot lend some to our relatives and friends. But the problem is, it becomes a habit sometimes and the moment you cannot do them the favor they will get disappointed and tend to badmouthing.
I totally agree with the habit. This people will always make "utang" and will not pay and if you are not able to give them what they need ikaw pa ang masama. This is really a sad reality. We should not tolerate attitudes like this, we should learn to say No para hindi na nila maging habit.
we have a rule, lend only a portion of what they are asking and think of it as a gift.. if they return it, then its good, if not, then it would be the last and final time that they'll be able to ask us...
That's a good rule, actually that's what I am doing too. I will tell, oh this is the money that I only have right now. Learning to say NO for the next time especially when you have a bad experience with them is also a good option. Thanks for sharing.
How many people have trouble differentiating between a loan and a gift? Even people who are very close to you. If you are truly okay with the idea of giving, go for it. If not, start practicing your excuses. Either tell them I just don't have the money it or just give it to them. No strings attached. Good afternoon, sis!
That's the word, "no strings attached". I agree with the trouble on differentiating things between loan and gift, why on banks they can pay and not on relatives. is it because the banks are more strict? I hope the responsibility of paying will be the same.
Well, I would have to respond to this based in my personal experience. Helping out during times when family members are in need of financial isn't a bad idea. If you have to take that step, don't give out what you can't let go. The reason is not far-fetched. Family most times may want to take chances that such assistance come and may not be refunded. Through my personal experience, it could lead to break in family ties. It's preferable you choose to give out on charity than to lend.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts based on your personal experience. Because of our love to our relatives and friends we help them out, and most of the time it may not be refunded. That's why your thought of giving it on charity is commendable. It will make us afterall happy, because we are able to help without expecting of an exchange.
Kuu pag si Mommy ko yan, kahit pa kapatir or pamangkin ang umutang, ang utang ay utang, walang kapamilya pamilya. Yong iba kaso, porket kamag anak baga ee lilimutan nalang ang lahat, ee kasi diba di naman ganon kadali humugot ng kwarta. Maigi mo sana kung imadampot lang kaso mo hindi, hahaha. Ako naman, well ako pag meron di sigi go. Pero magbabayad, hinei pwdng hindi.
Ang firm ng principle ni mommy, differentiate talaga nya ang utang sa bigay. Every utang is treated as utang na kailangan bayaran. Mabuti din para magtanda yong iba. Agree, hindi naman natin pinupulot ang pero, we worked for it and masakit pag di tayo nababayaran. I think, namana mo din ang principle ng mommy mo, maniningil talaga.