Being loved is the best feeling isn't it?
Peaceful and happy life that was my life before you came. My life become more exciting when I make you part of it, you add spark and excitement in everything I'll do because it's all for you. For you my love.
The first time we saw each other is in a birthday celebration of a friend in a resort, we are in the same circle of friends but completely stranger. It made me chuckle when I always catch him staring at me then taking off his eyes of me when he is being caught by me and pretended that nothing happened. I want to laugh very hard because there' s a boy who want to flirt with me but doesn't have a courage to do it and in Philippines it's called "torpe".
Then one day after a month someone pop up in my messenger, saying "Hi" and that is him, the boy in the resort. I didn't reply quickly in his chats because I stalk him first and I saw that he have a good look also he is a friend of a friend. I just think there's nothing wrong with entertaining his chats maybe he can kill my boredom but I know he felt that I'm not that interested with him I just answer all of his questions about me and it made me smile when I think he looks like an investigator becuase even if it is little information about me he wanted to know it then after a days he told me that he like me and he wanted to court me. I said "no" because I really don't like him and I'm not yet ready to be in a relationship but because of his persistent he made me said yes, maybe he's right there's nothing wrong with trying, if it will work, it will work then if it is not then let go each other.
Month of December we're always together even we are in a getting to know each other stage we look like a couple because we are always seen together and the happiness everytime he went here in my house is priceless. I felt so important cause he make an effort just to be with me and when we are together it feels like we don't want to get away from each other anymore, everytime that he need to go home we wanted to extend the time even we were together the whole day, he's so sweet and always let me feel loved and important that's why after a one and half month we're officially a couple .
At the beginning of being officially together it is full of love and joy. But after a weeks of being together I felt that he changed, his sweetness and attitude towards me has changed. I know that's normal but I ask Lord why so early? I expect the changes is in after a months but why after a weeks? Then our First monthsary came and before that day I plan to make an LSM or Long Sweet Message for him even if it's not my thing I wanted to do it because it's for him but the Long Sweet Message turns into a Long Sad Message because he forgot our monthsarry,our special day. How cruel right?
I feel unimportant that day It hurt more because the reality is, If I didn't remind him he will not remember our special day. Do you know the feeling of being hurt emotionally at the same time physically because the pain he caused to me made my heart in pain literally, the feelings that you cannot breath properly. I have many past relationship but this one is different, this relationship made me feel different pain and emotions. I started to think if he trully loves me. I also ask him "am I important to you? and he said "yes". He said sorry of what he have done then I forgive him. But it's sad that in every time he says sorry whenever there's something wrong he did then I forgave him as always then back to normal but he doesn't change at all.
Way back then he always went to my house just to be with me but now I'm the one who find ways to be with him. The happy conversation we had turns into a cold one it's like we're just doing our obligation as girlfriend and boyfriend messaging each other to make an update but there's no spark and thrill cause it's like a question and answer conversation there' nothing more interested about it, every Iloveyou's we said it feels like an ordinary word. There's no spark and sincerity. Until now we're still together hoping to fix our missing love for each other.
I still choose to stay because I realize that it's not always about being happy together. Relationship is like a life, there are too many struggles to come. It's just really a matter of handling it maybe on the other day everything will be okay. Even if it is very hard to stay I always find ways and reason for me to stay and fight. My love for him is enough reason even it hurts inside because it's like the love he gave for me feels like it was gone. It's too hard to stay in a relationship if you're the only one fighting for it but I'm here still hoping.
