My father told me that men don't stay at home. He said men were (are) suppose to be out hunting all day to bring in the spoil for the family in the evening.
What again did you father tell you? I asked the old but vibrant man as we climbed the stairs together. We met at the premises and exchanged greetings only to realise we were visiting the same person.
Many things!
Where Is your father?
He passed on many years ago!
What do you miss personally about him as a son?
What kind of father was he?
Share with me some cool memories you have about him?
What kind of home (environment) were you raised?
What will your children remember you for when you are no more?
Can you share precious moments you've shared with your kids as a father?
Your father flogged you several times for every mistake you made! Do you flog your kids same way you were flogged?
Your failures were thrown to your face and you were shamed several times. You roamed the village freely and Bush searching for Bush rats to hunt. You were on trees plucking fruits. Do you allow your sons indulge in these?
Your mother had you at 18years of age , and your father was barely 20 when he fathered you! Things have changed!
You never knew how gizzard tasted because your father said only men ate gizzards. Women left the gizzards for the men back then! So do you serve your children gizzard? Or you want to Wait for them to become men !
Our parents did the best they could do with what they knew. There were no books or few books. Again many had no access to them. So they in turn did parenting the way their fathers did it.
Have you considered the time and age we are in? Your father bought you slates and chalk to learn, so why are buying books for your children instead of slates. Your kids should eat on the floor beside the fire place like you did not on the dining table.
Do you have a pit toilet in the house? No! Why do you ask?
Because I am aware that in the village where you were raised there were no water cisterns back then. There were no private schools so you attended a public school. Why waste so much on a private school when your kids have access to free education like you did.
You will fault many things here right? So you intentionally change them. So what happened to staying home to SPEND time with the kids! Our grandparents spent time at the farm working but not alone. They were assisted by the children and women. They ate together and learnt a lot. They passed on valuable lessons as they worked side by side.
Today men and women work mostly outside the home , with the children in school and extra classes. Most do not even get to see the children not to talk of teaching them or training them. That aspect has been dedicated to the teachers and nannies!
The same children you want to be like you when they grow up. Abeg na for cup dem wan drink am? Na DNA?
What am I driving at. Many men today will be better if only they had a father figure to learn from or to mentor them. Most men today are trying to read and assist their wives in this area. But why assist your wife in parenting? These children are yours, so it is your responsibility!
As you play the role of providing for your children please spend time at home with them. Education is not just about books and classrooms. You need to pass down a lot to your children and through them. How will your role of providing food speak love to a child whose love language is words of affirmation! , when most times all he gets to hear from you is "stupid boy why are you not like your mates"!
Many people today do not remember the fees their fathers paid. They remember the times they needed their fathers and couldn't see them.
My father said , my father said should be weighed and viewed side by side with the children we have today and our style of parenting. Be deliberate, more intentional about parenting.