But if you are gauging your effectiveness as a parent on how happy your kids are with you and your decisions, that’s a big mistake.
“If you’re doing parenting right, your child is going to be upset with you a significant percentage of the time,” says Pat.
“Even though they’ll fight for the right to do it, they really need us to be the bottom line boss. Of course you get their input. Of course you validate their feelings, but you make a decision on what’s best for their maturity, structure, protection and what is going to enable this child to grow and develop in the most optimal way.”
Pat says that it might feel difficult at first, because children have access to so much technology and information that they can seem precocious and can out-argue you and even sound mature because of verbal acuity at a younger age.
But they’re not mature and they’re not ready to make decisions for themselves. They still need you to take charge and be the adult, because despite what you may think, their brain won’t mature until closer to age 30, according to Pat.
Furthermore, Pat says that kids who are given privileges they’re not emotionally equipped to handle teaches them the wrong thing—that their needs and wants are more important than anyone else’s.
“And that builds entitlement.”
Even more reason to reexamine how you’re approaching parenting and whether you’re getting the results you’re hoping to achieve.