The truth and lie in the darkness.

I have come to tell you my story of lies and truth. Tell me which are the lies or guess what are the truths. Or am I telling the truth? Or you are being lied to and manipulated? Have you ever been into those nights whereas you feel so alone, so dark yet it brings comfort to you?

This is my entry to prompt. And this week I made a lot of twist. And I opted to let your imagination run. And these topic, is a lot darker than you could ever imagined. If you have wounds about abused you could run away now. Or any experience about physically hurting oneself. Run now. Because there lies a truth in between and it might trigger ones emotions. I know the feeling. You. Have. Been. Warned.

Definitely not suitable for young audiences.

It started and it lies between darkness and light.

I repeat, you have been warned.

I was alone that morning, but it was the darkest past of my younger years.

I was ten and I was sexually abused by my cousin, into what extent, you could only imagine. I don't want to go with the details. I fear to tell it to my best friend because she's his sister. I fear to tell it to anyone, because they might tell me I am lying. Am I lying? Would I lie about it?

I was thirteen, my body starts to mature, when, someone from the trike driver intentionally laid out his hands to touch my growing bosoms, unsuccessfully. Every day, from that day, whenever I went out from the class, I saw that man. That trike driver man. Would you believe me, if I told you? Or would you tell me I am hallucinating, or even lying?

I was fifteen when I visits my favorite cousin, and once when she left me into the dining, his brother appear. Showing his dick on me. And whenever I saw him, and he saw me alone, during the daylight, he would show his dick to me. And I would run away so fvcking fast. Would you even believe that? Or would you say I am imagining things, or even lying?

Never in my entire life, could I ever imagined that, I would be afraid to be touched even just a touch. Just a single touch and I'd scream of distance. Or even near on men would make me feel a lot of worst. I wanted to run. It fears me. I fear me. I fear a lot, specially men. To me they are predators. Some look like an angel, but most are devils inside, because they want you -- be dead or alive.

Whenever I bathe I feel so disgusted, so I stay away from water.

It will took me only 5 mins to shower. I hated to stay in the water it brings back how dirty I was. How unfortunate I was. How weak I was. Why it does have to be me? Why it needs to be me? When I start to opened the shower the water flows, and memories start to shows. It was so unfortunate that when we went to a trip, in the nearby sea, I swam my hatred, and my feet cannot anymore make movements, I scream for help, when I start to have shortage of breathing, my feet cannot touch the ground, I am panicking. Fortunately I was saved, and now I wonder what it feels to be dead. Could there be more hurt? Will there be no more memories?

When I told you I am not afraid of heights, I am afraid to fall.

I am not afraid of heights, I am afraid because I might jump off. Because the urge of falling deeper, is too strong. Enticing. Whenever I am at the stairs, I can imagined myself, rolling on each step. Falling. Too fast. When I am at the top of the building I refused to look down. Because all I can think, is, what would it feels to be dead. Though the scenery looks alive and the life looks promising, my future is still blank. I refused to live longer and meet a lot of people who'd put a scar on me. I am afraid. I am in fear, that all these dark forces coming from the light, would take away my sanity. Could there be more more worst?

I cut it deeper to feel that I am alive.

I tried to avoid it, but I couldn't. I cut my wrist, deeper, and put an alcohol after. I feel hurt and at the same time, happy. I feel the overflowing excitements, running through my veins. Because one thing is for sure, I am alive. Definitely alive. I never did it just once, but whenever I wanna fill those voids inside, to wash away those numbness I felt. Someone is telling me to do it. There's this voice, and it haunts me. And those blood that I bled, are the truth that something is going inside me and Its telling me to wake up. I don't cut to die, I cut to feel that I am alive. Could there be more worst?

I feel the comfort in the darkness.

Whenever I am at the dark, I feel more comfortable. It makes me feel that days will get better and brighter. When I am at the dark I am allowed to cry, no one can see me, nothings gonna trigger my fear. I am at ease, I can hide from the truth of yesterdays. I can be me. I can think clearly and no one could noticed the darkest unhappy me. And I wish every single night, every moments, I wish it was all lies. I wish to wake up from these nightmares.

They say you are free if you forgive, and I did. But I feel more dirty. I feel more wounded. I feel more fear and weak.

Though they said that accepting the truths could save you, have you ever wonder, that its better to stay as a lie. To save you from the dark, miseries and hurt.

Should I tell you I am lying? Or what are the lies? One thing is for sure the events are the truths, but the lies, resides to who had experience it. I maybe am or I maybe not.

Leaving you curious.,

The untold stories of darkness.

Voices of the abused.

This is my entry to the prompt challenge by Miss Jonnica. And I challenge you guys to write any stories about darkness,  @carisdaneym2 @crimsonowlkk @Ruffa and @Constant1995. Guysss sorry for the tags. I mean it this time. Haha. Dont forget these notes when writing;

The article should be:

• Anything about Darkness...

• 100% original content....

• At least 600 words....

• And don't forget to tag @JonicaBradley

Thanks Miss Jonica for these prompt!

Thanks to Cherry Laithang laicho for making the lead image available freely on Unsplash 🎁 https://unsplash.com/photos/NmPpz1jA_JE

Thanks for reading my darkest thoughts! I have made this in my dark room, and I found out that there are overflowing words running inside my head. And today I discovered that darkness is the best time to create dark scenes. And I find it odd. Lol!

Tell me, what do you wanna know? The lies or the truth?

Loving you bored and curious,

Meyzee

Ps. If you believe me its the truth. If you don't its a lie.