Half quarter life crisis

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A couple of years back, everything seemed to be going great and everyone was busy achieving the dream we started to build. But lately, there was so much pressure around my circles. Though, I knew I wasn't ready to commit and still undecided for the future I will make. The deafening pressure is recognizable. 

I never want to settle that's for sure, but my father when I got home last christmas wasn't directly asking me of what I have planned for the future. Or if I want to have my own family. I can feel that he already wanted to have grandsons or whatever, since most of my cousins around my age already have a family. And I overheard on their conversation with our uncles that I have a problem with my gender. 😆 He didn't say a word, but he kind of like assumed that I am a member of LGBTQ. I don't have any problem with the gender, I mean I can be whoever I wanna be, but with how I portray myself made him assume I am. And the thing that even made him prove that I am, was my lack of interest in having a relationship. 😆 

Or maybe I am confused too like he thinks. Haha. Kidding! 😝

Ha. I could have interfered with their conversations but that would be inappropriate. Haha. He was a strict parent so what should he expect? 😄 Won't allow me with project overnights and ojts on the city, back on college. And my aunts who raised me always said that I should pursue my dream first before settling down, and don't be like those who married at an early age. And the idea got me so in love with freedom. 

But the fact that this year, almost all of my college friends are posting pictures of their babies and prenuptials, is making me feel a little anxious and old. I don't know, maybe I was a bit jealous that they already found what they want to be in life. Be a housewife, raise a kid or whatever, and here I am still planning to take another degree, looking for seminars and additional licenses. More on self improvement, to get a high paying job to save and build a business. 😃

I know I shouldn't be pressured but thinking about it sometimes, I would ask myself, what have I done wrong? Or why are they moving so fast? 😅 I know I have shorter legs, but not too short to get the same pacing, or whatever.

Also yesterday, I was talking with a long time friend and asked about some plans we made in the past, and she told me that she already changed her priorities. And we are not getting younger anymore, and although we don't feel like our age we need to realize it, and she is now more focused on stability.

Wow gone are the days we were talking about little to huge dreams, vacation to different places, books we plan to collect, alcohol sessions. And all we talk about now are lifes hard and routinary, we are getting older, we should be making our business, investing and marriage. Haha. We really are old. Lol.

I can say that although I am a bit pressured I am enjoying all of the stuff I've been doing lately and the plans I put ahead of time. Though my priorities aren't focused on relationships and shits, I am focused on learning new skill sets that will boost my qualifications as a professional.

Plus, there are also factors that I slowly realized, I plan to just settle and make business in the province. I plan to just take care of my Mother and Father, in case my two siblings want to settle down in different places.

Although it may seem out of my character, routinary, stuck but the idea is making me move forward. 

The only thing I could say when you start feeling left behind. Make sure to remember that dealing with this kind of feeling is valid, and you are not the only one feeling trapped or realize you are getting older and still stuck. Learn new skills, habits and channel your frustration by pursuing something that will boost your energy.

Time can only tell what the future holds. 👀

Thank you for reading!

Lead image from unsplash.