An Unending Tale Of Return

It's been a long while my friends, and I have missed writing here on readcash. I can't quite say I miss everything about it, but I missed the human side of it immensely. It was hard staying away from all the friendships and acquaintances I was quickly building here. Not to mention the development in my writing, vocabulary, and general understanding and usage of the English language. I have missed these things, but for some reason, they haven't seemed to serve as enough motivation to bring me back and make me stay since my first break.

I don't even remember exactly when it is now that I took my first break. However, I do know that since then, I have made several efforts to return and despite all my efforts, I don't seem to be able to stay more than a few days. You may think maybe I have more important things in the real world that is drawing me away, but I don't know so. I have tried to use this as some form of justification, but a part of me is at odds with the "excuse". I think it has nothing to do with my activities in the real world or the amount of free time I have. You might wonder why I assume so.

Well, for one and the one only, I have had more free time these past few months than I had when I originally joined this platform, but that hasn't translated to more time here, instead, it became less and less, until I went MIA. I think it has to do with something of the mind. How so?

To understand why I would make the assertion, we have to remember what motivated me to join the platform in the first place; reward. Even from the beginning, my journey here wasn't rosy, especially as my number motivator was the money. There's been a cumulative long time I didn't earn anything despite working my a*s off, and the other times, I was earning so little compared to my peers.

Overall, why there have been great rewards in terms of development, but it has also caused me a lot of mental stress and anxiety. I think that is what is blocking me from actually making a real return; the fear of having those feelings of anxiety and mental stress returning. You could say it's a form of PTSD😅. Once again, here I am with another attempt at a return, with probably the same fears lurking deep within me, howbeit unknown or unacknowledged. I would like to think something has changed, but I don't feel that way.

Wow! I just went through my writeup and I find it quick melancholy for a return speech, can be quite misleading actually. I am happy to be writing again, no matter the uncertainties. It's been a long while, almost feels strange now. I guess I'm just going to let myself get used to it all over again.

It's funny though. Almost feels like I'm a newbie, and I expect it's going to feel that way away, and that will also reflect in the number of views and comments this article gets. Got me feeling almost nostalgic for the good old days. Anyways, it's nice to be back with you guys. Hopefully, it works out this time.

Thanks for reading this article.