I've been through a lot, next year I'll be better

Good evening dreamers!! How are you? I hope that everyone is safe especially those who experienced the earthquake earlier. Are you really okay or are you just pretending that you are okay? Nevertheless, I hope that you found the happiness that you really deserve. No one deserves to be trapped on those loneliness and dark aura. If no one told you this, I want to say that you doing a great job and it is enough to be grateful in life.

Just a few more days and we will going to say goodbye to the year 2022. What's your feeling about the remaining days? Of course we should be grateful because even though life is hard, we are still here kicking and alive. We should feel bless for those blessings that we receive everyday. I know that some of it is very small but we should still appreciate it. We should be happy if our family is healthy. There's actually a long list on the things that we should be thankful on this year 2022. Sometimes, we just don't realize it because we are too busy prioritizing other bigger things in life.

If I will describe this year, I can say that it is one of the most challenging year not only for me but also to many people. If I compare 2022 on the previous years, I can say that I've been through a lot this year. It seems that this year covered by toxicity and bad news. Even though that the quarantine was already lifted and it seems that we really getting back to normal, I guess that there's still a doubt and fear inside of us because the virus is still there. Not only that, we also encountered a lot of financial problems because of the continuous increasing of inflation rate. As they say, budgeting is most difficult job to do now since everything increase in price. In connection to this, the price of the crypto such BCH continuously decreasing. Aside from that, wars and conflicts can also be observe this year. Sometimes I even wondering if we can still get the world peace since the world seems so chaotic nowadays. A lot of happenings and don't know how to handle everything. Life becomes harder and tougher everyday.

This year, I've been through a lot personally. I experiencing mental breakdown so many times. I even doubting myself on my capabilities as a student and as a daughter. I'm teary eyed realizing that this year, I also choose to cut off some close people in my life. I am sad because we end up like that. Emotionally and mentally unstable, that's the exact feeling I have this year. So many break ups that I don't know how to manage at once. What's funny is I handle to motivate other people but deep inside, I am drowning on negativities. I pitied myself because I should be the one who pick me up but I am also the reason why I found myself in the dark. No one's to blame but myself. I also commit mistakes and I have stumbled many times in life, sometimes I choose to do nothing because I am afraid that the situation became worst. Unlike before, I admit that I become coward this year. I can't find that old Mayiee who is energetic and active in life and very optimistic on her life. I feel like my confidence washed out and I always feel I'm tired in life. Is it normal to feel like that? Aside from that, I missed a lot of opportunities because I am afraid to take the risk. I feel like I restrict myself to explore and learn something new.

2023

In remaining days of 2022, I promise to myself that I will make the most of it. As much as possible, I want to create happy memories so that I will remember that this year also be kind to me. Another promise that I made on myself is, next year I'll be better. I want to be better not only for myself but also for others. I motivate myself not to settle in just a corner, I need to go out outside my comfort zone in order to grow. The mist important thing that I will do in next year is to protect my mental and emotional state. I know that it is still uncertain what might happen on the another 365 days but I am hopeful that 2023 will be my year. I just hope that it will be kinder and hopeful to everyone. I'm also looking forward that next year, we are still here writing and inspiring people.

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I guess that's all for tonight's blog. Thank you always for staying at my side. Have a great sleep ahead!