"Certified Papa's girl but we are not close anymore"
At the beginning, I can say that I am a Papa's girl but suddenly everything was changed. When I was a kid, he always buys me an ice cream and my mother tells me that I always wait to my Papa before I go to sleep. Honestly, I can't remember that because I'm too young that time. When I was 4 years old, my Papa decided to work in Manila and he leaves us in the province. That time, I begged him not to leave and I said that I don't want to go to school so that he would not have to leave. But of course , he leaves. He even told me that I should go to school because if I get an award ,he will come back to us. So, I study hard because I really want to see my Papa again. I become the first honor when I am in Kindergarten and I'm so excited because he promise me that he will come back. But he didn't. He said that he can't leave his work because once he leaves there, he will have no job to return to. That time I'm so mad at him. As time passes by, I'm used to that kind of situation. He didn't attend to my special days like my birthdays and graduation. That's when I started to resent my Papa. I thought that his job is more important than me. 12 years passed before he came back to us. I'm no longer excited to see him because I know that he will leave us again.
"333 Days with Him"
When I was in college, my family decided to sent me here in Manila to study. I don't know what should I feel, should I be happy because I can be with my Papa everyday? Or should I worry that we might not be ok? On our first month being together, It's so awkward because I barely talk to him but I still respect him. I know that he was trying to get back the old times when we are so close to each other. Until one day, he came home drunk and he called me and he said "I know you're mad at me because I'm also mad at myself because I feel like I pushed you to stay away from me but remember that I'm very proud of your achievements and I love you so much anak". I couldn't stop my tears from falling and I immediately hugged him. He is the first person who said that to me. Someone's who is proud of me. After that night, we gradually went back our closeness. He don't forget to celebrate my birthday and other special days. I'm so happy because I had my Papa on my side. I always count the days we've been together. It's already 331 days. But life is like a wheel, it's not always about happiness. The day that I avoid has come, the day that he will gonna leave me again. June 24, 2020, 8:00 P.M ,my uncle called my auntie and said that my father can't breathe and they will take him to the hospital. I begged my aunt that I also come with them but she said no because there is still virus outbreak. I can't sleep because I'm waiting for the update until my aunt calls, 11:49 P.M. She said that me and my sister should go to the hospital immediately because Papa is in critical condition. They also called my mother and other siblings on the province to go here in Manila. When we got to the hospital, I became weak because I saw how many tubes on my Papa's body. The doctor said to us that my Papa cannot survive because his lung is already filled with water. That time , I want to hug him so tight but we can't because of the health protocols. We could do nothing but watch him how he lost his breath. June 25,2020, 4:00 A.M my Papa passed away. It's almost been a year since that day but it still hurts every time I remember that. It's only been 333 days since we've been together again and he leaves me again. I still cry every night but I know that he is safe now there in heaven. I know that he still is proud of me. I know he is still here beside me and when the right time comes, I know we will meet again.
My Last Message for Him
I know that you can't read this anymore but I want to say thank you for being my crying shoulder and for being my secret keeper. Happy Father's Day. Thank you because you always boost my confidence and teach me how to treat others right. Sorry if I got mad on you and if I always ignore you. I'm really sorry Papa. Please take care yourself there. Don't worry about Mama and to my siblings because I will take care of them. I've never said this before but I really love you Papa. Please hug me tonight because I really miss you. I'm okay now but I'm still missing you.
I see you are new here. Welcome It's a touching post, but allow me a small advice: divide your text in paragraphs; it will make it mush easier to read and it won't look so compact.