10 months of Losing and Building myself

As the new month has begin and this year are about to end, I want to make a glimpse about what happened to me this whole year. I know that it's a bit early because we have still almost 2 months left but now I want to remember what I've done and what I've overcome for the past ten months of the year.

This year is not easy for me. Since the year has started, there is so many struggles that was given to me. I was abandoned by my love ones, even I wasn't prepared at all. They are gone forever. Lots of friends also turns into a strangers, I dont know if it is our choice or maybe their part to my life is over. I've cried a lot this year because of the unexpected happenings . I become so vulnerable as a human being. I admit that there's a time that I think that I'm a failure. I couldn't do anything but to overthink and stressed me out.

I lost myself for time being and I dont know where and how can I back myself. It's really hard especially that I know to myself that I'm still trying but even I'm doing my best, I still lost. I'm still alone on the cold breeze and no one can offer a blanket to cover. I asked myself if what happened to a jolly girl inside of me. Is she really tired to hide her pains? Is she really need a rest? Did she need to leave me on the time that I needed her the most? I'm crazy, I really don't know how to fix a broken self.

But on despite on that negative thoughts of mine, I still tried to find the light within me. It's not easy because I only have myself and shadow to protect me. I couldn't imagine that I can still be able to witnessed the beauty of being alive again. I feel that someone is really helping me and He reminds me that I'm not alone in life. That I have Him through darkness and light. I gradually find the right recipe on life.

Through searching, I realize that I'm not really a failure but instead I'm a fighter. Who can imagine that this young lady can able to slay even she's so broken inside. Who can imagine that this girl inside of me can be a inspiration to others. No one can imagine that unless ourselves realize it within us. I honestly changed at all but for better.

I becomes so weak before but as I step in life, I learn to stand up and to face my problems. Cure my own wounds and to swipe my own tears. I finally found the answer to all of that negativities and you know what is it? It's my strong " faith" on Him. He made me realize that I can find a peace if I put Him here in my heart. I don't say this to be perfect or good to your perspective but to remind you that if God finds me , He can also find you. You only need to open our heart for Him. I'm still struggling in life but with Him, I didn't doubt that I can't make it because I know that I really can and you can as well.

Aside from being back on my track, I becomes a bit motivated in life. I'm so eager to explore something new to enhance myself until I found this two platforms. At first, I thought I couldn't stay here for long especially in read cash because of my schedule, dramas and also laziness, but look at me now, I'm still here sharing my random articles and stories to you. In this platform, I also found another space for me. A space that I can release all the heaviness that the world gives me. I can able to inspire somehow to some user. I can able to help others through my earnings here and have some saving of it. And the biggest flex about it is I also able to have virtual friends that I can talked about my problems. Maybe I dont know you personally but your encouragement and concern to me is actually a big help to me to survive again. If I didn't find this, maybe I am still searching for a place that can really accept me as being me. An imperfect young lady.

This year, I also tried to give my best on my studies. I always remind myself that I'm already a 3rd yesr college and I need to be serious because I only few steps away from my dreams. They said that when I finished my studies, the real world is about to slap me that hard. I want to become ready when that happens. Maybe, you can read my rants in noise but one thing is for sure, I still able to do I even its really difficult and even I need to suffer something. I can't say that I will able to ace all of the subject but I'm hoping that I can able to passed. Aside from being an ordinary student, I also tried to fulfilled my responsibilities as their representative. I want to lift them up and I hope that we can reach our dreams together.

It still refreshing and vivid to my mind all of the moments and struggles I've been this past 10 months. I'm glad that I able to overcome it and able to enter another page of life. But if there's one thing that I will bring to the next chapter, it would be the lessons that I get from here. I lost but I also able to build myself again. Going back to my journey as a human being is really necessary in able for me to move forward for tomorrow.

Greetings!!

Hello my fellow crazy dreamers👋👋 How's your November 1? As the new month was begin again , I'm still hoping that all of us are happy and able to find the peace of mind this month. But I also want to remind you that don't stressed out yourself too much, have a rest also okay?? Keep safe and always choose to be happy and contented.🤗🤗

Thank you for still supporting this little crazy dreamer. Your support, comment and upvotes is really appreciated. Let's all nailed staying here🤗🤗