The Loss Series: Who's Family?

It was the 9th day of the year 1973, Mazi Nzeogwu was about to retire to bed, when it dawned on him that the compound of Mazi Nwadugbo was unusually quiet. Over the years, the people of Emele village have come to know the Nwadugbos for their late night gathering which causes enough noise but has come to be nothing but a beautiful symphony to the villagers. Mazi Nzeogwu was really tired, but he couldn't ignore the feeling that something must be wrong in the household of his friend. As if that was not something enough to cause him to worry, the last two lanterns outside suddenly went off.

Against the will of his tired body, he came out of his hut and headed towards his friends coming. As he approached, he heard hushed voices inside his friends hut and without thinking twice, he could tell that there were at least two people in that hut whose voice he couldn't recognize. It was obvious something was wrong. Armed with that knowledge, he went to Mazi Okafor's hut to call his attention. Both men armed with cutlasses headed towards the hut of their friend, long story short, fifteen minutes later they had managed to save Mazi Nwadugbos family from two assassins whom were going to have their fill of his wife and daughters before they did away with them.

It was the 16th day of the year 2019, Police officer Adeyemi Philip was heading home from work and took the road beside Dr Maxwell's house. As he took the left turn, passing through the front gates of the doctor's house, the dogs which usually rained barks on him as if he hadn't had enough from his superiors were not there as usual. Having had a stressful day, he was too tired to notice and just continued driving. Thirty minutes later, as he sat down to eat, he heard what ( for a police man ) was a gunshot and in no uncertain term could guess it was coming from the doctor's house. Five minutes later, there was another shot, but as he stood to look out the window, the wife ( a towering figure by all measure ) stood on his way "what are you doing" she asked. He knew better than to argue, he simply ate and went to bed only to wake up to the news of a dead (and multi-violated) Mrs Maxwell and Dr Maxwell with their only child missing

Okay, I know you are thinking, what's going on? Well here goes, two starting scenarios set in two different centuries ending with different outcome. It's simply a reflection of how our society has changed over time. In the 1800s-1900s even before the different entities that make up Nigeria was forced together ( to satisfy Luggard's ego and pride ), people were living in units I would call communal families.

Communal families refers to a group of people not related by blood or genes, with something in common living together as a single family unit. Everybody living in a community saw themselves as one family, children could wander off for days, sleeping and feeding off from people who weren't their immediate family and the parents would have complete peace of mind knowing that their child's "other parents" ( which could be any other adult in the community) will be taking care and looking out for them. People knew their neighbors and knew them in detail. Look at the first case above, because Mazi Nzeogwu cared about his neighbors, he was friends with them, he knew their ways and that knowledge helped in noticing that things were wrong and he was able to save the day.

Communal way of life was so ingrained in them to see each other as one family so much so that communities were paying to sponsor the child of a single member to school abroad. Children were always thoughtful of their actions as a result of the fact that they were always within sight of their parents as long as any adult was around, because whether or not they are family (by blood ), they will give you a taste of the rod of correction and your parents will send a gift over the person when they hear of it😂😂😂. It was hard to see a family go hungry a day for lack of food cause they had people to look out for them. Back then "blood was by no means whatsoever thicker than water"This kind of living birthed a society where there was so much love and rightful upbringing, and environment that is needed for proper child development. Children bred by this system never saw crimes nor vibes as options, they knew to work out, they lived by societal code, norms, values and culture. It encouraged peaceful living which is a recipe for progress and prosperity.

Fast forward a few decades, the complete opposite is what we see. You dare not scold nor correct another person's child or else you and the mother go put leg for the same trouser😂😂. Children are no longer allowed out of the house to play with other kids. People have started living lives that mimics the kind of houses they build these days, fenced. In today's society, two families can live fence to fence for years and barely know each other name and as we can clearly see from the second scenario above, a situation like this is not only bad but can be disastrous and fatal. People now care only about themselves alone and this is reflecting in our nation at large, where different group of people will rather pledge allegiance to sub-units ( criminal or not, violent or not) rather than the state.

This situation has given rise to a society that teaches children any of the virtues ( at least, not in actions ). This new way of living has birthed a dysfunctional ecosystem for child development, resulting in teenagers and youths with almost no value system. People birthed by this system believe they have no obligations to anyone. The resultant effect of this way of thinking can be seen everyday in our streets, on our TV and heard on radio channels. People no longer feel safe in the streets, or in their home, the church is not by any means safer (except for the grace of God), government officials no longer serve but enslave ( the massages with poverty ). This as results in a society where progress and prosperity is slow and in some cases non existence. Infact some societies are retrogressing.

Closing thoughts

As earlier stated, the society we are building today is the "everyman for himself society". We are and will continue to reap the rewards. Of course I don't except us to go back to those good old days ( not even possible in 2 centuries) but every river started as a drop of water. We can all try to become better and more compassionate people spreading some love and as we become parents, train our kids right and teach them their obligations to country, community, family and to self( of course for the religious ones their obligation to God must come first) until we meet again, its goodbye for now

Thanks for reading.