Hey y'all. It's Wednesday today, midweek and usually a time to reflect, for most people. It is also a day that reminds us of how hard we are working and how far we’ve come. So, I want to use the opportunity to talk about failure; your failure as a parent this time. Where you failed, what you did or are still doing about it, how you handled it physically and emotionally. Do you talk about it, especially to the important persons in your life?
Now, breathe and refer to the question above. Done that? Good. This post is about you, your children and failure. Have you ever talked to your children about failure? Have you ever told them about mistakes and personal errors in judgement? If you haven’t , please do. Sit them down and tell them about your mistakes. Of persons or situations. Of friends, family, strangers and relationships. Tell them about your stupid decisions and outright foolishness. Please, tell them that you got it wrong sometimes, and say less of how someone was the reason for your failure.
Regale them with the tales of how you misused funds entrusted to you. Tell them how you skipped classes, how you got wasted in the middle of an exam, how you lied to your parents about failing a subject and how you slept with your friend’s partner. Tell them about your philandering and about that disease that almost took your life. You remember your story. Tell it to them. Wow them with the stories of how you rushed down the path of self destruction. Tell them how you didn’t know how to stop yourself. Stop lying to them about how you were witch-hunted and everything taken away from you. Highlight the fact that you were your own worst enemy.
Then, tell them about your redemption. Sit them down at your feet and feed them with tales of your turning point. Tell them how you got saved – about that point in your life when you sat down and took everything back. Tell them about your moment of victory.
After you’ve told them, teach them. Make them understand some of these:
Everyone doesn’t get a trophy.
There are moments they will succeed and also moments they will fail. It’s isn’t all rosy and the failures do not define them. There’s enough success to go round. They just have to keep at it.
There are different talents for different people.
The fact that they tried their hands on writing and it didn’t work out doesn’t make them a failure. What about singing? They dance well too? That’s their flair. That’s where they should be focusing on. All they need to do is recognise the areas and things they are good at. Things they love also.
Perseverance.
The first rule is to work hard. Hard work pays. Not just the income, but also the satisfaction of knowing that this is your handiwork, that this belongs to you. Teach them that. There will be difficult moments. There will come a time the only thing they think about is how to quit. Teach them to hold on tight and keep going.
Learn from mistakes.
Not just their mistakes – yours and everyone else around them as well. The best advice that can happen to a person is the one he gives himself. Mistakes are part of life. Make them understand that it's okay to try something and not succeed. Sometimes we make mistakes because we need to evolve from our current position.
Success.
Ask them their definition of success. Is it when they have a dream job, a car and a house of their choice? Teach them that success goes beyond the physical. It’s part of it but not all. Teach them that success is when they look at everything they have built and it makes them happy and comfortable. Teach them that success is peace of mind.
Class.
Teach them about elegance. Teach them about polish. Define grace to them. Let them know that even when they fail, they can do it with class because failure doesn’t define who they are. One block in their path to success doesn’t make them. It only adds to the lessons.
While you are teaching them, if things haven’t changed with you, please tell them you are still failing. Tell them how you look at your friends succeeding and living your dream life while you drown yourself in bottles. Tell them how you sleep and wake up everyday with the thought of doing something positive but too weak to try. Do not lie to them about some wicked people of higher authority who took away your success. If you cannot tell the truth, please do not set standards for them. Don’t set heights that you never tried because of your laziness. If you must and they fail, please look away. Remember you are a coward and you lied. You pushed them into something you were afraid to try.
But if you tell the truth, then they will learn that life is not a bed of roses, that there will be thorns and they will have to pick them out of the way. If you tell them, they might want to do better than you did. They won’t want to be you. If you tell them you failed, they will understand good and bad choices. They will want to be successful, and because they want, they will get there. Because they know, because they understand, because you told them. When they climb those steps to the top, you climb with them. You stop failing, because you told them.
How's your day going?