Hello there. Today I want to talk about something that happens almost everyday to us, or should I say, something we do everyday. I want to talk about nagging. That’s right. Okay, this is a sensitive topic. A lot of people nag without realising it, actually. It could be their partners, their children, even their dogs. It can get that bad. What does it mean to nag and why do people do it?
to annoy (someone) by often complaining about his or her behavior, appearance, etc.
to annoy (someone) with repeated questions, requests, or orders
to cause (someone) to feel annoyed or worried for a long period of time
Let me tell you a little true life story.
I had this neighbours. There were a young couple with three young children. The oldest was five and the youngest was still breastfeeding. We all lived in a big compound containing three flats and protected by a tall fence and an equally tall gate. When they moved in newly, I noticed the wife always talked. The buildings were built far apart, enough for privacy, but you could here someone who was really loud. You may not hear the words exactly but you would know they were talking (kind of shouting in this case). She talked like everyday. My first thought was why she would be doing that. What could possibly be wrong or what the husband was doing to her. I mean, nobody talks (nags) everyday like that for no reason. But at some point, I noticed it was a pattern.
She would joke and laugh with everyone but immediately the husband came back, her cheerful mood would change. If she wasn’t nagging him, she would be nagging the children. While cooking, nag. Doing laundry, nag. Breastfeeding, nag nag nag. I mean, I wasn’t the one being nagged but I was feeling the heat. It got so bad that the husband stopped staying home. He would come back from work in the evening, change, mount his bike and he was gone, only to come back a little before midnight. She didn’t stop though. Sometimes, I would wake before dawn to read or write and she would be talking.
There hasn’t been a verified reason as to why people nag. While some say it’s the nature of the naggers, some others say it could be as a result of past experiences or frustration.
It is possible for husbands to nag, and wives to resent them for nagging. But women are more likely to nag, experts say, largely because they are conditioned to feel more responsible for managing home and family life. And they tend to be more sensitive to early signs of problems in a relationship. When women ask for something and don’t get a response, they are quicker to realize something is wrong. The problem is that by asking repeatedly, they make things worse.
Men are to blame, too, because they don’t always give a clear answer. Sure, a husband might tune his wife out because he is annoyed; nagging can make him feel like a little boy being scolded by his mother. But many times he doesn’t respond because he doesn’t know the answer yet, or he knows the answer will disappoint her.
There are people who nag because they can’t help it. It’s become a part of them, almost like breathing. Like in the above story, she probably felt like something was missing if she didn’t nag for the day. Most naggers do not know any other way to relate to people, and there are those who do not believe that they nag.
Some bosses nag their employees too. I once had a nag for a boss. I had to resign and do something meaningful with my life.
Here are a few tips that might help in bringing your mood and temperature back to normal, literally.
Know that complaining over and over won’t solve the problem.
Yes, something isn’t the way it should be but saying it over and over only makes it worse. The person you are talking to may not be in the right frame of mind to listen to whatever you have to say.
Accept the things you do not have control over.
Know that there are things you cannot change and nagging about them is futile. Accept life like it is and give yourself some peace.
Take a deep breath.
This works especially when you are angry. You can close your eyes and silently count to ten. Make it twenty if ten doesn’t work. Breathe easy and you’ll be just fine.
Stop using ‘you’
During an argument, don’t use the word ‘you.’ It’s accusatory. Instead, think of a way for both of you to solve the problem.
Ask yourself, what’s really the problem?
Identifying the problem helps you solve it. Ask yourself that before you lash out.
Now, go and sin no more.
Very good favorite