I think we all have this ingrained belief that when we put the needs of others before our own, we are acting in a selfless manner. It's the norm to see someone who puts his needs before others as being selfish. It's become so normal that you see people sacrifice their needs based on the societal conditioning to always put someone else first. They neglect their own needs and wants to make others happy.
This isn't to reject the need to help others, or the importance. But shouldn't it be done willingly, in a way that still leaves us standing on our feet? There comes in the selfish part. Anything done out of one's own free will, when it isn't hurting the doer is actually selfish. You didn't do it at the expense of your own wants and needs.
“The meaning ascribed in popular usage to the word ‘selfishness’ is not merely wrong: it represents a devastating intellectual ‘package-deal,’ which is responsible, more than any other single factor, for the arrested moral development of mankind.” Ayn Rand
This is a bit tricky. Some will argue that helping someone is the most selfless act. I agree, but isn't it selfish when it isn't encroaching you own personal time? I mean, you thought about yourself first. You made sure that you'd still be comfortable after removing whatever it is you wish to give. What does it say of a person who cannot say no to a request when they know that it will leave them broken?
Nope, the above does not overrule love and affection. Those are given freely. Even then we still decide when and how. The specific time is decided by us based on their current situation and the state of our mental health. Yes, that is in fact selfish. It's us first. Our survival first. Anything beyond that leaves us crippled because we can't carry.
Answer this question, If I gave all of me to everyone around me, what would I have left?
Let's hear your thoughts.