Five Minutes Freewrite | forte

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So, I stumbled onto this word when I went to look up a word in the dictionary. I don't remember which word I was looking for exactly but this one here gave me a pause. I have this thing I used to do. I take the Merriam-Webster's word of the day and I write a short story with it. I haven't been doing that lately.

Well, today, this word gave me a different kind of push and I decided to do a freewrite. This here is what I came up with. 

forte

/ˈfɔːteɪ,ˈfɔːti,fɔːt/

one's strong point

I'm not particularly sure I know what my strong point is. I'm not also sure I know what carried me to check the word of the day today as I always unlook. I think I'm probably stuck now. LOL. I stared at my screen for long seconds thinking about what it is I want to write about.

I'm tempted to say that my story point is resilience. The ability to get over things quickly. Maybe heal too while at it. But that would be a lie. To the outside world, I might be that person. I've seen and heard a lot of people say that I'm the strongest person they know. That one who you can go to and be sure her head is where it's supposed to be. But is that really the case? Perhaps because I've learned to live with my pain. Piles and piles of it. You don't want to seem me when I'm a mess.

Okay, this was supposed to be light. Forgive me for diving into the deep black sea again. I don't know where my head is at. Or perhaps I just need to let it out. All of it.

End of five minutes

I think I run away from freewrites because they make me say things I'd rather keep to myself. It reveals bits and pieces of myself I'd rather keep hidden. Is that a good thing? I don't have an answer to that. Maybe it is. Even I have learned over the years that the little things matter a whole lot. In this case writing about it. Maybe this is telling me that I still have an unfinished business, something I need to do within myself in order to be whole again.

I'm not sure this makes any sense. Pardon me.

Forte. That is the word. One's strong point. I mentioned resilience up there. But that isn't the truth. The truth is that I have learned to mask my pain. Someone very close to me once told me that I have a lot of pain on my fragile shoulders. If the ability to hide it and keep your head under water is strength, I wouldn't know. It's probably a weakness because it swallows when you manage to let your guard down even for a minute. And if you're not careful, you just might not come up again.

I think I've ranted enough. Do you have a forte? Tell me about it.