Hello there. Today, I want to talk about children. I've always loved them. It's not always about stories and poems for me LOL. Most times, we overlook these little ones when we make decisions. We never worry about their emotional competence because, well, they are children. We are the adults and everything we do is the right thing.
I have a neighbour and she has two children – six and four respectively. I’ve watched them fight over things from clothes to toys to who gets the biggest space or the fancy book. One of the mistakes we make is that we assume a lot when it comes to children. We believe that this is what they want. We don’t always give them a chance to explain. Sometimes when they cry, we tell them shut up and go to their rooms. Yes, I’ve seen this happen so many times.
There are three categories of children, based on their personality however. There is the introverted child, the extroverted child and the hyperactive child.
The introverted child is happy sitting in a corner while the other children run around and scatter everywhere. You may mistake their quietness for shyness but they are not the same thing. They just love solitude and you have to watch them closely to know when they are sad.
The extroverted child, on the other hand is loud and outgoing. Their energy is always present and they have no problem telling you they are bored, and they mean it. They have no problem adjusting and making friends.
The hyperactive child is super energetic. They hardly sit still and can combine multiple things at the same time. They don’t always break pace. They always jump from one place to another.
It is now left to you as a parent or guardian, to study your children and know which category they belong to. This post, however is about how to help your children identify, express and manage their emotions. One of the keys to emotional intelligence is helping your child express themselves. Knowing what to say or do when they start throwing tantrums about a picture book or the fact that they don’t want cereals for breakfast anymore. It’s not easy but it’s achievable.
Is your toddler or young child learning about their feelings and starting to whine or cry more often than usual? Maybe they’re beginning to test their limits with outbursts, tantrums, and poor behaviour? Oftentimes, these early indications are a sign that it’s time to start teaching your kids about feelings – how to recognize emotions, name feelings and develop better communication skills about emotions. Emotional Intelligence requires the guidance of parents to help kids understand what their bodies and reactions are trying to say. Learn how to teach your children to recognize their feelings, better communicate and develop the emotional intelligence they need.
Here are few tips that might help them express their emotions better:
Name the Feeling
Every feeling has a name. Instead of throwing things to get attention, they can simply say they are angry. Teach them the right words to use, from angry to tired etc. Teach them to express their displeasure without hurting someone or themselves.
Express the Feeling
You can teach them how to express their feelings by using yourself as an example. Start by talking about your own feelings and how best to express them. When you accidentally bang your head against a wall and are feeling frustrated, what do you do? When you try to get the mug down from the counter and it falls and breaks, what do you do? Ask them questions and let them provide possible solutions to real life situations.
Do Not Punish
A lot of people are going to disagree here even before they read what I have to say. Child punishment like hitting and spanking do not always work, especially when you are trying to teach a child to express emotions. The child may begin to think that his bad emotion is the reason for his misbehaviour and will start to bottle up feelings. Getting through to him becomes difficult, and in some cases, impossible. Talk to them. Don't punish them, yet.
Practice, Praise and Correct
Do not forget to praise them when they do things right. Do not also forget to correct them. Make them practice and with time, it will become part of them. An emotionally stable child is an asset, not only to his family, but to the society at large.
In the end, they are our children and we want what is best for them. So there, get to work.