The choices we make can be reduced to a game between two terms, if we have at least a certain degree of free will: yes and no. Saying yes to something from this binary point of view often means saying 'no' to something else. And saying 'no' to anything else actively enforces our pursuit of a certain 'yes'. We make a commitment in the latter case, meaning that we decide to concentrate on a mission and remain committed to it, for a given period of time, or even until death.
A great example is a commitment to marriage. Unless it’s an open marriage, by saying ‘yes’ to it, we automatically say ‘no’ to infidelity. Even though for some people saying ‘no’ to infidelity isn’t hard to do: for some, it’s truly a sacrifice. But by saying ‘no’ consistently, no matter how much potential pleasure we reject by doing so, we can enjoy something that in many cultures is considered sacred; a bond between two people.
Which could be a beautiful thing. But of course, being a bachelor can be a beautiful thing too. For many, enjoying freedom, spending time alone, not having to take someone else into an account could be considered sacred as well. Maintaining this lifestyle also requires us to say ‘no’. Not just to romantic relationships, but also to social norms. The 'no' power is the foundation that upholds the sacred power. The sanctity collapses when the pillar is broken. That's why they should have left the apple alone if Adam & Eve had used the power of 'no', and they would still be living in paradise.
Eternal sin resembles what many of us do: we’re unable to say ‘no’ to quick pleasures, and, thereby, we destroy the chances of obtaining what we truly want in the long run. Hence, if you don’t sacrifice for what you want, what you want will be your sacrifice. Saying ‘yes’ opens doors and opportunities, but saying ‘no’ sets boundaries that protect our ‘yeses’. A Buddhist says ‘no’ to cravings for external things, to end the suffering that this brings. An athlete says ‘no’ to unhealthy ways of life, to excel in sports. An entrepreneur says ‘no’ to distractions, in order to focus on building a business.
In certain ways, 'no' means 'no' to ourselves: to be greater than our cravings, to pause or even totally deny gratification, to give up one dream so that we can make another one come true. Mastering ourselves requires, therefore, mastering the power of 'no'. At least as important as saying ‘no’ to our own desires is saying ‘no’ to the desires of other people. Our inability to say ‘no’, makes way for other people to exploit us, to hijack our time, to make us jump on their bandwagon, and, thus, make them masters of our fate. When we say ‘yes’ to them, it’s likely that we say ‘no’ to ourselves, and put ourselves in the service of someone else’s ‘yeses’.
Therefore, we say 'no' to our own desires, to meet someone else's. Or we support someone, not because we want to, or because it's consistent with our beliefs to help them, but simply because we can't say no. It's not convenient to say 'no' to other people. We are programmed to do as people say, adhere to the expectations of other people, obey the crowd, set aside our own needs and desires for everyone else. Even, when we say 'no', in the form of arguments or even frustration, we may have encountered resistance. People might give us the cold shoulder after we don't fulfil their demands, or threaten to end the relationship if we don't do what they want.
But because of our desire for individuals to like us, do we really want to sustain an exploitative friendship? Do we really want to stay in a relationship that is abusive because we're afraid of being alone? It sounds irrational, but the fear of being hated or discarded is also a factor why people fear saying 'no'. However, those who truly care about us will respect our ‘no’, while the users and abusers will disappear. Saying ‘no’, therefore, is a great filter when it comes to relationships. The downside is, however, that it’s often uncomfortable, painful and it even makes us feel guilty.
Still, refusing to go through these discomforts that come with saying ‘no’ can have terrible consequences in the long run. Not only do our boundaries get violated, our time wasted, and our needs unmet; we also run the risk to become resentful. Maybe we'll get mad at the people who seem to rule our lives. And when we know they're doing it because we let them, we get mad at ourselves, too. The latter also happens as we begin to mess up saying 'no' to dumb choices in life and are gravitating more and more to an existence we don't want, which is a result of saying 'yes' to a lot of stuff, but never to the one thing we really, really want.
Then, we quickly realize, that the only way to get out of this rut is by embracing that the little word called ‘no’, so we can escape that abusive relationship, toxic friends group, cult, ideology, habit, addiction, or whatever holds us back from leading a more fulfilling life. ‘No’ is a complete sentence. This means that we’re not obligated to explain our ‘no’ to anyone, although in some situations it might be better to do so. But ultimately, it’s up to us to decide if we can live with the consequences of a firm ‘no’ without further clarification.
As adults, we’re entitled to say ‘no’, regardless of other people’s reactions. This is the blessing that comes with being responsible for our own actions. In a world that’s totally out of control, our actions are the only things that we do control.
Why are we to place others in charge of the
The only thing and only one that is in our power.
God Bless Thankyou!