Every Thursday, I attend an online class on Spiritual Formation and our recent topic is about forgiveness. This class has been running for more than two months now and we're nearing the end of the syllabus. But more than the lessons I've learned, I will always be grateful for the practicality and life-changing realizations I had for the weeks that passed.
Recently, we've talked about forgiveness. It is always my idea that forgiveness is like a key that opens the door to freedom. When you harbor bitterness and resentment towards a person, you enter this cage where all ever think of is how to get even and exact your revenge. It seems like you're trapped within your destructive emotion. But when you choose to forgive, you are opening the door.
While this may resonate with most of us, it is easier said than done. It is easy to talk about forgiveness when you are not the one who is gravely offended. It is easy to talk about forgiveness when you're looking at it from a spectator's perspective. Tell that to victims of abuse, and you'll know how difficult it is even to think about.
But one thing we can do to help us forgive is to develop empathy towards our offender.
Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.
Here are some ideas we can think about when we want to develop empathy towards people:
Behind hard and negative emotions are soft emotions
Don't look at the face value of a person's action. Often, there is a reason why they do what they do. Perhaps they are hiding behind a mask. Take for example bullies. They tend to bully others because they themselves have fears and insecurities they can't handle on their own. So they try to project an image to mask who they really are.
People are conditioned by past experiences
Some people have hurtful pasts that manifest in their present lives. They are not intentional in offending people, but they were so conditioned by their experiences that they are no longer aware they are already hurting others. Those who lived in an environment where shouting is but normal also have the tendency to be loud. Those who were abused, if not addressed, have the tendency to pass it on. Hurt people hurt people. They didn't sign up for their hurtful past, but they were influenced by it.
People are irrational when they are hurt
When we are hurt, we often say things we might regret later. This is a universal idea. At the height of our emotions, we tend to be irrational. So next time we're offended by someone, perhaps that person just reached his boiling point and we were just caught up with his explosion. This doesn't mean that he is altogether rude and violent. Perhaps that person woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or he's just hurting inside. A little consideration will do.
Listen to the transgressor's story
If we want to develop empathy and help us in our forgiving process, we can always consider listening to the offender's side of the story. As they say, there are two sides to the truth - the offender's side, the victim's side, and the truth. It doesn't always follow that one party is lying, but perhaps there's an angle that must be taken into consideration. Listen to the other side of the story and see how it fits yours. Then you'll have a wider perspective and a better appreciation of the whole situation.
Final thoughts
Finally, when you desire to forgive a person, ask the Lord for grace of empathy and love. It is easy to extend forgiveness just for the sake of forgiving, but the sting and animosity will remain. But when we ask the Lord to help us go through our emotions, and help us to start all over after the offense, we will find renewed strength to make it through.
I'm in no way minimizing the offense, and in no way empowering the offender. What I would like to say is that there is a path to move on in life. We don't have to remain a victim forever. Forgiveness is the key to freedom. Empathy can be the first step.
The path to healing may be a long and winding process, but we can choose to take the first step now.
Hi, I am Marts! Aside from read.cash, I also run my blog - martsvalenzuela.com. I plan on growing my readership while learning to improve my craft and journey towards my passion to write and publish books that add value to people.
Carpe Diem!
