I found out that Tapti was also looking for me. I am silently looking at the writings. I'm looking. He woke up at Tapti's call and said, 'What happened?'"Nothing, I'm reading." ‘Love?’ I said in a daze, 'I can give love, are you able to accept it?' ‘Doubt?’
What the heck! What did I say! I scolded Binoy in my mind and said, 'No, no.' Tapti said, "Yes, able to love and accept love, if you will."
Since that day the earth has revolved around the sun almost twice, the leaves of the tree have fallen and new leaves have come again. The two have read some more, there have been some quarrels. I don't know how many times I have crossed the busiest road with two hands. I have told him that I don't love him. We don't have an account of many more things. We spend money and time calculating, love and careless. These two are not exhausted! Rather, spending increases.
I remembered a lot of old things while sitting on my back. The habit of sitting here after finishing tuition. Monthly salary in pocket. The whole three thousand rupees. I put my hand in my pocket again and saw, no, the money is still there, six or five hundred rupees note. After doing two tuitions, I get five and a half thousand rupees a month. This money is to continue. I calculate very quietly, I measure pie to pie, but at the end of the month I often can't calculate money. Thinking about it, I took out the screen-broken phone and saw the time, it was half past eight at night. Let's check the massage. No message. As soon as the tea came, I left the phone and paid attention to the tea. I hold a cigarette. And think. Six-seven hundred rupees has to be set aside. I will buy a book for Tapati.
After tea I went to my old bookstore. I can buy books here at almost any price. I bought a book, One Hundred Years of Loneliness, and brought it home. I haven't read it yet. When Tapti started reading it, he told me it was a magical novel. Then what the magic reality explained to me. What he read was not a very good translation. That too has fallen. He also said which translation would be better. That too not too long ago. I thought I would buy him the book.
I often remember these things nowadays, like today. It seems to me that I will never be able to write anything magical, because I myself am a character in a magical story. Finding Tapati is a magical reality for me! Really got it, but got it by some magic! Otherwise, why would anyone care so much for someone like me who is ‘immobile’ and ‘struggling’ in the latest language?
Even if you keep Maya hot, even if you love her, even if I love her almost close to her, some problems are created according to the rules of the world. The problem is, we haven't seen each other in about a month. Campus closed. Occasionally there is a text message. It didn't come last week. I know why he didn't come. I know it may not come this time. I look forward to that too. The day comes while waiting. His birthday two days later. He will surely do a lot on his birthday. There will be joy in their home. Cut the cake. The newlyweds are supposed to do a lot for their husbands on their birthdays. Lots of expensive gifts. Because her future husband is not a good rich man. My boundaries are stuck in those two-three hundred to six-seven hundred, so maybe God didn't want me to get a less expensive gift even after a hot marriage. Of course, I have not yet found out whether the marriage took place or not. Tapti said, whether she is married or not, she will come and tell me herself. Maybe we won't talk about it.
Well, God knows, I was very happy with the smell of the two-hundred-page book. I was happy to be in love with the middle class in Attapur. In the afternoon we would have tea in the traveling flask and go to the old bookstore. Sometimes I would actually go to see a good movie. I would sit on the field on campus and pass the class break. Then, with happy eyes, he dreamed of a house where if we were two, it would become a family. We used to quarrel. Does God know the strange joy of returning to the end of a quarrel? God should know. At least Tapati should know that I will accept the end of the relationship indifferently even if I get bored inside. I will assume that the books I have given will be sold to Kejidar at our own risk. Maybe if someone buys that book, it will look nostalgic.
In life I have learned to accept helplessness, even though I am terribly helpless. I opened the book and sat down. On the white page right after the cover, I write, ‘I bought this book for you at the end of my tuition fee. I will not teach that tuition anymore, I will not meet the SSC exam boy anymore. It won't happen to you anymore. I am standing at the end of two relationships. One sure, one uncertain. What happened to the marriage? I don't know!
I know why I think I can give you this book. Our story will start all over again. Wishing to write more. I don't understand what he wants to write. I don't understand why you want to write something for your loved one when you see this white page of the book. These will be sold on the sidewalk for twenty or thirty rupees! Just understand, I'm spending a hundred years alone without Tapti. I look for him. I don't like anything. I hold a cigarette. I lay on my back and looked at the ceiling. I remember him saying that no matter what happens, he will not leave me. If the marriage is arranged somewhere else, he will run away. I just laughed. He muttered. Scolded. I took it as a child. I can't do anything but laugh.
I was looking at the sea on the ceiling, when the mess manager came and knocked on the door, said, Rumi brother, are you there? Yes, said. Below is a sister standing for you. I looked at the ceiling-sea and said, well. Go, I'm coming.
The manager left. I looked out to sea. I have to go down. Where do I go? ‘This journey is nothing but going to you ...’ I am lost and lost in the sea, someone is coming and taking my helm. Holding hands with absolute compassion. Who? Not hot?
I don't have time to go down. As soon as I get down, I will know who has come! Why come! Who is looking, why looking! Has the heat arrived? To give the news of marriage? Maybe he was going with the groom, he told the groom to stop the car, there is a helpless lover in this mess, who didn't find him. Heavy Benaresi later came to inform the news of his sparrow world. Or did I come to Kazi's office with him? Arrived wearing a cotton sari, unadorned, full of excitement, an eight-year-old lover, in front of whom there is an unfathomable path, who trusts me, whose hand I have never been able to hold with tender affection. I want to sit for hours holding my wife's hand.
I took the book in my hand and walked slowly down from the third floor. The title of the book is "One Hundred Years of Solitude.
Thank you.
Excellent article.❤