Not the golden shower he was looking for - on Reddit funny story #2

So this happened to a close friend of mine and he's too embarrassed to post about it so what are friends for and here I am.

This friend - let's call him "Sam" - was standing at the toilet bowl taking a piss. Right hand holding the elastic band of his shorts down below his junk, left hand on the seat cover to prevent it from dropping down. All good, but his downfall was the little fever patch he had on his forehead for his flu.

In case you don't know what fever patches are, they are small adhesive squares bundled with hydrogel. You stick one of these in the freezer so the hydrogel gets cold as sin, then slap it on your forehead or wherever else needs cooling, and very quickly the little thing sucks up a surprising amount of heat from your body. Pretty nice, really, but can be a bit painful in more sensitive places.

Anyway, there was Sam. Right hand holding waistband down, left hand holding toilet seat up, and the fever patch on his forehead started to slip off mid-stream. According to him, he had a moment of tachypsychia at that point - that slow time experience that some people go through in a bad situation.

In that endless moment, he contemplated snatching at the falling patch with his right hand - but no, that would cause his shorts to spring up and divert his pee up as a happy fountain.

His next solution was to grab at the falling object with his left hand, but he realized that the seat would fall and slice through his pee trajectory, almost certainly deflecting golden goodness everywhere.

He could of course just ignore the patch and hope it doesn't cause a splash on the way down. Probably the sanest solution.

And right then he snapped out of his bullet time and his body just moved. In one smooth action, he let go of his shorts and the toilet seat to raise his hands to his face. He missed the patch with both hands and instead slapped himself on the nose and eye while his joyful elephant arced a beautiful spout up and all over his shirt, shorts, hands, and face. Jerking back and slamming his hands down in both pain and surprise, he managed to somehow bounce the toilet seat down with unseemly velocity right onto his errant member.

And of course right then I had to walk by and witness him crouching in pain, a quite remarkable liquid mess all over the WC and, more importantly, him. Of all the days to take a piss without closing the toilet door, he had to pick that day when I was at his place.

Sam's fine, really. Just really hurt that I couldn't stop laughing at him and perhaps just a little offended that I've taken his story to Reddit. But did I already say something about what friends are for?

I get this story on Reddit funny story post by u/Formal_Tree_3659

Thanks for reading this article 😊