There is much debate as to whether an online relationship with someone outside your marriage constitutes an affair or cheating behavior. What one should focus on are the characteristics of this type of relationship that make it damaging to your marriage.
Cyber affairs are kept secret and have an emotional and/or sexual undertone. With so much of our time spent online, it's no wonder these types of relationships are more and more common.
Overview
According to the American Psychological Association's website: "Several studies suggest that even when there is no in-person contact, online affairs can be just as devastating as the real-world variety, triggering feelings of insecurity, anger, and jealousy."
There are several reasons people start such affairs: escaping from reality, enjoying a fantasy, getting a self-esteem boost, avoiding relationship distress, and others. These affairs also happen easily, as the internet provides accessibility, affordability, and anonymity.
Are you concerned and suspicious that your spouse is having an online affair? A number one clue would be that you notice excessive time spent on the computer and similar devices. But there are other, not so obvious signs.
Common Signs
Below are some common signs of an online affair:
More Considerations
Cyber affairs can be a symptom of other problems in your marriage. Lack of communication, financial problems, relocation, and sexual dissatisfaction in the marriage, professional dissatisfaction, and other unresolved problems can be triggers for this behavior. Ask your spouse for honest communication to resolve the hurt and to rebuild trust.
Your spouse may have an addiction. Don't let your spouse's attachment to pornography or cybersexnegatively impact your own self-image.
Don't accept any blame or guilt for your spouse's decision to have a cyber affair. You do still want to look at your behavior to see if you are contributing to your partner wanting to check out. For example, are you emasculating him, being hypercritical, not showing appreciation, constantly refusing to have sex?
Your spouse must be willing to cut off this affair immediately if it is happening.
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