Wanna Stop
Hello read.cash friends.
It's been a while since the last time I am active here. I wanna write here at times as my head is full of many thoughts. I want to lessen it and pour it out to writing yet my body never cooperates too.
It's the eight month of the year last month. The thought that things will be better seem so narrow. When you are trying with all your might to make things a bit fine and ended up at the edge of the world again.
The manifestion of having last month as lucky and full of blessing seem unlikely. I spend a lot as unexpected expenses flourish. When the basic needs like rice have a price increase, it gives me headache. Then it adds up more when children and hubby are sick. Though what shocked us when I became sick and have a long sick leave.
I just filed an emergency leave because my son had high fever and asthma. While being in a long queue in the hospital, I already feel bad but trying to fight. Though when we reach home after the doctor's appointment, my body weakens and when I wake up the next day, I am ill. I have no choice but to report to our company clinic. I was given an initial sick leave of 4days and went far for more than a week of extension.
Unexpected expenses fly here and everywhere. We are really having a hard time as another two family members gets sick. We have insurance but it never covers the medicine prescribed, only the doctor's consultation fee.
Even I was sick, I need to move and find ways too in order for the medicines to be bought. However, I almost give up when my conditions worsen and my youngest got sick. Having a 4 year old son, get sick is too tiring. He wants his mother by his side and cuddle. I want to distant and explained to him that I am sick yet he won't listen and cuddle around. Then I wish I am a superwoman or can split my body into two. It was exhausting me and to my family. We tried herbal medicines too while taking some prescribed meds too.
Now, they are all well but not me. I am still having some cough. Sick but working again. Glad the doctor give me clearance to be back to work again. I cannot imagine having no work since I am the sole earner for now. Getting sick should not be an option for me. That is why, in my weakest time, I almost surrender. However, God moves to carry me when I almost fall down. I almost wanna stop trying and fighting for this life. When everything seems so hard, all I did was pray and cry. God never stop on me and he guide me into the hope I have right.
My life now seems a bit odd and full of storms yet I still have God above to push me hard to never stop. So here I am again, writing some piece of my life. At least, I can spill it out here how hard I've been without being judge by friends and relatives. I may stop right here yet not in life.
📷 images from Unsplash
It's good to be back here. Still exploring some articles to visit and hope I can meet Rusty too. Is he still here too often lately?
