I have a friend whom our relationship is not accepted by the people we call our circle of friends. She has a friend who doesn’t like the idea of us being friends. And then an argument came up over the issue and I started to have my doubt in the friendship I thought would work out, irrespective of whatever people were saying.
I don't know what to believe now.....if I’m the one forcing myself on her or we are just friends that have an equal liking for each other. If she felt I was on here then I believe she should have just made it clear and I would just have to walk out of our so-called friendship. I know in friendship, the individuals have to stand by each other no matter what but here it’s the opposite of things. I still care a lot about her and check up on her even if I have to keep my distance, I didn’t care. All I thought about was how she was but she just couldn’t stand by the person she called her friend. It even got to the extent that she couldn’t even walk up to me and talk just for reasons best known to her, although I’m pretty sure she’s trying to avoid being on the bad side of her other friends. Why does she have to keep on playing with my mind knowing too well it hurts badly. I am in that moment when you feel like you are loved by someone and you end up getting hurt by that same person. I still don't get why I even still get close to her? Why did I ever get my hopes high? why do I let her have her way all the time? why does she feel she can talk to me anytime she feels like? Why does she feel she can be around me only when she feels like? And that only happens when she’s sure no one's watching. Only if I could just get back at the person that keeps on wagging her tongue and can't stay off my business for a short moment. Why do I have to be their gist topic, it seems more like they derives more fun in talking about me. Sometimes it just makes me happy that she realizes how much of a mess she has been. But what can I say, I've been a big mess my self.
I most times feel so insecure about everything, about us, about her, about her friend. I'm not even sure of exactly what to think of. If I should think of the memories we've shared that now says the opposite of what's happening between us now or I should think of her friend who doesn't stop claiming a right over her freedom to friendship and just can't stop saying venomous words from her mouth in a fit to break the friendship we now share? I know I've hurt the feelings of many people around me and I'm sorry about it, but I can't kill myself as a penance for the wrong I've done to others. Sometimes I feel like she's the karma that I have always avoided, does she have to be the one? Does she have to be the reason for my joy and also the reason for my tears? Does she have to go beyond all bounds?
MEETING HER IS SO FAR MY WORSE NIGHTMARE.
She hurts me a lot and yet turns those tears into my greatest joy. I wish I had a friend around, someone I could tell my issues to. The pain of losing a best friend hurts more than you can imagine.
A friend of mine asked for a general opinion of how to handle this situation.
Your opinion will be well appreciated.
Written by Susan