Unexpected
October 23, 2021
There are many things in life that we don`t see coming, things that we can`t notice until it is the front of our faces. This that may bring good or bad news, it can change our life for good or for bad. Sometimes unexpected things will show up after we make a big decision or step in our life, it will stare us in our faces and we will think if our decisions are right or wrong.
This is the same reason why many people including me can`t move much away from our comfort zone, I always think that I have the plan for my goal but in the way to reach that goal, there are always unexpected things in the way. Things that might help us to push through, and give us a boost, but what if it is a bad thing that crushes us until we give up? a bad thing that will make our journey difficult.
Since I want to be an artist, I am building a plan on how to have a sustainable life as an artist, but there is some part in my head telling me that I am not ready, that there is something that I am not checking yet. And I think those are unexpected things that will show along the way.
Even In a simple game, we are playing every day, We have that moment that we are surprised at every turn we are making even we play the game for a very long time. The game always caught us out of the guard. That is the same in life, the game is our life and we are still the ones playing with it.
But this is one of the best things in life, the element of surprise that always gets us, the unexpected things that will give us the adrenaline we always want. Unexpected occasions can open doors, and once we enter it, it will open for more doors of good and bad.
Introduction
This introduction has nothing to do with my day, haha, it`s just random in my head. This thought always circles around my head every time, almost 4 mornings in a week. I don`t know why but it starts to bother me again as time goes by. Last year I have the choice to commit to what I want but I step back because of this idea of unexpected things and the idea of what if I am not yet ready to handle those things. With this in my head I decided to step back and now I am stuck in this same place studying the course I don`t want and I only have 2 years to finish it.
Morning
This morning I was awakened by my mother and my younger brother eating near the sofa that I am sleeping on. Since I came back home, staying here in my parent's house is hard. I am sleeping in our living room and my younger brother is always here talking every time and asking for something while I am studying. The room I used to sleep in when I was young Is too small and messy for me to live in and to fit in, so I have no choice but to set up my computer in the living room and sleep on the floor until I decided to go back in my house.
In the afternoon, I and my mother give my younger sister a ride back to her house in Rosario, Cavite where she live for almost 6 months I think. She likes living there with her boyfriend, but she said that money is not good there, the neighborhood is not like in our hometown. And their house is near the sea so it is very hot there but so cold when the weather is cold.
At night I and my brother just play Tekken and call of duty, he always wants to play Tekken but then he is about to lose he will not play anymore and go to his room. At night when almost all the people here are sleeping, it is time for me to do the things I need to do for school. Passing the papers making essays and many more.
All Images are from Unsplash
I`m Home
October 21, 2021
Everyone has a soft place in our heart for our home and every people in it. Whatever happens between the family members they become united in good times, bad times and even in the time of need. Every part of the family commits mistakes personally or sometimes it affects the whole family, but at the end of the day, they will forgive each other whatever bad things they said or bad actions they have done. Forgiveness comes magically inside the family, sometimes you wake up in the morning feeling so light and tend to forgive someone, but in the case of people outside the family, it is harder to forgive them.
But there are things that can`t be easily forgiven like things that make someone feel left out or abandoned. sometimes there are things that are happening for a long time and it becomes normal for the people and when the times come that people will explode and will say everything, that thing will mark forever and will not heal easily.
And there are things that happen when we are just a child and we think we know-nothings, but that bad moment and good moment that happen when we are young will be remembered. Those bad memories and bad decisions when we are young will hunt us until we are old. Sometimes bad memories come back when we return to the place where it happens, we tend to become more anxious in places where it happens, and the longer we stay there we tend to become comfortable knowing that place is safe now.
It is my second day living with my parents and my young brother, and later the day my younger sister will come home and visit as wee. It feels so good and happy when we are complete as a family, but there is a part in my brain that wants me to step back a little because of all the things that happen in our family since we are young.
I woking up early this past day because I am sleeping in my parent`s living room and I am awakened by every sound I hear, and in addition, my mind is not yet comfortable sleeping here in our house.
Today I and my younger brother were left in the house while our parents are opening the store not so far away from here. We spend the whole day playing our Playstation 4 and attending some of my online classes and answering worksheets.
Here the internet is free so I can use much as I want and the electricity is free as well. I can watch and download anything that I need for a long time but I can`t download it when I was in my house in Mendez because I only use data connection there and we all know that it is expensive and kind of slow sometimes.
At lunch, we cooked some Sinampalukan na Manok, a Filipino dish that my family loved since when I was a child. After that, we rest for the whole day and at night I do the thing I need to do for school.
Going home or visiting is one of the best things to do when you have a long weekend or a vacation ahead. It makes the connection to the family strong. the connection can heal wounds that are bleeding for a long time only waiting for the right words to heal.
Going home is sometimes stressful with the things that you need to be done, all thing you need to carry with you when you will spend a long time in your parent's house, but it is all worth it because it will make you sibling and parents happy and in bonus, you will not pay a single rent and bills for a month when you visit.
All Images are from Unsplash
The Night
The Night of October 19, 2021
First the Afternoon, as soon as we arrived in Naic Cavite, I help my mother in the market we have. My mother`s business is selling meat near a subdivision at our place, my mother sells there for almost 5 years I think and she shows there every day in that 5 years. I and my father help my mother every day when I am living here full time. It is fun selling meat but it is exhausting, it is also a good way to pass time here in our home town.
There is nothing much to do here in our house, but Naic Cavite is a good location for cycling because it is near the Kaybiang Tunnel of Ternate Cavite. Naic is also a good route to Tagaytay City and many more places in Cavite. But Naic is so hot like any other town in low land.
After 3 months I am happy that I come back here now before November, last year I am unable to go home to visit my loved ones who passed away. But for this year I will assure you that I will visit them even in a short period of time.
We spend almost the whole day in my mother`s store selling and selling customer after customer. I love going in the store to observe many people and how they react in everyday life, I see many kinds of parents and how to treat their children, I see bad people taking advantage of others and many other kinds of people. Sometimes I am surprised by how they act in different situations. I see how they change their reaction every time. Is it just me that loves observing other people on how they react in real life?
After the store closed we headed home, I as soon as I get home I set up my computers and other things so I can have a working space where I can write and study different things. Now I can surf the internet for as long as I want because my parent has an internet connection unlike in my house I rely on data services and it so unreliable.
My younger brother is so happy about my arrival, now he has someone to play with within his play station 4. Last year we love playing Assasin`s Creed Odessey, it is fun and addictive, it is an open-world game that let you combine many kinds of armor for the different battle style you want, it is fun, so fun.
After I set up my computer and my brother`s PlayStation, I decided to take a rest and sit in our living room, it is fun to sit here again after a long 3 months away from this house. This house has advantages and disadvantages like any other house filled with people. We only have several months before we move to our different house because this house will be demolished because of the construction of a new bridge from Cavite to Bataan. It is a piece of heartbreaking news for us because we all grew up here. We all have memories here growing up, memories full of happiness and sadness, challenges and victory. When I was a little kid I will wake up and sleep again in this same place and it is hard to accept that this place will be lost forever in several months. But it is what is, we can fight the government especially when many other people will benefit from this project.
Going home even in a small amount of time is priceless, it is both stressful and fun, but most of the time stressful because you will adapt again in a small place with another part of the family. It is hard to move back in especially when you have a computer setup instead of a laptop and a pet, those 2 require a lot of space in the house and many old people will not like you moving pieces on their house. So it is more stressful in the beginning and slowly becoming fun than when your vacation is about to end, suddenly all things are fun and it is hard to say goodbye.
All Images are from Unsplash
A Tug of War
October 19, 2021
Our brain is so powerful, it can control all things about one person and sometimes it can even control the other. It can be a safer haven sometimes but it can be a hell full of demons. Our brain is so powerful that it can be a sword that will lead us to victory, a sword that we can use to fight. But there is a downside to the brain being a sword, our brain can be a double blades sword, the more we use it, the more it becomes dangerous for the user and its opponent. A double blades sword hat is one wrong that you do, you can hurt yourself and you will remember it forever.
Our brain can be our shied, it can protect us in many different situations when we use it in the right way. It can work very perfectly to prevent certain bad things to happen in our life on a day-to-day basis. With our brain used right, we can choose perfectly and flawlessly when we use it in the highest capacity we can. But there is a time that we are wrong even we think we are right, I think it happens to many people every day. We tend to make a decision pushing our self and when the result comes, all the regrets show up.
Our brain is so wide and deep it is able to do more things than we imagine.
Morning
Today I woke up late, I think it is 10 AM. I have a difficulty sleeping for almost 2 weeks now and I don`t know why. I did everything I can so I will fall asleep early in the evening but nothing works.
It is now 10 AM and I will try to do everything at once before 1 PM hits, I will do this because I woke up late and my schedule of studying is 1 PM. I cram all the things I need to do when I woke up like, Cleaning the house, Cleaning the mess that my dog made, preparing my breakfast or lunch, and checking everything on my computers like messages, email, and my to-do list before I study continuously.
Now it is 12 in the afternoon and I'm about to start doing things for school, but my mind is in a different place for almost every day in the past few weeks, my mind thinks that what I go home today and stay there until I save up enough money again. We all know that living alone is one of the hardest parts of our life but we are all required to do it. Living alone includes paying your own rent, food, bills, and many more, in addition, I have a dog to feed. We all know that this thing is so stressful and it all comes at the same time, it comes at the end of the month.
My mind thinks that it is better to go home to save money, but at the same time, there is a part of my brain that is saying no about this. I have a hard time fitting in our house because I am studying and almost all the people in our house are working. So when I am studying, they don`t understand what I am doing, they think that I am pretending to study in order to not work with them. And in addition, I and my father have a huge fight last year and it is terrible.
As I am forcing myself to do the thing that I don`t want, my mother messages me saying that they are outside of my house, I immediately go outside seeing them waiting for me, I realized that the thing that I am thinking about since morning is falling in one line. So Immediately pack my things and say that I will go home for some time until the end of all saints day. My mother agreed and we all go home.
All Images are from Unsplash
A Glass of...
October 17, 2021
We all want to take a break from everything that is simultaneously happening around us. We want to take a break from all the toxic forms of us humans, we want to seek and find peace but almost all the time, we can`t see it. We want to take a break from our work but we will think about the losses we will gain once we stop working even for a short period of time. Sometimes want to take a break from being the someone we are not, we all know that this is exhausting. And sometimes we want to take a break from being us and wander around carefree.
It is Sunday and for almost all people, this the one day to take a rest and stop thinking for a while spent time with their loved ones, and do the things that they love. We have different ways to spend a day off, many of us go out with their family, many go for a hike, biking, or any other outdoor activity, and there are many that want to spend it locked in their room playing video games all day or watching movies until they sleep and wake up early in a stressful Monday morning.
I woke up early late every day for these past weeks, I am still a student under online class but asynchronous, meaning we have are not required to go to classes because they will send recorded lectures and PDF for the student afterward. So I will wake up late almost every day and stay late until morning to finish things that I want and needed to do.
But when Sunday arrives, I will make sure that I will not do anything the whole day and night so I can truly rest and become ready for the whole week coming. I will do things that I want and eat in time which I can`t do on weekdays because of all the work I need to do.
This Sunday we decided to spend our day in one of my friend`s houses in Trece Martires not so far away from my house. We spend all day chatting about how our life is going, how`s our quarantine going, and how the school is going. We eat lunch there and drink some beer.
After almost 2 long years of a pandemic is it hard to keep in touch with some friends especially those who live far away from you. We become so busy in front of our computers continuously working or researching that we forgot to rest and keep in touch with our friends.
Going out with them is a good practice even once per month, it is so exhausting to stay inside your darkroom 7 days a week alone. In the first months, you can stand it and you will work hard and efficiently, but the week will pass and you will not notice that you are exhausted and being unproductive, and think there is something wrong, and the only answer is to take a rest for a whole day and try to restart for a while.
When the evening comes we decide to go home. On the way back to my house I realize how lucky I am to be surrounded by great and amazing friends that never forget about me even we don`t talk for a long time because we are busy with our own jobs and problems. When we meet it`s like we always we each other every day and there is no 2 years gap.
When I arrived home, I prepare my dog meal for the night and watch him eat for a while. Sometimes my dog will not eat while I am not watching him and I don`t know why but it is cute and annoying sometimes. After that, I lay in bed early but I can`t sleep early because my body is programmed to sleep so late every day.
This is a great day and full of great stories and friends that I can treasure until the day I die, stories that I can tell to the next generation and will fascinate and inspire them like how I feel now.
All Images are from Unsplash
Plant Hunting
October 16, 2021
After a long week of stress and overthinking, I guess all my homework and task is done, the only thing left to do is clean the house. This past week is so stressful, because of the quizzes and the skill demonstration for one of my subject's clinical pathology. It is stressful because it requires us to have an animal that is ready for blood collection. I have a dog with me but it is an American Bully and it is 2 years old, meaning it is big and powerful, it weighs 30 kilos. I and my friend can`t restrain him and I have no experience collecting blood in dogs so I am nervous to do it. Many days later I beg my sister to bring me some alive chicken from our grandparent`s house, she managed to get one and one day later she bring it here. I am so thankful, and now I can rest easy that my skill demonstration is done and I already submitted it to my professor.
My friend wakes me up by calling my name outside the house and saying that the chicken is now dead. At first, I believed him, I quickly get up and look outside the window and seeing that the chicken is alive and kicking.
After seeing that the chicken is alive, I open my door and let my friend walk in, I ask him if he wants some coffee. After we are done talking, I see that today the sunshine was too good and it is a good day to wash my bed covers, and I did. I manage to wash 2 of my covers and hang them outside where the sun hit the most. After I finish hanging my covers, I remember that the dog food container is empty and I need to buy 5 kilos. I get ready and come with my friend to Tagaytay to buy some food for our dogs.
When we are in the car, he said that his sister will come with us and she will buy some plants both for display in their house and to sell some of them, because they have a store near the town center. We pick her up in the clinic with her daughter, in the morning she said that they go to the clinic for a checkup and to buy some medicine for acne. After that, we go to Silang where there are many stores for plants and pots. We spend almost 3 hours there looking for the best plants to buy. I have fun looking at the plants while waiting for them to finish choosing the right one.
For me, it is essential to go outside sometimes so have more sunlight and to rest my eye from the radiation of the computer screen. And at the same time going outside provide me some rest even I am not comfortable enough, because when I am in the house alone, all I can think is to find things to write, learn something on my guitar, or find something to clean in the house, so when I am in the house even I want to rest I can`t totally rest because I always want to do something.
After we finish looking and buying the plant we decided to go home and take a rest. It is Saturday so there is a lot of traffic on the roads especially the road from Dasma to Tagaytay because many of the people from Manila want to rest and spent their weekend in Tagaytay because of the good views and cold weather.
When we reach the house, there is a small gathering and we decided to eat there and the food is so good especially the barbeque. After that we find a person to fix some pants and we did not find him, but we find a good location that is the best to build a house. But for this time, we don't have enough money so I will put it on my dream list.
All Images are from Unsplash
A Busy Day
October 14, 2021
Last night I sleep very late around 3 AM, I spend time talking with my cousin that lives far away from me. We talked bout guitars and upgrades that we want to have, and also we talk about the new 7 string Jackson guitar of my cousin. He earns it from tutoring students in how to mix a song.
In the morning I woke up early, I left my phone open so my girlfriend can call me and wake me up because I have a quiz this morning. This quiz is from the subject Epidemiology which I did not study well because there are many things happening at the same time. I feel too tired every day so I do have not enough time to watch the lecture that is 50 minutes long, and my professor did not send a document or PDF copy of the lecture so it is hard to take notes. Once I open the quiz in google forms, all the questions are computations, with this I only need the formulas and I am done.
After the quiz, I go to the kitchen to clean and cook my breakfast but there is no water pouring out of the faucet. I contact my friend who owns the apartment that I am living and we found out the waterline is broken due to the powerful pressure of the water this past few days. He immediately contact the repairman but there is no free man to fix our water line so we wait until evening before it get fixed.
So the whole day we don`t have a supply of water and I have no water saved in my big bucket near my house. I spend my day practicing guitar and sitting all day so I will not feel hungry because there is no water to cook my rice and rinse every food I will eat. While I am playing my guitar one of my friends message me and said that there is a surprise quiz in one of our subjects. I immediately open the computer and start answering, it takes me almost half an hour to finish the quiz in radiology.
in the evening, my grandfather and sibling visited me and bring me some food and money, we hang for a while and talk about what is happening in our lives.
I missed them a lot because it is almost 4 months since the last time I see them in our house in Naic Cavite. There are many things happening at once, that is why I left home. And I feel both happy and sad living alone here near Tagaytay. living alone thought me many things about life and about my own self.
After a long conversation, they left and I said I will visit home next month or in the semester break. The moment they left the water came back and I started to wash all the dishes and cook my food. Living without water is so hard and it will make you appreciate water more. Beginning now I will sure that I have saved water in the buckets and every water bottle I have, so I will not suffer in this kind of situation again.
After this stressful day, I will try to go to bed early and take a good rest because tomorrow will be a different day of stress, more stressful than ever because I will try to collect blood to a chicken and send it to the laboratory, this is a project for my major subject Clinical pathology. I am thinking about this project for almost 1 week and tomorrow will be the start of it, I hope everything will go smoothly and according to plan. This is my first time collecting blood from a chicken because of the covid we stop all the projects in the laboratory and we have so limited time to learn the practical skills we needed as a Veterinary Medicine Doctor.
Emotions
October 13, 2021
Today I woke up the same time I wake up every day, about 8:30 in the morning I will wake up and leave my bed around 9 AM. I know, this is not a good habit of me, and I wat many time in the morning special the only time in the day that the sunlight is healthy and feel so good in our skin. I set my alarm at 6:30 in the morning and I will immediately stop it once it alarm, many times I will feel bad doing this but, I don`t feel like waking up early and I feel so tired lately even I have much time to rest.
Still, I feel so unmotivated, and moving is hard for me as in the past days, my body feels so heavy and when I start doing things I need to do, I feel so tired in the first minute or hour I am working.
Today I decided to change my daily schedule, I swap the time of playing my guitar and studying. Yesterday I am studying in the afternoon until 6 or 7 in the evening, and practicing my guitar in the evening and writing here on reading cash from 12 AM onwards until I finished too. Today I decided to practice my guitar playing in the morning so I can do something I like in the morning and feel good about it and as the day progress I will do the things I needed to do. I do this swapping hoping that My guitar practice which is what I really want can lift the pressure and depressive stress that the college gives me.
But as you can see, nothing change I still feel so tired every day even I put much time resting like lying in bed browsing on different social media platforms. I try doing things that I love like playing guitar and cycling but the feeling is still the same.
Every day there is a shift in my emotions that is too far from the previous one, I don`t know why and how this is happening but it is happening quite often now. When I feel this kind of feeling I will just blame the weather or the season, saying that this time of the year, there is less and less sunlight reaching many people that is why there is a drastic shift of emotions.
But as this cold season progress, the feeling never left but instead, it worsen every day. It becomes uncontrollable and it shifts fast, like when I am talking to someone and our topic is very fun, suddenly I will feel something is wrong or I am not happy about the conversation anymore and I will hang up the phone and try to rest or sleep.
I don`t know if I am really tired or there is something deeper in it that is left to be discovered, But I am so afraid to dig deeper and search for some answer that I am not sure that I am ready for that answer. My girlfriend is always convincing me to go the therapy, but I think it is just me and nothing else. But as the days go by, I do some readings and I feel so bothered by all the articles I have read. The Symptoms are correct and well said, but there is a part on my mind telling me that I am wrong but also right.
This happens every day and I just embrace it until it goes away, This feeling or emotion, whatever you want to call it will leave me when in the early summer where the sun will start to show every day.
Color Our Minds
October 12, 2021
Sometimes we all feel tired even we don`t do things all day, or even we just get out of bed. And there are many of us that do things that we are forced to do until we break and bleed and still they will try harder to force us. Until even the things that we once enjoyed will feel like it slowly killing us and we don`t know the reason behind it. Sometimes we feel the there is no reason for all the things that are happening around us, it`s like we pick our colors to color our brains with, and every time we try to color it differently, we choose the wrong color, and the result is always devastating.
This past week I always feel like that even I choose to take a break for 4 days straight and do things I love to do. I and my friend go cycling every morning for 2 days and we eat and relax in Tagaytay to unwind and let our brains take time to breathe. I stop writing here on reading cash for a while and enjoy my time, writing poems and songs for myself. And I spend my time watching youtube videos like music videos and guitar lessons. I always try to maintain my calmness and peace but there is always something wrong, there is something that makes me uncomfortable, at first I can resist thinking about it, but as the days go by I feel weaker and I have no choice but to give in.
After all the things I do for myself, I still feel the same, tired, unmotivated, and ready to give up everything in exchange for something I don`t know. I think many of us can feel the same way like we want something but we don`t know what it is, or we can`t feel something but we don`t really know what to feel. And then as we think deeper, we will be lost in our own abyss and we will take a long time to get out of there, so I think it is better to leave it close and far from our minds reach.
After all the pressure that they give to us and slowly marked and color our brains, there is no turning back for us, the only time it will stop is when we die or when we take a big step in our life to break free. First, it will destroy us completely and feel like there is no place to go, that all turn and dead ends or a cliffside that we can jump in any time. But as long as we try to fight, there will be a time, the right time that we can choose whatever color we want to paint our brains with. And when that time comes, we will feel true peace and we can do better to the things that we want, we can work better than before.
There are 10 million colors out there, colors with different meanings and values. it is up to us what to choose, and what we think is perfect for us. Pick for ourselves and not for the people's eyes that will judge us whatever we pick, every decision we will make will be wrong or right for them. Let's do our life for us, let us live our life the way we are happy and we are comfortable. There is peace when we try to color our brain the way we wanted because we lock our true self in the back of the brain and it will try to break free every time until we and ourselves will clash you will have a hard time knowing what is right or wrong.
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A long Day in the Car
October 11, 2021
We all want an extra minute of sleep every morning or we want to sleep for the whole morning and crup all the things we need to do later in the day. Especially when the rainy season arrives, when the raindrop slowly dropping on our roof, or when the windy days come and you can hear the leaves swaying and dancing and these moments are perfect when the sunshine is bright but it is not too hot and not too cold.
Morning
I woke up late this morning, I thought it was raining because the wind is so powerful so decided to take a minute more sleeping. After 2 more hours of sleep, I woke up again and decided to get up. I immediately do all the things that I normally do in the morning like arranging my bed, sweeping the floor, cleaning the carpet, and cleaning all the mess that my dog does. While I am doing all that I also cook rice and defrost the meat I will cook for the morning. I am always cleaning my carpet every day because my dog has a habit of playing outside the bedroom then running back in the room and roll many times on the carpet.
After all the things I needed to do, I take the trash outside where the garbage truck can collect it. Here in our town, we only have 2 days in a week to take the trash out, on Monday and Thursday, and we need to separate all kinds of garbage in order to maintain the cleanliness and make it easy for the collectors.
every day I am always trying to minimize my garbage and monitor it every week whether it is increasing or decreasing. This past 2 weeks I only collected 2 small bags of plastic garbage, since last year this is my minimum garbage per 2 weeks and I think it is not too many for 2 weeks of collection.
After I take the garbage out I cook my fries and fish ball and eat then take a rest before continuing my day. Every day since September 18, 2021, I am trying to play my guitar every day even in a small amount of time. In September I managed to practice 5 to 6 hours a day because, at that time, I am not busy with school works. But when October came in I become busy and I can practice guitar for only 2 hours a day but sometimes shorter, so when I have a chance to practice I will always take it and play my guitar like it is my last.
But yesterday while I am recording my guitar, the string break. Luckily I have a spare string set and I immediately put it in my guitar, but the gauge is too thick and I can`t tune in a standard E. So this afternoon I went to the nearest town to find some music store but they don`t sell the string gauge I am looking for, so I buy the cheapest and order online to get the string gauge that I want.
Evening
I came back home late and tired because my friend ask me if I can join him to go to Dasma to get some ingredients for the bread that they are making. After that, we go to a supermarket and we are the lat to leave, we are too late for the supper market so we gather all thing that we need and pay quickly so the store can close that time.
As I went outside, I noticed that all thing seems normal and many people forget to practice social distancing to prevent the spread of the virus. But I think it is what it is and we can`t control all the people to obey and get the result that we wanted.
All Images are from Unsplash
We go Cycling
October 9, 2021
Today I wake up very fine and excited to tackle the day will my whole energy. This past day I feel so tired and unmotivated but now I feel great and take some things to do and finish it again until I become tired again.
I wake up early, arrange my bed and clean the house because my dog pee near the bathroom so I need to clean that every time. We don`t have an exam lined up so I have much time to spare to relieve some stress and have fun. yesterday we decided me and my friend decided to go to a tourist attraction near our town and try to apply for a job position as a tour guide.
We wake up early because our time to meet is 8 and I wake up at 6:30 in the morning to prepare everything that I need. I make a coffee and enjoy it until 7 AM. It is near * am but my friend did not respond to all my calls and chat so I know that he is still in sleep and I need to go to his house and wake him up, because when I did not do that will sleep until 10 AM and our plan will be canceled.
So I prepare my bicycle and go to his house not so far from where I live, It will take just 5 mins to go to his house. And I am right he is still asleep comfortably and I wake him up. He immediately gets up and drinks his coffee. His bicycle is still in my house so I go back to my house and wait for him there. Once he arrived we immediately get going to make up for the time we missed.
At the start of our journey, the rain starts to fall and ruins our excitement, because of the rain we proceed to stop for a bit and let the rain pass. After the rain, we get going and headed to our main destination.
Our destination is not too far, only 7 kilometers away from my house, it is a dun short ride until it rains again, but this time It is much heavier and we decide to stop again and find some shed to let the rain pass.
When the rain passes we decide to go and fast to reach the farm we need to go and apply for our job. But as we approach the gate we noticed that is close, we thought that we are too early for the opening time but when we checked their Facebook page, they will open next week October 15, 2021. So we decided that we will just email the farm and wait for their response if they need more people for the farm.
After we see that the farm is close until next week, we decided to continue our ride because it is too early and I feel so tired continuously working in my room alone for almost 3 months. We go to Tagaytay and eat in a restaurant offering unlimited chicken wings, french fries, and rice. This restaurant is good and we eat here 2 times this week and it still tastes good. After we eat we decided to stay there and enjoy the view of the Taal lake and volcano for a while while we wait for the sun to shine again.
After a while, we headed home and clean our bicycles. My friend go back to his house but will come back later because we will have a short ride tomorrow and I know it will be fun again.
All Images are from Unsplash
First Exam of the School Year.
October 6, 2021
Last night I sleep very late because I have an exam today for my Clinical Pathology. It is a hard subject because it is one of my major subjects. Today I woke up late, feeling tired and irritated due to incomplete sleep and too much coffee in my circulation. I am preparing for this examination for almost 4 days straight, and my kind of exhausted.
Goodmorning
I am making a reviewer for it, I am retyping everything from the PDF that my professor gave me and I am adding the side notes and important things he is saying. This exam covers many topics, like Introduction to Clinical Pathology, Hematology, Leukocytes, and Thrombocytes.
This topic is almost the basics of Clinical pathology and it must be learned by all students. This topic is about the blood that circulates in our body, how it affects us when a certain cell increases and decreases. This topic will also tackle about what will the effect of the cells when it increases or decreases, What will happen to them when you are stress or in pain, like in inflammation.
This subject is interesting, fun, and hard at the same time. This will challenge both your knowledge and skills in understanding many things in the body. It is overwhelming for me sometimes, because I don`t have much experience in blood collection, because when we are about to study about it in school the pandemic arrived and all the classes are canceled. So because of this many students like me suffer from that kind of problem, and it is hard for us and sometimes it is degrading for me. Like many of my classmates are good at it because they have time to work part-time in the clinics during this pandemic. But for me, I can`t work in the clinic even part-time or full-time because, Last three months I am in charge to take care of my younger brother, and second I get infected by covid last month.
With this thing in my mind, I feel so pressured to learn all of the things I needed in order to become a good doctor. It gives me problems and sleepless nights, I am thing over and over again if I am fitted to this kind of profession when there are many things that I don`t know how to perform. I know it will take time, but I am so left behind and I am chasing them slowly. I feel so left out when they are talking about it and I feel so down when I don`t know something that they know.
Exam Time
The time has come, the exam will begin in less than an hour. This put a lot of pressure on me because if I fail these 4 exams that are come this whole semester, I will re-take all the whole subject next year and that is a bad thing for me. When I fail, It will put an additional year and when it happens it will take a longer time for me to graduate.
The exam takes 1 hour and I am done, it is so hard and it becomes harder because of the time limit. I think I can`t get a higher score than 40. It is so hard and many of the questions are taking too much time to read and the same with the choices.
The result will be out in a few hours or tomorrow, but for now, I don`t want to think about it. I want to get some good rest and do things that I want. I don`t want to stress myself more and more to things I can`t change any more.
I finish the day talking to my friends and planning to watch some movies but it never happens because we are all exhausted for the whole week studying for the exam and doing things in the school that needs to be done this week. It is nice to have friends near my house when we all feel stressed we will take time out in all the work and hang for some time and before the night ends we all go to sleep and wait for tomorrow that will stress us again.
First Month of this School Year
October 5, 2021
There is time in the week that we feel so tired that the thing we only want to do is nothing, lie in bed all day and make ourselves comfortable. This one of the hardest time especially when we have many things to do like lecture we need to read, activities that we need to submit, poems and lyrics to be written and many other this that needs to be done in just one day. This feeling tends to happen fast and suddenly, last night before I sleep, I rethink all the things that I need to do and made a list about it on my phone, and I am so excited to do it, so my to-do list will be lessened. But suddenly in the morning I woke up late and feel too tired.
I don`t know if I am just tired because I am doing thing kind of workflow for almost 4 weeks, I will wake up around 8 in the morning and I will continue working and writing for the whole day and I will sleep ar around 2 or 3 in the morning. The Writing part is fine, I write poems and music all the time and at night I will write something to read cash. The things that make me feel tired is all the thing I need to do for school, I am a Veterinary Medicine and I am currently at my 4th or 5 Th year, I`m not sure. But there are so many things the professor ask us to do.
The online class is more exhausting than Face to Face
In the face-to-face setting, We will wake up early, prepare ourselves for school, go to school, go home and we can rest. In an online class, it is a whole day sitting alone in form of your computer or phone, with no one to talks to so it is more boring. There is more activity given by the professors during online classes because they think that we have a lot of spare time in the house. But it is harder to focus when studying at home because of the many distractions and choirs that we need to do.
I am not complaining about these issues, I am just saying what is happening. We are all affected by this pandemic and many people did not cope or adjust to it pretty quickly. Many people are still stuck and they don`t know what is the next move for them. Many people lose their jobs and some stop going to school until this pandemic ends because it is much easy for them. And especially there are students that take subjects more they can handle because they know that the exam will be online and they can cheat, and by the time we all go back to normal, they have fewer subjects face to face.
I don`t if I really feel tired or it`s just the weather and the sudden shortening of the day and longer nights, and in addition, it is raining here since yesterday. Sunlight plays an important role in my brain, so when the cold season comes, it is hard for my brain to cope and function well. I don`t know if others feel the same way when the cold season comes, but for me, It affects me pretty band and it will last until the end of December or the end of January.
I hope that it is not worst than last year. last year was extreme and affect me deeply. Until now I can still remember the feeling when I am under that feeling and I don`t want to feel it again.
All Images are form Unsplash
Time is a Gift
October 4, 2021
our life moves continuously, always going forward and as days, months and years go by, the movement becomes faster and faster. The way it moves becomes destructive for us and sometimes it moves for good. As fast our life gets, it becomes fast for us to forget small things and even the big things that happen in our life. We tend to be not excited anymore about what is happening now or what will happen tomorrow because we think that there is another day for something to happen. We become focused on waiting on things that we want to happen and we did not look to the things that are happening at the moment. And before we noticed it, the moment is gone and we can`t go back at it
When we are a child
When we are a child, every small thing in our life is big for us, we celebrate every occasion we know, we remember even the day that our parents bought out first toy car or toy gun. We never forget the first day of school or the first time our teacher praises us in front of the whole class.
as a child we don`t worry about anything, we don`t know many words and things yet and we see the world filled with candies, rainbows, and things or places we need to explore. We did not know about time and death, all we know is how to play, eat, rest, and past time the whole day.
As we grow older every day and many knowledge come to our mind it is the time that everything will change, but it is too dar for a child.
When we grow older
When we grow older and older, the slower the time gets. This is the crucial part of our life, the age of 15- 18. This time of our life will affect us deeper we can imagine. This time, we can remember almost all the things that are happening in our life.
The good and the bad will hunt us for a long time. And in this part of our timeline, we can overlook many things, we look far, we think what our life will be when we move out, or what it will be when we turn adult.
I think it is normal for a kid to think ahead and look for something that Is not there in the moment. It is normal that his or her imagination is very wild, thinking anything will be possible and all his or her plans will go smoothly.
And we all know how our life works, it will try hard to ruin our life and when we survived the first trial, we will try harder and harder every time until we give in to the pressure, it will try hard until we break down and what`s next?
We will try to rebuild ourselves from the ground up, we will rebuild in a wise and knowledgeable way. This time we know many things and lessons in life and when we handle it and listen to it carefully, it will bring us far in our life.
The Start of the Adult Life
Remember when we are a kid, we always think ahead every time, always think that we want to grow fast and want to be an adult. Know here we are. As I said, as a kid we always look far and when we are there, we tend to look back and regret almost everything we do.
We focus so much on the things that are not happening, and we forget the present where we live in, and when the moment past we will look back and said that "If I can go back in time"
How many times did you said that phrase is how many times that you regret that you did not use your time right. We are to focus on the goal that we want or sometimes goal that we don`t even want. We are so focused that we forget anything around us, we don`t notice many times in our life that is important.
When we look back and see nothing, what stories will we tell to other people that we meet? What stores you will tell your future wife and child? That you become something? Then what?
**THEN WHAT?**
All Images are from Unsplash
Take a Rest
October 3, 2021
It's a great start of the month for me, everything is in the flow I wanted. All the things I have to think are really happening and I am happy about it. The plans I almost think for the whole month of September are really happening. I am happy about and I hope this flow lasts until the end of the year or until next year.
All is flowing great and I like it, But since August start I really don`t have a good day of rest. I sit in front of my computer every day, from 10 AM in the morning until 3 AM in the morning. I know that it is not healthy and it will burn me quickly fast before I can think of it. But for it is good, the feeling of getting everything done in the fastest time I can is incredible.
At first, I want to do this habit only at the beginning of a week, so when I do this, I can finish all my tasks both in school and Other things that I doing. And it worked, all the things on my to-do list are cleared before Wednesday arrives. Many weeks pass by and I did not notice that I do this every single day of the week from Monday to Sunday without fail.
Sometimes I am happy about and I think it is good to be productive every day to get all things done, and I can have much spare time before the end of the week arrive. But as long as I do it, for me there is no spare time, I think all my tasks grow exponentially with the spare time I get.
It is fine for me, as long as I feel happy about it, but when I want to lay in bed and take a rest and watch some shows or anime, I feel like I am being lazy or cheering to myself. I feel like taking a rest is a sin for me, I feel like I have many things to do and I am wasting my time resting.
As long as I do it, it becomes tiring and exhausting, I feel the burn in my min. Sometimes I feel that I have nothing left to write here at read cash, because I think I say all the things I can say. Sometimes I can`t write songs or do my music because I do it all the time in most hours of my day, I feel the burn and my creativity is like draining.
So this morning I know what should I do, I re-check my schedules for the whole week, find every time slot that is free, and make it a rest time. Starting now I will not do anything every Sunday except writing here because I don`t feel good when I don`t write in a day and When there is an examination. I will do things that I only want on Sundays like playing guitars, write songs sometimes, I want to ride my bicycle again, and take a long ride in beautiful places near my location, I want to play with my dog more and I will do that bit by bit every Sunday. I hope taking a rest on Sundays is the right choice, I hope I can regain my creativity during my rest.
Being productive is good and it is different from working. Overworking will lead to the serious thing as time pass by, the thing that we at first can notice, but when the time comes or when it comes worse it will be hard for us to recover form It.
I learned many things this past month, I read a lot of articles and watch many tutorial videos. Because of this, I want to do as many things as I can and I forget what is the most important thing in life. I forgot taking care of our body must be the number one priority.
Sounds like A Plan for October
October 1, 2021
This is the start of a new month, and I have a great feeling that this month will run smoothly. I have many plans, ideas, and projects for this month that I am thinking of since the beginning of the year. But at the beginning of the year, many unexpected this happened and I become overwhelmed and decide to take a break and relax. But I did not have a relaxing time, I underwent surgery, went home to attend to family a family problem and I can`t leave when I wanted to because my little brother will be left alone while my parents are working in the market.
Because of all these happening many projects that I start at the beginning of January become on hold to attend to these matters. But I did not regret coming home and helping my family, In fact, I am happy and kind of sad when I go home. I reconnected with my family, I left home back in 2016 and I only come back there to visit when I am on vacation, but I stay there for an hour and sometimes 2 days. But This time I stayed there for almost four months and it is full of ups and downs.
Planning and Regrouping My Thoughts
Last month I spent my time planning, watching youtube videos, and taking down notes for the project that are I am thinking about and projects that I am continuing. I stopped writing and drawing last May so it is hard for me to gain the same momentum. But this month I think I am ready again to start the thing that I left hanging for many months.
Between Silence and Peace
At the begging of the year I started to write a poetry book titled "Between Silence and Peace", I planned that this is 125 poems, and at the time that I stopped writing, I had already written 82 poems. This month I planned that I will continue writing and being active on many social media platforms so when I publish the book there is someone interested in it.
Between Silence and Peace are a collection of my poems about, depression, hope, love, and regrets. I put my soul into writing and I hope many will read and like it. While I am writing the early parts of my poetry book, I think that many people can relate to those poems. Many of those poems are about fighting our demons every day in our head, not losing hope, and about how different people understand love.
The book will be a poetry book and a photo book at the same time because I will attach an image that will complement my poem. But since I don`t have a camera now, I will just finish the poems and save some money to buy a brand-new or secondhand camera.
My Magnum Opus
I have had this idea in my mind for a long time to write music about many things. Last month a got almost all the this that I need to record my music, the only thing missing is my time to start it.
In fact, I am having a hard time writing it because of many reasons. First, I stopped playing guitar 2 years ago because I am too busy in med school, now I am having a hard time studying guitar again. Second, since I am away from music for a long time, I have a limited idea about how to start it again.
But day by day I am slowly working about it, I am tirelessly watching videos and reading some articles on how to start and write songs again. I hope my fir don`t run out this time, and I hope that there is no bad thing will happen again so I can finish this project.
This year I am focusing on starting these projects and obtaining the materials that I needed like, Cameras, microphones and many other things for recording. I know this journey will be hard, but I think I am not alone in this ride I have my own self and my dog that is believing in me and that is all I need. Over the years I learned that you don`t need the support of others in other to fuel your soul to fulfill a dream, your mind, your idea, and hope is enough to finish the project that you started.
**For those aspiring artists, writers, and creators like me, never stop believing in your self, always remember that you are not alone, many of us are suffering with you, and at the end of the journey, I hope we can all shake hands when we are at the top.**
All Images are from Unsplash
At the end of September
September
September 2021 is about to end, this is a roller coaster ride for me. Full of ups and downs that test my strength both physical and mental health. It also tests my patience and knowledge in life. I think in this month I grow a lot as an adult, I become more careful about my life. I think more before I make decisions and double-checking everything before I proceed. And I also learn how to manage my time well and I learn a little bit about how to manage my money properly.
The Beginning of the Month
At the begging of the month, I decided to buy a computer to help me in my online class. I get a Windows computer With Intel 10 generation 10 in an ASUS motherboard, with 8 GB of ram, 128 SSD, 500HDD, and a generic case for it. A shop in GMA Cavite assembled it and it is so good. At first, I bought a 22 inches LG monitor for it, but I bought it second-hand so I broke fast, then my mother bought me TLC 32 inches TV to be my monitor, and it's the best thing I ever had.
Having a computer is so efficient, you can do many things at once and it is so fast. Last year I used a Teclast p20 HD tablet for my online class and it is hard. Some of the features of the tablet can keep up with the demand of the online class. Thankfully my brother bought it and I used the money to add when I buy my computer.
This computer is very good for everyday use, it is good in writing here in read.cash, I also connect it to my drawing tablet and it is amazing.
The Start of the Online Class
This month the Online class of 2021-2022 started. I take up many courses as I can to maximize this school year, I take 8 Courses, like Veterinary Research, Clinpath Laboratory, Surgery 2 Laboratory, Parasitology 2, Radiology, Epidemiology, Wildlife, and Physiology 3. This semester is running smoothly for me, I have better plans and time management, I can study and do the things that I love like playing guitar and writing here on reading.cash.
Infected
This month I also got infected by Covid-19 and eventually before the 3 weeks of September I am declared negative. At the begging of this month, I am infected by Covid brought by my brother who visited me here in my house in Mendez, Cavite. On the first day, I immediately feel some symptoms of the virus-like fever and a sore throat, so I reported it to the authorities, in that same day they called me and ask me some questions. In the following days of my quarantine, the Local Government Unit or the LGU provide everything I needed like medicine and some food.
In the middle of the quarantine, My computer broke and I have nothing to do, it means I have a lot of time in my hand. When I have much free time In a day or week, My mind tends to be free as well, It thinks about many things on its own and sometimes I can`t control it, that's why I hate to have much free time in my day. I want to be busy all the time so my mind will not have free time to think about many things and ideas.
With my Monitor broken, I decided to clean the house so I can pass time quickly, and I even wake up late every day, because I think when I do that, the day will end faster.
Gift
In the middle of the month, my cousin and my girlfriend give me a guitar and a sound interface as a preset, and I like it so much. Now that I have a computer I can record songs on my own and develop ng my skills day by day.
Their gift is a life changer for me and it arrived at the right time that I needed it. When It arrive they said that it is a box of cookies and I totally fell for it. At the time that I received it, I was almost very because of happiness. I am thankful to them, they make my September better even I am under isolation.
This month also test the faith
I think we all undergo those kinds of parts in our life, sometimes so dark and there are times that it is too light. We all feel down sometimes and the Important part is that we try to fight every day, we try to move forward every day. This month is different from the others in many different aspects, and I am somewhat thankful about, I am still alive and I have learned many things. When I am under quarantine I pour my time reading and learning about how to handle my life properly, how to have a good work ethic and how to become a better adult.
BCH
I heard 0.0426 BCH this month, I know this is not a lot but I am happy about it. I hope this October it becomes bigger because I need money to feed my dog and to support things that I love to do. Writing here and earning BCH change my life in many ways, I found writing can relax my brain when I pour out all the ideas that I am automatically thinking about every day, and as a bonus, I can earn BCH to feed my dogs, it is a win-win situation.
***What a wild month for me***...
All Images are from Unsplash
Thanks @Codename_Chikakiku for the sponsorship
The Most Dangerous Feeling
September 30, 2021
As we are growing up developing and discovering many abilities and feelings that we don`t know we have, we kind of enjoy it and we seek more of it. Like other humans behave when they are young, we become curious and thrilled to go on adventures that will further enhance and understand the feeling we are feeling, adventures that will bring us more knowledge and experience to know more about ourselves. Journeys enable us to further understand what our brain is capable of. In this journey, if we are not ready and strong enough, we can have a hard time advancing and there is a possibility to be stuck in an unexpected place.
It is good and bad at the same time for our mental and physical health. As we experiment in our life about what is felt, especially what love is, we tend to fail many times and it can affect more than we know. When we are young we become careless when we feel something new, it is normal because we are young at that time and we acquire our knowledge about everything through cartoons.
Can you remember the time that you first fell in love?
As young we are, there is little knowledge in our brain and we rely on it every day. That is why when there is new information, we tend to be excited and can`t stop thinking about it. This always happens the first time we feel love, we feel so different and happy and we feel so light and complete.
Do you remember when you first saw your crush when you are young, can you still remember the scent of his or her clone when he or she passes through you, can you still remember the color of his hair, the color of his or her eyes and do you still remember how he/she walks.
And when he/she walks towards you, you become frozen and it feels like the whole world stops. Does it feel like the time slows when you make eye contact?
Can you still remember the times that you let slip when you have the chance to talk to her? Can you still remember the nights that you prayed for a long day so you can be with her longer? Can you still remember the time when you first talk and walk together? and did you remember her smile when you ask her if you can carry her bag so she can walk easily on the way home?
Now it sounds funny and nonsense, but when we are at that time it feels so magical. it feels like we are in a movie or a fairy tale. When you finally have a chance to talk with her you don`t want the day to end.
***And we all know where it is going to end...***
We all feel it and we kind of embarrassed about it, but this is extremely normal and fun to look back. This is one of the moments that affect our minds when we are young, the memories that give us more knowledge and understanding about how our feelings work.
In this part of our life, we are careless and will just go with the flow where ever it takes us, and it is kind of scary when we think about it now, but in that time it is just normal. We are careless because we feel that we have a lot of time left in the world, there are nothing to do but to go to school and please your parent, we are careless because we always feel free and safe.
Can you remember the time when you are first rejected?
The first teardrop because of a broken heart? the first curse you said when she said the words that tear your heart? can you remember the person that you first told that you are "broken-hearted"? can you remember how many days it takes for you to stop crying and think about eating? or you are a stress eater and eat a lot since the breakup?
do you remember the lasting you said to her? do you still remember what triggers the break-up? Do you remember the song you listened?
Do you remember this thing that happens? there are 2 kinds of people, those who remember the goods time and those people that remember all the bad things that happen to them. Sometimes when we look back in the memories, we can still feel the pain, and sometimes we lough it out, but inside it still hurts.
We try many things so we can learn more about our self and sometimes we lose control. When this happens, we tend to like to stay in that place where we feel and alone and secure. Especially in breakups, we feel like we are nothing, we feel that they left us because we are a failure, and no one deserves us. On the first day, it is okay to feel like that, but as the day goes by and the more we think about it, the more realize that sometimes it is not our fault to sometimes it is a blessing in disguise.
With those kinds of experience we obtained, it makes us a different person, a wiser one. We feel like a new human that is ready for everything, we know what to do and how to act when that certain circumstance arrived again.
Love is one of the more mysterious things in the world, we are caught defenseless with it and we can do nothing about it but embrace it. Sometimes it destroys us but most of the time it builds us.
`All Images are from Unsplash`
Forming Connection
September 29, 2021
Since when we are little, we are trained and thought how to establish basic communication in life, they say that it will help us in the long run. And they are right, communication is of the most important thing in life, with this we can express how we feel, we can inspire others or bring awareness when needed. Connection is powerful that sometimes it can change the course of our life, sometimes it can dictate who among our friends will stay and who will leave us when the time comes.
Developing our communication skills will help us to find the perfect people in our lives, people that have the same interest as you, people that will guide you in life, people that will put you away from danger and fight in your side when you needed them. But there are some bad friends that stay with you in the good times and will disappear when you needed him or her the most.
Being connected to other people affect our life more than we think. Being connected to others can change the path we are taking, it is good and bad at the same time.
We All have this Kind of Friend
We can sacrifice things for a certain person that we are deeply connected with. Sometimes we give more than we have to a special person, and to some extent, it becomes one-sided or it becomes mutual.
One-sided friendship is very toxic, in the early day you will not notice that you are in that kind of relationship, sometimes you don`t even know that you are the one that is taking advantage of your friend.
There are some friends that are so generous and always want to give and in response when it first happens you will receive it as a sign of appreciation or respect. But as time go by and your relation deepens, your friend will continue to give you something and will just let him or her give it to you. And then at some point, you will expect to receive something from that and that is where the toxicity will begin, or sometimes that generous friend will expect something in return and you can`t give back, that's where the other problem begins. But this is not always happening in all of the relationships.
**Friends that we truly needed**
There is friendship that is so deep that they don`t expect anything in return since the beginning of their friendship, they are just happy together making memories. Friends that will stand with you in front of the battlefield, friends that will make memories with you and when you are lovely you can look back at it and it feels just yesterday, friends that push you to do good and love yourself more, and more importantly those friends that inspire you in life.
These kinds of friends are hard to find, and sometimes they arrived at the most unexpected time, Those time so dark that you feel you are alone on a cold snowy night, and your friend will come with a blanket, a touch, and a cup of coffee and sit with you in the cold until you feel better.
Friends that know you deeply in every situation, and you know the same about them. They know what you are going through, friends that see all of your bad sides but they stay by your side. On bad days, they will stay in silence by your side, waiting for you to talk, and once you talk he or she will immediately respond and it will help you calm even for a short time.
Friends and The Truth
Friends that will tell the truth in your face, not the kind of friends that will say what they think will make you happy and feel better, but in the end, you will find out that they are lying.
Friends that know that it is okay to live in a painful truth than in a comfortable lie that in the long run will destroy you and your friendship.
Friends that will bring you with them to the top
There are friends that forget you once there starting to be successful or becoming famous, but there are some that will bring you with them. Like my friend who has many followers on a social media platform and we wanted me to come with him in the success. And I Come along because we shared the same dream since we are young, we don`t have a hard time fitting in each other's life. He bought me a guitar so I can play with him when he needed me, and we jam sometimes and be better at playing guitar as time passes by.
*It is lonely at the top when you are alone, find someone that can be with you and can guide you through your journey, it will be hard sometimes to find a trustworthy friend or partner, but he or she will come to you or you come to him. Be true to everyone you meet and they will be true to you. Have a nice week, MAKE YOUR LIFE A CELEBRATION.*
`All Images are from Unsplash`
The Building Blocks to Accomplish your Dream
September 28, 2021
From the beginning when our minds are being developed little by little until the day our mind can process and think about the future, we are seeking something, we know that there is a place in the universe that is exclusive for us. A place so special that only you can fit in, only your mind can do something about it. A place where our action will make a greater impact than anything in the world.
And as we get older and think about that something every day, we will pour time and effort into that thing and it will become our dream. That is one thing that will make us fight harder and harder every day in able to succeed. That dream will fuel our hearts to not give up and to always stand up when we fall. And the dream that will wake up us in the morning, feeling taking a rest is a sin.
But as a child, growing up is one of the scariest parts of life, the more we think about it, the scarier it gets because we can think different possibilities can happen. We overthink everything that will possibly happen. Sometimes we think too negatively and forget about the positive sides of everything that can happen.
With this, we can be stuck in one place for a long period of time, or the other worse thing that can happen is that we change our path because we are so afraid. Changing a path will never do any good thing, when we decide to change a path there are times that we overthink again, there are times that the same problem will happen again and we will think to stop or change our path again.
This is bad and good at the same time, when we decide to change the path or change a plan that affects our whole life, there is a deeper meaning to it or there is a bigger problem at the back of the story. Sometimes changing the path is a defense mechanism that will help us form a great danger. But there are some people that change paths because they lose hope, I feel that myself, I feel that there is no point and I`m just wasting my time, I feel like I am alone in the journey and no one will see when I am at the top. In addition, when we are in the journey of making our dreams come true there are people that will speak nonsense to you and sometimes I will destroy our will and soul.
What is the building block of A successful dream?
Pour more time into it.
When you want to be good at something no matter what it is, just keep practicing and don`t stop until you get the result you wanted. It is not easy to maintain it every day because of many things that are simultaneously happening. But if we want it will find time for it, even for just half-hour or an hour we will practice the things or skills we want to develop.
It is okay to rest, just set some time when you will continue your journey. Practice making a schedule and be sure that you will follow it so you can get a better result
Don`t be afraid to fail
Don`t be afraid to make bad decisions or fail at something, and once you fail just try again and become more ready. Let all of your failures become your solid foundation to attain your goals.
The more you fail and do not give up, the more you become good because you will know everything will happen once you choose a certain decision. You will know what will happens next when one significant thing shows up.
This will be only effective when you look back at your failure. Study why you fail and make a plan not or a marker when you will not do that same mistake again.
Just keep Dreaming
Keep looking far, keep chasing your dream, don`t be afraid to dream so high. Just continue looking for the thing or position you wanted. Don`t rush anything just remember, good things come for those who wait.
Don`t be envious of the success of the story of others, just continue pushing and make your own story, your own story that everyone will listen to and admire. Along the way, when your dream is slowly being achieved, be an inspiration to others and help some deserving people along your way.
*Different people, different dreams, but the journey in accomplishing it is almost the same. It is full of ups and downs, the time we want to quit, and time that almost all our hope is gone, time that we want to rest and skip a day or two. There are times that we lost focus and forget the things that we need to do. But at the end of the day, no matter how far we drift away from our dream, we will find a way to go back or the universe will find the way for us.*
`All Images are from Unsplash`
Cope with the Change
September 27, 2021
Again, it is Monday the start of a long exhausting week, the begging of stress for students and some workers, but for some, this is an amazing day to start the whole week. Today all the things to do for the whole week are being uploaded in the google classrooms and many meetings are being held. This is so tiring as the week goes because it feels that the things to do are not being lessened. Many of the students can relate to this kind of feeling, like the sudden change in schedule or day of class, some students like me only rely on mobile data and not on unlimited internet so it is hard for me to load every two or three days.
Now the Prelims are near and it is time to start studying the lesson from the begging of the semester that we never open. It is time to take some notes while watching youtube videos about the lesson you are studying.
Online classes bring new experiences to everyone, everyone is not fully aware of this kind of setup, some are not comfortable, some are favor about, and there are some that can`t afford this kind of learning system. As you can see today, in order to go to school you need many things, like a phone or laptop and together with an internet or mobile data connection. And we all know those kinds of things are very expensive here in the Philippines. And even you have a phone, it is hard to edit documents on the phone and there are some features that a phone can`t perform.
together with the begging of online classes gadgets like laptops and phone`s prices begin to rise like any other essential things we need, with this it becomes harder for both the student and the parent that will provide the equipment.
This is the part that many people overlook about this kind of online learning. Many students organization raise their voice so many people can hear it but just close their minds and stand in there now idea that "*Pag gusto may paraan, pag-ayaw may dahilan"* meaning if you want something there is something you can do for it and if you don`t want it you will just state a thousand reasons in order to not do it. Yes, sometimes this statement is true, but not all the time. In this kind of online class, if you don't have a reliable internet connection you will be left behind If your data connection runs out you will be left behind, if you don`t have a piece of good equipment you will be left behind. If you don`t have your own room in your house where you can work and study well, you will be left behind.
House and school settings are very different, in the house you have chores to do at the same time you are studying, and once you did not do it, your parents will scold you. While school settings are different, it is up to the student if they want to study properly, if they don`t want it`s their own loss.
It is sad but true, today education is different. If you are less fortunate, you will be left behind. Some say it is better to stop for a while and let the pandemic end, there are two reasons for it, some can afford it just like me, and some are having a hard time studying in this kind of setup. There are different listeners and some of them prefer to see and feel the actual lecture hall and some are just better to read alone using the instructor as a guide, this difference will be seen now. But there are some that are comfortable in this kind of setup. Those students that are good alone, and those students that can learn with minimal supervision.
It is hard for many to adopt and chase the fast change that is happening, we all try to chase it but there are some that can`t keep up. And we all know that, so let us be more considerate and patient to one another especially to students, teachers and of course to the health worker that is always in the front line trying their best to keep us safe.
There are many people who die due to this pandemic and still many people are not following the guidelines that are implemented. There are some people that still think that this pandemic is a way of the government to manipulate the people, and many other reasons not to follow guidelines and believe that the virus is real. It is kind of sad that many people choose to believe in politicians and celebrities more than real scientists and doctors. People pay more attention to nonsense topics than to read and know more about covid.
Let's always do our part to end this pandemic immediately so we can go back to normal again, this affects many lives in bad ways, so let us make an effort together to make it end.
Note:
All images are from Unsplash.
When I was a Little Boy
September 26, 2021
We humans, since the day we are born people around us, are figuring out our purpose the same way that other people did to them. And as the days pass and we become older that idea intensifies and they will start to ask many questions. Sometimes people in our environment want to control us on how we will see the world or what to feel about it. They will feed us ideas, change our cloth, our hair, and will observe if they get the result they wanted. As we all know we it affects many children both emotionally and physically.
The First Step: The Plan
Sometimes it affects many of us in an irreversible manner and sometimes we adopted it and think that is the way we want to see or feel. But there are some that go against the flow and seek their path or their own way to live, and people call that rebel?
Those people affected by it will be having a hard time picking and choose on what is their priority. They think about the seed that the people planted o his or her mind and the dream that he or she really wanted. The first time we think about it will be hard because it is new to us, we can be overwhelmed with all the thoughts that we want to think and what they wanted us to think. It will be hard to pick what is your true priority your goal or the other`s goal.
If you are not in this position, it will be easy for you to choose what will be your priority. You will say to choose the goal that you want right? But when you are in that position it will never be easy especially when you are not a full adult yet and when you rely on everything you need for them.
Am I Alone?
This will be worse as we go further and deep into our minds, now we are not alone thinking. Those voices in our head will start to talk and will try to consume us, they will tell us old stories that will affect how we think and how we will decide. And this will be exhausting, there will be a point that you will break down because of the pressure that you are putting on your shoulders. There will be the time that your true dream or goal will be awakened and you will think that it is the best time to choose. Until you find yourself staring in the abyss and when you realized it, tears will eventually pour out from your eyes.
The Next Step: Conversation
The next chapter will be even harder, obviously, you choose to follow your own dream or goal and you will tell it to your parent or whoever you think is in charge of your life. And many parents will not like it because they are working on it since the day you are born and there are some that will understand it and it is good, everyone likes that.
Let's focus on those people that don`t understand, again they will try to manipulate you, and again you will be manipulated, same old story right? after a few days or weeks you will realize that you are being manipulated again. Then you will try to talk to them again, and this time it will be intense.
Of course, they will disagree and you will talk back, and they will bring back all the things they did for you and you know where we are going. You will try to fight for what you believe in and they will do the same, they will fight for what they believe is the best for you, and they will say it in your face. On that conversation, one of you will snap and everyone will be silenced by it.
The only Ending that the Main Character is Alone
Now you are alone, all the odds are against you. But now you feel free, why? Because you said what you want to say that you hold in your chest for too long. You will feel alone but you will be free and will start your own journey from the ground going to the sky.
Sad to say, this is the journey of many children, this is how they suffer. See, many parents see their child as an investment or livestock that will be harvested in the future. Be a doctor they said, even you are not that smart, and then they will say, when you become a doctor you will bring me to a different country and live there and the worst part is that they don`t even ask if you want to be live in other country or travel a certain part of the world. Some will say If you graduate, you are the one that will pay for your cousins' school tuitions and many more nonsense and responsibilities that they will put on your shoulders.
This is what really happening in the back of some smiles that you are seeing, the constant pressure, regrets, and sometimes anger that they hold to maintain the illusion of peace in his or her environment, thinking that always saying yes will make it easier.
***When I was a little boy I want to be an astronaut, exploring new planets and watching everything from the moon, but they said I will be a lawyer. When I grow up I think being an astronaut is too wild for me, so I want to be an artist, the idea of creation always fascinated me... they still said I will be a lawyer... I think it is time for me to answer...***
***How can I be a good lawyer if I can`t defend my own dream?***
All Images are from Unsplash
Recent articles of mine
https://read.cash/@MWSA/what-do-we-have-now-e7915823
https://read.cash/@MWSA/yesterday-waterfalls-6b5dc268
Yesterday, Waterfalls
September 25, 2021
Waterfalls
Days before the fall will be as hard as the exact day that you will fall. Days before, here you will find and know things that are new to you, things will break your heart, and at the same time will build a new foundation and strength for you.
Days before you fall, many people that you call a friend will be somehow so distant when they feel something is about to change. Those smiling faces every morning will be replaced by anger and hate by the time you are about to fall. I don`t know why people do this when you are at the time when you need them most. Is it because they are afraid to lose their name? To lose their reputation? Or to lose some time? I still don`t know why but the only thing that I know is those people that left you in the time of need are meant to be forgotten for the rest of our life.
On the day of the fall, mixed emotions will burst and you have no choice but to take it, sometimes we have a choice but sometimes we don`t have it. We will fight the mighty currents if we want to go back and sometimes it is worth trying, but there is a good thing about falling.
I make a poem about how we struggle to fight in our life, those moments so tough can be so overwhelming, but step by step and with the right knowledge we can make it through.
This poem is called *"In the Rocks and Shallow Waters"*
*Sailing this river for a long time.*
*Some storm clouds bother thee,*
*rock and shallow waters on my track.*
*Never look back for me.*
*There`s one thing she said, I never forget*
*When rivers bifurcates,*
*It`s up to you if you want to rest.*
*Or continue sailing.*
*As I gently row my boat downstream*
*I see people quitting, and*
*struggling with powerful currents*
*I can`t help, so I just look at them struggle*
*At the end of the river, I see*
*the finals test, waterfalls*
*so powerful it can destroy boats.*
*For now, I turn back*
*As I go back I fight with mighty currents*
*Struggle with rocks again*
*I feel like quitting, so I just let go*
*I face the test again and fall with it*
*My boat was destroyed, but I know*
*I can rebuild again, gathering every piece*
*I sail again, I continue my journey*
*The waterfall is not the end, I presume...*
As I said there are good things about falling, whether alone or with someone. If you fall you will know who are the true people to you, those people that will fall with you and at the same time rise with you, you will know the difference between a true friend and a back bitter.
When you fall, you can always get up and continue, pick up the pieces and build a new empire out of it. It will not be easy but it is still possible. Don`t lose hope when you fall just remember it is part of life and you can and will find a way to make out of this. It is okay to rest a while and think of a new plan and approach, and once you are ready, it is time to continue again, from the ground up.
The Final Way
This time we are facing the end of the river and we are facing the ocean. here we are a different person, so powerful that we are ready for what is coming next. Here we are recovered from the fall and we are well equipped when it is about to happen again. Still we don`t have any idea on what will happen next but we are ready about it, with all of our knowledge acquired. In this time we have our new companion and those who never left us before and after we fall.
The End?
The happy ending only happens in fairy tales, but we can make it happen in real life. before the end, we can still make a big difference in order for us to end it in a good way. We can say sorry to those people we hurt, we can talk to people one last time before we depart, and many more, it is up to you how you want it to end.
But there are ending that are instant, with no warning or clues. That is fine, your memory will live on forever and will affect our lives for the rest of it, your lesson will be remembered and will be passed in the next generation.
***The end? Make it the way you wanted it...***
This is a continuation of yesterday post, I advice you read it first to know more about the topic.
https://read.cash/@MWSA/what-do-we-have-now-e7915823
All Images are from Unsplash
What do We have Now?
September 24, 2021
Our life is like water in a river that always goes a forward flow that will end in the ocean. But before the water from the river reaches its destination it faces many kinds of challenges, rocks, deep and shallow parts of the river, and many more. But as we see the water in the river become stagnant it is because of the blockage, it is stock in the deep part, and when the current is too weak. See the resemblance between the river and our life?
The Beginning
Let us start the journey of the water in the river or this case our life. In the beginning, let say we are guided of our parent and we are in the same river and the same flow. We are guided in the flow together by the water and as the flow continues many things will happen and we don`t know that yet in this part of our journey or life. At this moment we are so busy looking the good part of life, the part where only good thing happens, full of rainbows, trees and endless flower fields where we can be free. Full of happiness while we and our parent is building ourself in the next step of life.
But there are some that in the beginning don`t have that kind of companion, some have that companion but don`t feel like it. In that two scenarios, many things are different and they will never be the same. Those people in their shoes will always wish the opposite things. But as our lives progress it will not matter anymore, what matters is how we fight and not give up until we reach our one last breath.
The Separation
Now for the second part of life, we need to be separated, I think it is a must in life. In our journey time will come that the river will sometimes bifurcate and because of that many of our companions will be separated from us.
This is one of the hardest parts of our journey, seeing people come and go and seeing how their smiles fade. At this moment we will have a hard time adapting to these massive changes. For now, we need to stand on our feet and make our path, and our own story. For most of us, this part will be easy, as their parent train them that way. They will have more advantages than others.
And for those lucky ones that did not pass to this path, they have their own way later in their life. This is not always a good thing because they will not experience some of life's most challenging parts that make most of the people strong. In some parts of life, we can use the ability to know how to live on our own.
Our path
The separation is done and it is time to make our own story. At this moment some already know where they are headed or know what they want, and some are troubled to know where did they want to go.
I think the major of people feel the same way, that there is no sense of direction in a certain part of our life. We feel like robots waking up in the morning, working then sleeping again at night. We feel that there is more to life than to end the day and rest and wait for the same thing tomorrow. But in time we will figure out how it works, right? In time we will be awakened and realize how much life we wasted doing things we don`t want to do. With that awakening, we will pursue things that we want, that things that make us happy. We will chase all our might and strength to make it happen.
***"I hope we all find our awakening soon..."***
At the Top
Here we will feel that all is playing according to plan, we feel that we are so powerful and we can conquer the world with our hands. This is the part that our way of life changes depending on what is happening, what environment is around us, and what do we really desire.
But some people don`t reach this far, some lose hope, some don`t have the capability, and some fall early. But there are many that are taking their time in life, those who choose to savor every moment and stay in that time a little bit longer. And there are some fast that they don`t feel and see the importance of every moment in our lives and at the end of the day when they look back, they will just see his/her own footprint alone in the ground.
***"Please don't lose hope... we are all waiting at the end"***
All Images are from Unsplash
I will continue this tomorrow, I don`t have enough left for today, I hope you understand my wonderful readers.
Sold your Tomorrow for the Past?
September 23, 2021
Tomorrow is one of the most mysterious, fun, scary, and every emotion you can think of in one word. Some of us are afraid of getting afraid as we grow old and weary, some are excited and thrilled about what tomorrow might bring. And there are some people that are so fed up with all the nonsense happening around us, and the result is they believe that there s nothing in tomorrow. I think this kind of emotion is normal, it is really scary to think about what will happen next, but at the same time, it is fun and thrilling.
But in reality, many of us are sick for tomorrow, we are as I said, so fed up with all the nonsense. With this happening, we tend to like what we have now, what we have in the present. We humans, when we feel secured and cared for we tend to stay in that position or place. Tomorrow is equal to change, and when we fully embrace it, it will never end until the day we die. And we don`t want or are not ready for change, we try to do anything we can do to stay in our comfort, to make our life more and more easy and calm. And it is okay, as I said in my previous article titled " My Own definition of change ", their many kinds of people, those people that embrace the change, people that are chasing the change, and people that don`t want change, and those people that want to change but slowly or not this time.
Every people have their own definition of change, and it will be good or bad depending on what kind of eye is looking. Sometimes it is good for me but bad for you and vice versa. When we talk about change or tomorrow there will always be two sides and what if. The deeper we think about the more it will be hard as the side will branch into more sides until you will be lost and there is no way back, the only thing you can do is to stay in that position, gather every thought and with that place, you must start again or stay there because you become afraid to fail again.
As I said, there`s no way back, why? Because in the process of you wanting change, there are many parts of your life that are damaged or affected. With that damage you created no matter how big or small it is, you can`t just come back and act like nothing happens right? You have to do something about it and when you succeed to find a solution, it will never be the same, it is not late but it will never be the same.
**And to the main part of my thought, What will we do when we can sell our tomorrow in order to taste yesterday. To see again those green fields that you run while you are young, to re-live that very special moment of yours, to see again those people that die, to say sorry for those people that you hurt and fixing those regrets. Turning back time will be one of the most amazing things and chaotic at the same time.**
What will you do when you can re-live your past in exchange for your tomorrow? Will you accept it? Can you handle all the emotion you will feel when you are there, in the very moment that changes your life in the past? Can you hold your tears if you see your live ones walking and talking to you again? Or you can stand the pain to see them die again? Do you have the strength to survive those many years again? **What is your answer?**
People will have different answers and perspectives about this topic, and we know that it will never happen, there is no such thing as back to the past right? but what if there is a way? Would you accept it? For me, it is a mixture of yes and no, or excitement and fear. There are many things in my life I don`t want to see again, but there are also moment in my memory that I want to relieve again and savor it for a longer time.
*But as we know life moves forwards like the river going to the ocean, we all have one way to use it, yes it can bifurcate but it is just forward. we can move backward a little bit to see how we improve for the past year or to see where is the part that we did wrong, but we can`t live in that past and deny the tomorrow that will surely come*
My previous article: https://read.cash/@MWSA/my-own-definition-of-change-0ab1a878
All image are from Unsplash
I Think It`s Done
September 22, 2021, today is the day that I am declared negative to covid-19 and it feels great. I`m very thankful that my suffering and long-term quarantine are done. I`m thankful that I`m alive and my family who is the one that is first infected is fully recovered too. I feel so blessed that the infection that I suffer and the post-effect of covid are not too severe, my body manage to adapt to it pretty quickly.
During my quarantine, I see the people that Are close to me that are willing to help me in my tough time, although some of my friends vanish when I need them the most there are few that remain. Those that remain helo me to pass that powerful storm, offer to bring me food to be left outside my door so we can practice social distancing, My friends also bring food for my dog and especially the neighbor that buys me some medicine and fruits and helps me pay the bill when I can`t go outside.
And the Barangay officials that help me, at the beginning of my quarantine last month, immediately contact me and ask if I need anything. With that coordination, they bring me medicine that without them, I will not know that I will need it. They give me a free slot to swab test for covid and even fetch me in the morning with an ambulance to bring me to the health center.
I know, I am lucky with the people and even with the barangay officials, but there are people under quarantine that don`t have enough support from the Barangay or even with their family members or friends. So when they are infected and the fever goes away they continue to go outside because they don`t have any choice. That action will result in breaking the quarantine protocol because like I said, they don`t have a choice.
Breaking the quarantine protocol will result in many negative effects to the community and to yourself like you will increase the chance to infect others and they have the possibility to die, you will risk your self to possible reinfection and it more dangerous than the first. So if you have someone that is under quarantine or showing any symptoms of covid please coordinate with them through chat and ask them if they were alright and what they need even for a day.
During quarantine, there are many problems people can undergo, like emotional and physical problems. When in quarantine there is no one to talk to and no one to play with, and it is hard especially for those people that are always with someone. So when you have a friend or a family member under quarantine, ask them what they need to what they want, that will simply light their mood and make their day, simple as that.
And to those people that are showing some signs of covid, please coordinate to those people in charge or to those people that know what to do in that kind of circumstances. Talk to a nurse if you know someone, talk to officials and tell them the situation and the problem so they can help you fix things properly and urgently. And please if you're feeling the symptoms of covid, please stay at home rest and take care of yourself. Staying at home will save yourself and save other's life including innocent people and especially people in the front line, like nurses and doctors, janitors, and even delivery people. Please stay at home and rest, find something to do. Clean your house, play with your pet if you have one, discover new skills, and even read a book to past time. Don`t risk your life and others' life for just a moment outside, after this pandemic we can go outside for how long we want, we can do all the gathering that we want, just let this pandemic end. We can achieve that by everyone's joint effort.
With this hard time, I appreciate everything I have, I appreciate all my friends that never left me in the middle of one of the biggest fights in my life. I feel so great and relieved to be announce negative to covid-19 and I am thankful to everyone that helped me. And to everyone keep safe and have a wonderful life ahead of you.
All image are from Unsplash
What Define a Great Day
September 21, 2021
What a great day for me, and I hope for you too. I`m still in quarantine but it`s fine for me, I have everything that I needed here inside my humble house. Cooking and cleaning on my own, no unnecessary noise and whatsoever. Honest, I like hear being alone minding my own business all the time, sometimes I missed some of my friends and family but when I do something different I immediately forget about it.
Living alone thought me many things about life and even about myself. I am living alone for more than a year and I`m happy about it. It shows me many sides of my life, both the happy and dark. I think we all feel it, when we are alone in the silence we tend to be more connected to our self and it feels magical. Our Minds open and we can think so deep that sometimes we are lost but sometimes we just think so shallow and we find our self staring in the emptiness. It has both its good and bad sides.
In the morning after I fixed my bed, I immediately check my computer for any messages from messenger and email, and I check the news to see what is happening in our country. Reading news is one of the most stressful and sad things to do, especially the news from our country. News publishers always tackle information about politics, corruption, poverty, and sometimes news about covid updates. But I think it is not the journalist's fault, right? They only write what they are seeing in a situation, except those journalists that are paid to write false facts and nonsense. As I said, they write what they see, so every day as I read the news it is always about bad things, meaning journalists always see that kind of thing every day. And it is sad since I was a little boy news never change, it is always the killings, corruption, someone is missing, and even terrorist attacks. When will it stop?
In the afternoon, again I cook for my lunch and do the dishes after eat and it is time to practice guitar. Today I decided to practice some exercises that I found on the internet, this exercise focuses to make your playing a little bit fast and clean. I practiced for 5 or 6 hours and I think I learn many techniques from that lessons. Playing guitar is like any other thing we do in life, the more we think about, put more time and effort into it, the more we get better and better every time we practice.
At night by the time I finish practicing I just rest and take a moment to relax, Write here on read cash and let the word keep pouring in. I`m trying to write every day here, this is my promise to myself and I think I doing a great job. I`m always on the move to find new and interesting topics. But as the days go by and thousand-word written it is a bit exhausting. I'm amazed at those people that write here consistently, I can only know their secrets. But I`m trying to make it every day and I hope you are trying your best too.
Lets Start
**September 20, 2021**
I woke late today because I sleep late last night. I`m so excited about my new setup and my new guitar. As soon as I get up, I open my computer and set up all the things that I need. I have a class at 11:00 am and I finished all the school activities. After that, I cooked my meal and eat.
After all that I set up my guitar and practice for almost 7 hours, I`m amazed for myself that I lasted that long. Playing guitar is one of the most fun things I can do especially because I can`t go outside and I`m still under quarantine.
When I`m playing the guitar that my cousin and girlfriend gave me, I feel very motivated to get better and better every day, I`m always playing it like it is my last. I started playing at 12:oo in the afternoon and finished at 7:00 in the evening, I just stop when I need to eat and go to the comfort room. I feel so fulfilled with the outcome of my practice today and I'm so happy how my cousin and girlfriend gifted me a guitar.
At night, after I`m done cleaning I seat and make a coffee, I think it`s time to think about some thought that is floating in my head the whole day. Every day at the time I wake up there is something in my head that I can`t explain, I don`t if is an idea or what but it is always there. Sometimes I will have a break in everything and just think about it and sometimes I will choose to ignore it but the next day it is still there.
So every day I will have a time off and think about to calm my mind. Here it is...
We all have something that we really want to do, like things that will keep us awake at night even we are tired, this that always circling around our head and it never goes away. And even we are not thinking about it feels like the world is trying to tell us something by putting up clues, and we will think that it is just a coincidence, but what if it is not? What if that thing that you wanted to always do is the one that will change your life forever?
Some of us humans are always scared to risk something for the next step of our life. Even I am stuck at this point in my life. We are so scared to commit and we just let the opportunity slip away in our hands.
I know this because I am suffering from this for a long time. I am too scared to go out of my comfort zone, I have many alibis so I can`t move to form my place of comfort. Like for example, If I need something or want something and I have no money and I think the answer is to find a job and work, but I`m too afraid. After that, I will think about all the alibis that I can think of so I will not move away from comfort.
That is the bad thing about us humans, sometimes we choose to stay in our little cave rather than grab an opportunity that has a chance to change our whole life. It is repeating every time and we are doing nothing about it until we are on the edge and we have to make a decision.
And when that day comes we will have a hard time both physically and mentally. I don`t have the solutions to this problem, because like many of us I`m still suffering from it, even I move a little every day. The true solution is in our self and we don`t have plenty of time left to find it.
Now with all these words out of my mind, I am calm now and have time to rest. I think I`ll end my night playing guitar and watching youtube videos.
All image are from Unsplash
The Life Changer
September 18, 2021
This day is one of the days that I will never forget in my life, the day that I think will change my month, my year, or even my life. This August and September are not good for me, first infected by covid, broken monitor, quarantine, and everything in between. In short, I am having bad days lately and I`m getting sick of it, to the point that I said to myself that I don`t care what will happen next and I lost hope for me to see good days. As these kinds of days continue I lose hope and it gets dark and dark as the days go by, I feel like there`s nothing to make this okay or light again.
I don`t if it`s just me or what, but did you experienced it too? Every time that something good happens or something arrived and it makes me happy, it will be followed by something bad and terrible. Like when I buy my first ever computer, I am so happy about it and I used it every day and then weeks later the monitor broke and it takes almost a week to be replaced. And another example is when I get my first bike, I am so happy that I can go far and travel to mountains and different locations around Cavite (a province in Philippines), but a week or month later it started to act crazy. I replaced every part that is broken but it just breaks every time so I just stop cycling.
As I said it happens every time and I just lost care of what will happen next in my life. At first, when It happens I will curse a lot and my week or month will never be the same. I will feel so down and will lose interest in everything I am doing at that time. When it always happens it gets tiring and everything that you see will be negative all the time, and it is scary. Sometimes I`m at the point of emptiness, there`s nothing that surprises me, I am not laughing at anything and when I laugh, I will be surprised and get anxious about what will happen next. Many years I am like this, always anticipating what can happen next, or when will the heavens will struck me again.
Because it happen often almost 2 times a month, I just change how I look it. I did not curse when my Monitor broke I just take a deep breath and say " it`s just life". It`s kind of working for me, I just think that I`m still lucky and I just look at other things that I have. Sometimes I will say to myself that I am not only the one suffering moments like this, I know that many people suffer from this kind of situation and I hope it will just pass through.
In the beginning, I said that this day is different and it is a life-changer, let me tell the story from the start. On the night of September 17, 2021, I and my cousin chatting about how my dream come to waste and I just let it go and find another thing to do, and then he send a picture about bands and instrument. I watched it, and when I`m done I said that it feels like my dreams have been awakened by the video and I start being sad, but I did not tell him. On that same night, he asked me what kind of guitar I want if I will one, and I said the things that I love in a guitar, like the color, style, and even the materials it is made of, and he said okay. Once I am finished stating the things that I like in a guitar he just said that we have the same taste when it comes to a guitar.
That night I have no idea what will happen today. Early in the morning, he calls and we talk about the same thing we are talking about, like bands, guitar equipment, and our dream. He sent me a link for different software I can use when I have a guitar, and still I have no idea what will happen.
later that day he calls again and said that he send me a box of cookies and I should go outside because the rider is near. I went outside and wait for the cookies, and then the rider come and ask for my name. And he handed me a box and a note, the note said that I should start practicing and I must enjoy the gift from him and from my girlfriend.
I immediately call him and said what is happening and what is in the box and I even called my girlfriend and ask what is happening. And then a second delivery mand arrived, he ask what my name is and handed me a box shaped like a guitar. I was confused so I just called him and he said that I should keep my money because my health is not yet stable because of covid and him and my girlfriend bought me a guitar and a sound interface.
I`m in shock, I never receive a gift like this in my life, I did not show much emotion while we are on a call but as soon as the phone hangs up, I started crying. I said to myself that this day will never be forgotten and it will be a start of a new journey, a new part of my life that is yet to be written by me.
I`m so thankful for this gift since little I am dreaming to be an artist playing my music in front of many people, the kind of artist that will inspire other people to do good, to not give up and lose hope, a kind of artist that will change the world for good.
@MWSA
