"Josh..."
"No"
"Josh!"
"No..."
"Josh"
"Nessa! Stop following me"
Yes, that's her name. My long time stalker... I mean admirer. I don't think she's suit with the word secret admirer coz she's too obvious expressing her attachment towards me. I can't deny that I'm really handsome but besides that I don't know why she's so obsessed with me and I find it annoying.
"Pssstt... Who are you looking at there "
"Why are you here? don't make noise" I said while covering her annoying mouth
"Omg Josh! You're a stalker?"I don't know if anyone heard us but I was shocked so I pulled her away. I looked at her from head to toe.
"So what do you call yourself?"
"I'm not a stalker okay, I'm just rest assuring that no girl would surround you"This woman had a point in what she said. I could not speak and quickly ran to get away from Nessa.
I love someone else that time and I am very disgusted with the presence of my admirer. She herself makes way for us to get closer, she herself will convince our classmates to look after us both, In the eyes of others we're cute couple in the whole campus. I don't even like her, she's so annoying and desperate.
"You mean Clarissa from the other section?" Nessa asked.
"Yes, she's the girl I wanted to be with so stop chasing me coz you're not my type" I thought she would be sad at what I said but she smiled
"Do you want me to help you?"
"You will? Why aren't you mad?"
"If that would make you happy then why not! You will see tomorrow I'll make friend with her" she boasted.
She didn't just eat her words because the next day I saw Clarissa happy. Nessa was next to her and they were obviously close. Nessa didn't even forget our talk because she introduced me to the woman I had longed for. Let's just say they are pretty good but unlike Nessa, Clarissa is very different. I found her really kind and thoughtful, quiet but there is something to do with brains. Yes, I liked her first because she participated in various competitions, see? Beauty and brain while Nessa... Beauty and mouth.
"You know what Clarissa has lots of suitors?"
"I see, but thank you very much for introducing me to her. Very much appreciated"
"No problem, but always remember that if she'll hurt you I'm stilp here" she said.
I also have a conscience, I know that even if Nessa is very funny she's hurt too. I allowed her to be my friend but until then. I didn't want to remind her but still hope so I can do nothing. I continued courting Clarissa even though we're many. I feel that I still have hope. Clarissa and Nessa are even more close so sometimes I intercede with them, of course besides my friend Nessa, it is also planned to bring me closer to the person I love.
"Don't forget me when you guys are already couple okay?" Nessa's reminder, which I didn't think so. This woman was so close to me and I admit that I'm hurting her.
"I know you can find a man that you deserved" that's all I said even though this is just some way of rejecting someone's feelings.
"You mean another you?"
" By the way, What do you like about me?"I asked
Maybe for the time that Nessa and I became friends I discovered a lot of things about her, also we're now very comfortable to each other unlike before. I know I wrong by judging her personality and I regretted it.
"Uhmmm wait let me think... I think everything about you"
"Everything? are you serious Nessa? look at me carefully" I said, we used to look straight before but now it seemed awkward at that point so she avoid to look.
The time came when I thought Clarissa would answer me. I was so happy that day that I told Nessa right away. But the smile on my lips disappeared when I heard the rumor that Clarissa had a lover, that she literally left me hanging. I was like a kid crying back then, so sick because she just seemed to be turning away. I also found out that Nessa had known this for a long time and was just looking for the right time to tell me.
"Why didn't you say it right away? I look like a fool Ness"
"Sorry Josh, I'm afraid to hurt you"
"But I'm hurt already" I just keep crying
"Why you can't choose... I'm so willing to be with you... Please"
"What is it?! I don't want you anymore! why are you so desperate?!!"she finally burst into tears but she still struggled to smile.
I know what I was wrong, coz I can see she's hurt. She even said goodbye to me before leaving but in my mind I believe she will forget what I said too. That's how Nessa got used to me that whatever I rejected her back then she would still be back. After all, next time will be better for I know she'll still linger around me. I was so used to her but until next morning I never saw her again and I was so worried.
I heard that Nedda was in the hospital and my heart was broken when I heard that her cancer was already reach stage 4. I quickly went to the hospital. I saw how she was suffering from her illness, how she mentioned my name at the same time as shedding her tears. I also saw Clarissa visited her, it's true that they became real friends because they were so sad. I don't know but Clarissa seems to be more hurt by my review of what I felt now with Nessa I'm almost crazy hoping she will be healed.
(2 years later...)
"Coffee?" said my girlfriend and she serve the coffee in the table
"Thank you Ness"I said it and we both smiled
"I'm Clarissa... not Nessa" gradually lost the smile on her lips
"So-sorry Babe..." She came up to me and held my hands. Again I lifted my face to her. I saw the endurance of her eyes
"We already reached one year of this relationship then you still didn't forget her, You are too desperate to get me before... but why would you hurt me like this?"
"What are you saying Clarissa?"I asked and her tears fell apart.
"She's gone Josh! Nessa is gone!..Just please move on"I was surprised at what she said but I knew for myself that I couldn't really forget Nessa.
"Why Josh? Why do you hurt people who just want to love you? "My tears were still pouring down as she said it
"I'm really sorry Clarissa, Nessa is the- "I can't keep saying, I know I'll hurt her again but I want to be honest with her. After I lost Nessa I have convinced myself that I love her. I was so blinded by my love to Clarissa before that I didn't see her. She simply entered my heart that she had formed before but she was gone. I couldn't accept that she's gone. Nessa is gone
"Nessa loves you so much... She even begged me to answer you even though I knew she was hurting, she also begged me to take care of you..."I didn't realize and I was surprised by what Clarissa said.
I want to talk to Nessa and say: You're annoying why do you have to do this? I don't need the care of others ,you are the only one I need. But that just stays in my mind. The pain to think that Clarissa was crying now in front of me that I had done to Nessa and that I could do nothing just to make my mouth flutter.
"..Yes I love you Josh! but... I'm tired... I'm not Nessa and I'm tired of loving you"
I was left with only one derivation. Clarissa and I took a break because she didn't deserve me and she never was happy with me so I let her go. I no longer love again and continue to visit Nessa's tomb
"Just a little more time, I'll be with you again Ness"
End.
