Baby

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.”

“It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”

“The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.”

“When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.”

“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”

“Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.”

“If you must make a noise, make it quietly.

“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.”

“Man has his will, but woman has her way.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.”

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.”