Gallery Showroom
A picture speaks of a thousand words.
I like taking photographs. May it be nature, people, infrastructure, cultures and all the wonders there is in this world, it's a pleasure to take some magnificent shots to look back when scrolling in my gallery. @itsmeCguro tagged me for this ongoing prompt challenge and it took me a day to finally decide for my photos, I have a lot in here and it's quite confusing on what fits best. 🤭 So here it goes.
Oldest Photo on your Phone
This was taken in the year 2014 when I was assigned in a far away place, kidding. I was just a 5 month old employee in the mall when they decided to transfer me temporarily in the Digos branch. I have a lot of fun in there, as you can see in the photo, a big smile for someone who's hugging me in my back. She's a young colleague taller than me. 🤭 We're three ladies who were transferred that time.
Latest Photo on your Gallery
Recently, I like to capture my hand in anything sparkly. Lol. Like these rays of the reflecting sunlight from the mirror across the building. I named this photo "Vuelvo Enseguida".
A photo you have no idea what it is about.
When I went for a vacation in boracay, I just clicked everything in my camera that gets my attention, but for this photo, don't know why I have that. 🤦♀️ Maybe a souvenir that almost all of the beach goers there were wearing two piece. I'm a bit conservative. Ehem! 😅
An Embarrassing Photo
When pandemic doesn't exist, we normally have a Friday blitz in one of our stores. It tackles about the brands weekly performances and I don't know why I'm always at that meeting. Meetings really bore me, so I just settle in a corner and sleep. Unluckily, my supervisor caught me in action and took a snap, sent it to my messenger and made fun of me. Don't worry, we're tight so I didn't get any punishment for that. Haha. Just a little bit of teasing. 😂
The Worst Photo
I cannot find any worst photo but let me tell a story about this one. When I went to a friend's province, I'm really fascinated by those cute little piglets that I really reached out for them. But after that photo, I ran for my life as they chased the life out of me for touching them. The trauma I got for that. 🤣
A Selfie/Groufie
Stickers in Instagram fascinates me so whenever I feel like taking a selfie, I always include them. I'm a bit irritated there but my colleague really wanted me to try that one out so it turned out that way. ☺️
The Best Photo
This would be my best photo for I genuinely felt happy in there. After the mass I attended, me and my friend Tere, just stayed for a couple of minutes to wander in the area. Talking to Him would always be my greatest refugee. I have some big problems that time so I rarely smile in camera and in person.
A Photo of Food you Want to Eat Again
This chocolate shake topped with red velvet cake is my always comfort food. I miss eating this as Cheat time Bakehouse is still not fully operational. I always prepare some meds for my acid reflux will occur after eating. "Masarap ang bawal." ehem. 😅
A Place you have Been that you Want to Visit Again
We visited Camiguin last 2019 when my mother and her college classmates did a reunion. Me and my youngest sibling just tagged along just to have some vacation. We had some fun but not totally as the elders get tired easily. I wanna come back again there to fully tour the island.
A Photo of Someone you Admire
From almost all of the prompt articles I read in here, their mother is someone they admire and so am I. She's the reason why I stay brave and strong in this cruel world. Her smile would always be my motivation in everything I do.
Beach/Resort/Getaway Photo
Samal Island is one of our beach to go. I remember that time we went there just because I have cough and colds. And they say, the saltwater makes the colds go away. Hehe. Such expensive treatment yet after swimming the cough and colds didn't go away. 🤦♀️
Funniest Photo
It's a friend of mine, Nancy when we played in an indoor trampoline in our area. The laugh I did while recording the video in this. She literally backflipped in here.
The Most Memorable Photo
The Pilgrimage of Jesus Christ that can be seen in Alaminos Pangasinan would always be memorable to me. The hike I did just to get on top is very tiring yet very satisfying when you reach the top. I prayed hard and poured my heart out in there. Such beauty would remain in my heart forever.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
So that's my gallery showroom to you. Just a bit of it that represents me as a homo sapien. Haha.
I would like to encourage @charlsss to do this prompt also, even though she's new in read, I know she has lots of photos to show.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All image were mine.
January 19, 2022 / 22:05 PH time
Beautiful Nightmare
"How are you? Are you still holding on to me like I told you when we're swimming by the beach?
" I do but I am a bit tired now." she smiled weakly.
"But you promised you won't let go!"
"Can I take it back now? I don't wanna linger in your past anymore. I wanna be happy again. I am hurting people around me already." she said while tears slowly falling in her cheeks.
"No! You promised! You're mine and mine alone!"
"Haaah, haaah, huff. Another nightmare again." she abruptly stands up from her bed, shaking off the images of her once loved that turned into a monster.
Every single night after his death, she always dreamt of how they spent their days at the beach. At first it's all happy and lively that she chose to sleep more and be in dreamland than to be in the real world.
But as his family condemned her to be the cause of his death, she felt suffocated and guilty. She's partly blaming herself for if she didn't insisted to go for a swim, he would still be alive. Night after night of just silently weeping, afraid that her mother can hear her sobs, she would fire up her stereo in the room with Christian songs she wanted to hear. She never wanted it to happen. If only if she could forsee the future, then they wouldn't go for a swim.
Then the nightmares came. It started with just a peaceful sea that eventually turned into a whirlpool that always pull her into the bottom, drowning her and taking the life out of her, then she wakes up, sweat drenching her pajamas, body shaking with fear, tears rolling uncontrollably. She wept, and wept over and over again till the next nightmares became a natural to her that it only left her with tears streaking in her cheeks.
It went on for months she lost count. She didn't tell a soul about her suffering because it's her way to punish herself. "Never mind the pain and agony but don't tell someone on what you've been going through." She always heard that voice. The voice that tormented her and also the voice that she longed to hear. Indeed, it's a beautiful nightmare.
I bought this ring as a promise to not forget you. A promise that I can no longer keep. I'm sorry if I'll be throwing this away. I just wanted to be in the moment. I am really tired of holding on. I have already caused pain to people so dear to me. I'll always pray for your eternal rest. Thank you for letting me go.
The nightmares were already gone for a year now. But there are some nights that's slipping but I can still manage. As I've encountered countless people in noise and even here, I slowly make myself heal and grow from them. I'll always be grateful for these two platform. Heal and move on. ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies!
This is the last part of my first article Crashing Waves and will not be tackling about it anymore. Hehe. I've finally moved on with that phase of my life. Hope so. Hehe. And to someone dear to me, I had decided to really distanced myself for now, I'm not running away as you always say. It's just choosing myself first above all else. I'm sorry if I keep on hurting you with my words and actions. I think I'll focus more on self love for now. It's a way also for you to be at peace. I don't know when I'll be back. I will miss you ya. I really really like you as a person whom I can rely on. Take care.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from unsplash.
January 17, 2022 / 23:15 PH time
A Walk to Remember
Sounds like a movie right? Who else had seen that tear-jerking movie? It's one of my favorite movie of all time. If I want to be sentimental and wanting to release my pent up feelings, I usually watch sad movies to free my tears. Well, we all are hiding those sadness by masking it to be happy outside. I am releasing those when I write and putting it into words. Words, I keep reading until I'm free from it, until I am free from them.
Yesterday was quite fun and unexpected. When I clocked out from work, walking for about a 500 meter distance until the jeepney stand while there's a little bit of falling rain, I knew there's something that will happen. I like to be spontaneous sometimes, for my everyday boring routine I wanted some changes and I felt it last night.
But before that, there's a fire broke out in one of the residents living under the bridge we called Bolton.
There were hundreds of families who lost their homes yesterday. The two bridges was closed to motorists because of the damaged the fire had done. And that's the reason why last night, even though I've been standing for half an hour to get to ride a jeepney, I unluckily did not. With all the waiting passengers in line and some who were running after jeeps I did not have the courage to do that for I will lose my composure. 🤭
So after I got tired of waiting, for my patience is not that long, haha, I decided to go to the next block which is about a kilometer of walking. So the walking started.
I like sparkly things that's why I never got bored while walking because of the flashy decor lights left from the holidays in buildings.
This is the famous 'Kainan sa Roxas' in our area. As I passed by, my stomach grumbled for my last food eaten was probably lunch? I am not fond of snack breaks even though I have lots of biscuits in the drawer. So the hungriness I felt when I smelled the food in there was tormenting. Haha. So I hurried my steps.
Glad we have a bicycle lane so I'm safe from buses and jeepneys passing by. What I like the most in our city is it is very clean. I'm clearly not promoting here. Lol.
And that is a long creek in Roxas that's extending until the open sea. So if the tides high and a heavy rain accompanies, expect that it will overflow. Glad it didn't for years now.
As I've reached for the end of the block, to my surprise, there's a lot of people waiting also there. I waited for ten minutes tops, and didn't get to see any vacant jeeps. I am famished and tired so I decided to look for a burger station first because I think I'm gonna faint. 😑
My poor soul settled in Minute Burger where every burger is buy 1 take 1. Glad I saw these. Hehe. Ordered double chicken cheese and calamantea. I think I stayed there for twenty minutes, I'm a bit slow in eating.
Just when I finished eating the rain was showing to be pouring a little heavy but I still resumed walking. With my headphones on, a little bit of rain in the background, I can pass as to someone who had broke her heart. Lol. The street I'm walking is not new to me. Memories of my high school flashed in every buildings I passed. Sad and happy memories though. I remember my everyday walking because as much as I love to sleep, I love to walk also, to fancy everything I can see, to think more, to feel my feet walking in this earth.
Surprisingly the streets were empty, maybe because of the closed road. As I walked I'm also looking back if there's a route that's vacant, still I'm unlucky to spot one. The droplets of rain manages to wet my hair now. Hays, I hope my immune system would kick in to protect me. Lol.
And my cavalry ended. Haha. That's the closed road. The rain was now pouring hard and of all the blessing from the heavens there was one jeep who has a vacant. I immediately ran after it and settled myself with a sigh. As expected, there's a heavy traffic at the conjunction at the end of the block because all vehicles were directed to pass there but no worries for I am comfortable in my seat at that. I got home safely but a little bit tired.
For me it was fun for it changed my planned boring life for hours. I'd like to experience more of what the world could offer. You know, you only live once and you should get to enjoy it to the fullest, in a positive way at that. ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
I really wanted this to be published last night but I was super tired from all the walking so I postponed it to today. But I just did a movie marathon the whole day and I just got the time to write this evening. So here it is. This is not a heartbreak story okay. More on my unexpected experience. So, hope you enjoy it. Take care everyone.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All image are mine expect for the two with a Facebook taken.
January 16, 2022 / 20:00 PH time
Crashing Waves
"The waves are strong, we shouldn't go near the rocks."
" Yes we won't, and besides, your good in swimming right? I'll just trust in your expertise that we'll be safe in crossing on the other side." she smiled cheekily.
"Oh, okay just don't let go of my hand and tighten your grip on my back."
"Yes master, your wish is my command." she grins widely.
"Hold on to me tight. Don't ever let go."
Do you sometimes ask yourself if your worthy of saving? If the second life given to you is worthy of accepting when someone died instead for you?
It's a one sunny Sunday. A day-off that should be well rested from the five days of working. But she found herself traveling to the beach. Well, it's a one ride of a jeep so it's a no hassle for her. She brought a picnic basket for her lunch and a book to entertain her by the beach. "What a sunny day!" she exclaimed. "Yes, a very hot day indeed!" said a guy she didn't noticed sitting on the sand beside her picnic mat. She grew silent for she was a bit shy but the guy started a conversation she politely answered and from then on they shared thoughts about the beach, about the weather and eventually about themselves.
She visited the beach the next Sunday hoping to see the guy again and to her surprise he's waiting for her also at the same spot they met the last time. They exchanged pleasantries and made themselves comfortable in the picnic mat she brought and for the whole afternoon they talked about anything under the sun. It's like they're long lost friends that clicked in every topic they ventured.
More and more Sundays came, her mama always asks where she goes every Sunday and she would always say at the beach to unwind. "But you don't know how to swim." her mama jokingly said and she just smiled and bid her goodbye.
At that beach, she feels free and happy. Away from the family feud that's been going on for years. She just feels comforted and she knows he's also a part of it. He would offer swimming lessons to her and she would gladly accepts but in every tutorials he gave, the more her body won't cooperate, blindly sinking in the deep waters and just hold on for dear life with him. It's always the scenario every Sunday. They created that world just the two of them.
It's a one perfect Sunday for her. She woke up early, did her morning routine, doing yoga and reading the bible. Greeted her mother with a peck on the cheeks and even cooked for pancakes for their breakfast. There's something on this day that she feels excited and ecstatic. At last she sorted out her feelings for him and will say it as an answer to his confession for a long time. She's a bit dense sometimes but she's just being careful on someone she would give her trust. As usual they settled on her picnic mat and talked about their week. "Can we swim for a bit in that area?" she hopefully asked. "We can, the tides not that high and the sea is calm." he approvingly said. So they went on for a swim with his help again. They settled in some plain rocks to rest and chatted for a bit. Few hours later, "let's go, the tide is a bit deep and the waves starts to get angry" he jokingly said. "I have something to say to you too." she said happily. They swam away and the last thing she heard was a faint "I love you".
It's been two years, I always remember you like how I remember the days I spent with you. Those are my happiest moments. You are my happy pill and forever will hold a place in my heart. Thank you for being my guardian angel when I tried to drown myself. Thank you for making me realize there is more to life than with all the sadness and brokenness. But when you left, a part of me left also. I am still picking up some pieces of my life. Slowly but surely. You'll be my forever angel. I love you too. ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies!
How's life treating you? In times of the good and bad, always pray for His guidance and protection. You are never alone in this journey called life. Surrender everything to Him and He will do the rest. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All pictures were taken by yours truly.
January 14, 2022 / 23:45 PH time
Pouring Rain
Today is the city's first rainfall this 2022.
I woke up feeling cold this morning. Didn't know it rained for the whole dawn. It's been days that we only got sunshine and humidity. Well, a nice way to start the year though. The gloomy weather continued the whole day and sadly I had been caught up by drizzles of rain when I went home from work. Got soaked a bit and now while I'm writing this, my headache is still present, lingering like a baby. 🤦♀️
Do you see the fading rainbow just above the building? I've tried to capture it but the faint colors doesn't show.
There's a saying that, there's a rainbow after the storm. But I guess it's opposite in this picture as the rainbow showed before the heavy rain will fall.
I remember one incident in my life that I can say one of my heartbreaking moment that concerns about heavy rain.
"One fateful night, a family unsure on where to go. Without their mother to guide them, three little siblings and a drunk father, they seek refuge to a far relative to rest for the night. Those relatives they hoped to let them sleep just for the night refused them saying there's no more room for the four of you. But the eldest daughter sees empty rooms that they can settle to but chose to be quiet because she can understand what they mean. They urge them to go to this house that they say was for rent. A house with patched walls of bamboo and holed roof that you can see the vast skies of stars at night. The drunk father agreed because you know he can't do anything that time as he was wasted. The three siblings brought their things inside and put it all in the center and hurriedly settled in every corner to rest for the night. It was nearing midnight that's why they're exhausted.
Few hours later, drops of tiny little droplets of rain woke the eldest daughter and hurriedly went to her other siblings to wake them up also. They secured their things in the center, looked for anything to cover for the things to not get wet and didn't bother as the minutes gone by that those droplets turned into heavy rain that pierced on their young skin. They didn't bother to cover their bodies because they're busy putting sacks in the walls for the rain to not drenched the things inside. The eldest silently wept for their situation, as she looked at her drunk father sleeping soundly in the corner, not minding if he's drenched with rain, she understood at that moment they're on their own. She tried hard to not show her tears with her other siblings but she also saw gleam of tears from them. And together with the sound of thunder, flashes of lightning and the heavy downpour of rain, their sobs and tears didn't showed. They smiled with each other and the eldest shouted, this is just for tonight, it will not rain forever, this too shall pass. "
Did you know that a person who loves the rain is called pluviophile? Since then, I'm always comforted by the rain. I am happy if I see gloomy clouds meaning a possible rain would come. I'm happy such weather who everyone despises makes me overjoyed when it comes. I didn't know life so much at that incident for I am quite young, but one thing is for sure, God made me realize that there will always be beauty in every bad situation you're into. Smile! Everything will soon pass. 😊
Post Note
Hey there lovies!
How are you today? I haven't written yesterday for I am a bit unwell. I'm also unwell now but I can manage. Hehe. Hope this article finds you well.
See you in my next article! 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor
Lead image is my own click.
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
January 13, 2022 / 22:47 PH time
Missed Chance
"Good things come to those who wait and believe."
A beautiful line of words isn't it?
When I was a child, my mother used to say this to us. We're trained to do house chores at a young age for us to prepare the puberty or adulting period. Some children in the 90's, (now you know I'm one of the 90's kiddo 😉) like me for example were given task like washing the dishes, sweeping the backyard or watering the plants. My mother was very fond of plants that's why our surroundings were full of it. After finishing the assigned tasks, there will always be rewards that will be given to us. As a kid, a packet of chips or a couple of lollipops would be a delight for me as a reward. But aside from those rewards, mama would always say, do you want more good things to be received? I would gladly nod my head with a twinkle in my eyes and she would say, wait for a couple of days, if you keep up what you're doing now then there's a big surprise at the end of the week. Well how cool is that eh? Do you know what reward is that? It's my very own bicycle, without the two supporting tires 🤭. I've been asking nonstop about how I wanted it because all my friends had it and I envy them especially if they do rides near the beach. And after obeying everything my mama asked me to do and waited patiently, I finally got it. Well, that's one of my childhood memory that sure I can say, good things come if you'll wait and believe.
But growing up, I'd say these words helped me a lot. Not on any rewards that I can get but more on the reality of life. There are some parts of my life that I can say it's more on the waiting period.
Growing up, I am always present at any dance events at school or even fiestas in our community.
I'm always at the frontline for I memorized dance steps easily and executes it perfectly. I think I'm on first grade at that picture dancing a cha-cha special. Almost all of the ballroom dances were what I used to dance. My fondness in dancing continued for the whole period of my elementary days.
High school came and my dancing skills improved more with the help of my co-dancers and our choreographer at school. I feel extremely happy at that time because when I dance, I can express myself more. With every whip of my hips and stomp in my feet feeling the music in my ears, I feel freedom and pure bliss. For the three years of my high school, our dance troupe didn't get the chance to qualify in the interschool cheerleading competition and it's okay with me, maybe for my last year, we'll be able to compete. My fourth year came and suddenly the heavens answered our prayers because we qualified to compete.
All the preparations had been made, the costumes, the choreography, the dancers should be prepared before the date of competition. My only struggle at that time was money for the costume. As we don't have any sponsors that time, we must pay for our individual costumes for us to join. If you had the time to read my 2nd article titled Forgotten Hero, my last year in high school is a struggling year for me as my father already succumbed into drinking nonstop. I had plead for my mother if she can give me some money for the costume as I'm out of time to produce one. I would make the money myself if it's weeks or months prior, but it's a five day ultimatum and a thousand at that time is a very expensive money.
So you could guess the outcome on that day. I didn't get to perform with them. I still vividly see the sadness and pity my mother gave me when I cried in front of her. I waited for three years for it to happen and it went bubbles when it came.
Well, as my mama said, good things come to those who wait and believe, I waited and believed for it but it never came true. That's my first encounter of a fallen dream that even if you wait and believe, if it's not meant for you, then it will not be meant for you.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
Hope your doing fine wherever you are. I pray for safety for everyone as the surge of the virus is at large. Don't be sad for the ending for I already moved on for that and the good news is I performed my much awaited dance in my college years. 😉 See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor
Lead image is from unsplash
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
January 11, 2022 / 23:18 PH time
Forgotten Hero
When I was a child, I always looked up to my father as my hero. A hero who can protect me from every monster there is under my bed, a hero that can give me everything that I want, every candy, every doll and toys my eyes laid unto. A hero that can protect me from my enemies in school and even rivals in playgrounds. A hero that serves as my prince charming as I am his only princess. A hero simply called as my father.
As I was growing up, I still see him as my hero though limited with what he can give. I see him as a hardworking person. Entering multiple jobs, putting the family first and foremost and giving the best he can give to the family. That's what the role of fathers right? To be a great provider to the family.
But when my last year of high school came, he succumb to a vice common to fathers nowadays. He became a drunkard man. It's okay at first cause he always reason it to be his sleeping tea. At first it was okay for he just drink a glass or two for his tired body to rest fully. But neither did we know, that those a glass or two became a bottle of liquor till it became a permanent drink that he can't let go. We tried to stop him from diving deeper into that hole but he didn't wanna be saved. Until he finally succumbed to the liquor that resulted for him being an irresponsible father.
I still tried to understand him. Maybe he was just tired. Maybe he was facing so many problems and can't open it to us. Maybe he just wanted to forget how cruel this world can be. But for days, weeks, months and years he'd been doing every single day, drinking at dawn, morning, lunchtime and nighttime, my understanding heart turned into a stone. I started to rebel. I started to reason out, I started to fight back with words so hurtful to say that I know it cut deeps into his heart. I started to disrespect him. My once looked up hero seems a pathetic guy to me. The hero I loved the most since my childhood became my most hated person up until now.
He never changed. He continued to being an irresponsible father up until my college years. I had worked hard double to maintain my grades cause I'm a scholar and also a student assistant at school. I really did try my best to finished it but for my younger brothers to finish their secondary education, I must gave way and stop schooling in order for me to work. That's the most heartbreaking thing I had felt way back. The pain, agony and regret I felt for having a father who only thinks of himself. Yes! He's a selfish human being. He only wants his satisfaction. I regret I was his daughter.
And from that day on, I chose to forget he's my father. I chose to forget that there's someone I looked up from my childhood a hero so good and sturdy I felt safe for my entire life. I chose to forget.
An alarm rang in my phone earlier at 7pm reminding that it's his birthday. The tears started to well up on my eyes. The phones screen got so wet with my unending tears. My vision's blurry of the brokenness I still feel up until this day. Even when I chose to forget, I still cannot deny the fact that I am his only princess that's just waiting for him to be changed. I hope and I pray that you will go back to the hero I looked up once again. 🙂
Post Note
Hey there lovies!
It's another heartbreak I share to you. I hope you won't get upset reading my thoughts and words. I just really want to put it to writing for my heavy feelings to be lifted somehow. Hope you're all doing fine wherever you are.
See you in my next article! 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from Google
January 10, 2020 / 22:45 PH time
Virtual Feelings
Have you ever liked a person you haven't met in real life? Have you ever longed to hold those hands you see in the computer screen to satisfy your feelings? Did you get jealous for those people he/she interacts with regularly?
I experienced it recently.
And it hurts! Big time! ☺️
I am not new in this platform. In fact, this would be my second account in read. I first know noise.cash way back January 2021 and just created my read account on April 2021. But the articles that I uploaded there might be spammed so I abandoned it for the sake of just abandoning it. Well, I'm not really ready to open up myself that time that's why I cannot write well and just posted some random stuffs . I want to write based on my experiences, maybe there will be add ons on the later part of the stories but some of it will be based on my feelings.
Well, back to my virtual feelings as the title says, in noise, I have met countless people. I have made friends, acquaintances and even close friends. There's this one person that I met on the half of 2021 through the channel I joined in noise. The channel created a telegram gc for the avid subscribers and I hesitantly joined at first but yeah, I still joined for the sake of entertainment. I'm very bored at my life that time that's why. At first, getting to know with the members, casual chatting and just some random topics to talk to. Then after a month, there's a newbie who joined. At first glance of her profile picture in tg I knew instantly she's a lesbian. Well, I don't care about sexual preference for other people. It's their choice and I respect that. Its just rare for me to interact with them. I don't feel awkward, it's just that, I'm shy and a bit nervous because in reality, I ask questions that will make a person in a tight spot like very awkward questions. I'm a curios type of person so everything I encounter that is of different norm, I ask a bunch of questions for them to satisfy my curiosity.
At first, I'm putting up a snob appearance to that person, you know, always bicker in her chats and not minding her for a few days. But I'm really a snob person in reality so it's not a facade on the latter part. A month came and it's like she knew me as a snob girl next door. My account in tg is kinda private and well, I don't know what I ate that time that I dm-ed her for some whatever topic to talk to. All topics seems to be nonsense for me. I always like to dive in topics with great interest like for the nation or about covid. Lol. I always want someone I can interact sensibly. But with her some are sensible but most of'em are nonsense. But funny I always found myself smiling if I see a message from her. I don't know when this fondness for her started, but I do know, I'm eager to know about her past and present stories. I want to read something about her day if she's okay or whatnot. It's a bit confusing for me cause I know I'm straight. But I never had any relationships also before, maybe flings but not a serious relationship with a guy, so I cannot tell if I'm straight? Lol. At first, I cannot accept this feelings for I am a Christian. I know God created just a man and a woman, nothing more, nothing less. No offense meant on all lgbt community here okay and I still consider the fact that the world is evolving and I should embrace different genders in this world. So like, I'm in denial with my feelings for her.
I think, I confirmed my feelings to be special for her when she posted a my day in her facebook of a girl. Well, come to think of it, we just met in noise and I allowed myself to connect with her thru my other social media accounts, that's how we've gotten close for months. But anyways, as I saw the image of the my day, my heart broke at that instant. I have countless crush and it's not a big deal for me if they have a girlfriend already but with her, everything went on the drain. My feelings flushed like in the toilet. Lol. Just a figurative speech here.
After that, everyday feels like a torment for me. I wanted to cut ties and everything, maybe compromised my accounts in noise and tg just to get away with this horrible feeling. The jealousy is eating me everyday. We always chat everyday, I always answer her questions and ask a few to her but on every waking hour the heartbreak I feel is growing. I always wanted to run away like deleting everything in the virtual world. It's just one click and everything will be back to normal but in everytime I said my goodbyes to her, there's so many questions arising and I really want to confess but my two close friends that only knew my situation said that it's not a good idea. You know just live with the pain till you get numb and eventually you'll feel nothing for her one day. Easier said than done.
Days, weeks and months gone by I think I just felt nothing. It's back to square one. The fondness is slowly fading and I say I'm not that interested to know everything. I have so many realizations in my life that I can say I just needed someone to treat me like a baby. I've always wanted someone to care for me because all my life I've been caring the people around me. I am strong but I feel weak all the time. It's like an energizer or my Chuckie to recharge. 🤭 But everything should have a limit. I don't want to cause some stir on their relationship so I'm slowly distancing myself for a bit. It's for my own good and for the world. 🤦♀️ And besides, we're still good friends and I don't want that friendship be gone for this feeling. One day, I'll look back to this moment of my life with a smile on my face and proudly say, I can like with different people as long as the heart is kind and pure.
Post Note
Hey there lovies!
This is my first article for my newly created account. Almost all of my articles will be tackling about my heartbreaks in this world. This would be my outlet for I think I'm about to explode with so much heartbreaks now. 😅 Please bear with me and feel free to drop messages of heartbreaks too. We'll support each other with words of wisdom for that. Haha.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
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Lead image is from Google
January 9, 2022 / 23:17 PH time
@LuaDesamor
