Forgiveness
Consider that every other response will state something along the lines of "Oh, it's not for them; it's for you!" If you do not forgive them with your precious little heart, you will never find peace or be free of the anguish!" And the majority of those individuals are positively dealing with it.
What is it? You are aware. And it is not loved, nor is it Christian grace, but a combination of ignorance and selfishness along the lines of "all life is sacred, but every criminal should be slain"
The problem with this perspective is that when we consider the natures of forgiveness and unforgiveness, we frequently consider ourselves—what if we did something wrong and were not forgiven? Of course, we would be sincere in seeking pardon, some kind of acceptance, for our sincere mea culpa. However, we ignore the hurt person's feelings and the fact that the majority of villains seek forgiveness in order to continue doing what they were already doing—the abusive husband still wants
supervised rights and someone to clean up after them, the abusive parents still want to dominate their children's lives, and that jerk coworker still wants to keep his job.
The difficulty with forgiveness is that the majority of people simply want to peaceful transition. Humans are simple, simple creatures that despise drama. WE despise it so much that we will give up anything, including our happiness, to avoid having to cope with it. Mothers who have been battered have thrown their children into the fire, believing that if they allow their husbands to get away with it, things will eventually return to "normal" for a time. You're willing to put up with your dog's horrible antics because once he calms down, you'll be able to watch your shows. After two friends despise each other, the first idea that comes to mind when they reconcile is "Oh nice, now everything will be normal!" rather than determining whether anything was truly resolved.
Forgiveness is not synonymous with love—you might adore someone and still be unable to forgive them for some of their behaviors. Expecting someone you care about to at the very least attempt to make amends or modify their ways is simply establishing proper human conduct. Did you truly love your children if you forgave them for everything they did without ever requiring them to learn from their errors? How unprepared they will be if they are held accountable, and how inadequately they will be to cope with partners, children, and so forth. And, sadly, we as adults must deal with manchildren, grownups in our life who never learned to grow up or teach, and the only kind thing we can do is attempt to be a gentle teacher who teaches them to learn—which includes more than simply forgiving them when they do wrong!
Forgiveness is also something that must be extended when one is solid, healthy, and able to stand on one's own two feet. It should not be something you are compelled to give in order to receive those goods, nor should it be requested when you are unhappy or ill. If it is wrong for catholic priests to mob a dying protestant on his deathbed, and if it is wrong for a son to beg forgiveness (and thus inheritance) from his mother prior to her death, then it is also wrong to beg forgiveness from a spouse, sibling, or friend while they are still suffering—especially if they are suffering as a result of your own actions. Both adults in a good divorce ensure that the other is secure, has a place to live, and is capable of surviving on their own. Unhealthy is the spouse who blackmails the other into quitting their job and selling their old house, effectively forcing the other to start over with nothing - and then uses that as leverage to obtain forgiveness and "return home."
Find your own peace, avenge yourself by living a good life, and forgive by understanding that they do not own your life or spirit. You can smile at your phony friends, your heartless loves, and your strange family members, but only because it is as natural as smiling at random people on the street.
