Perfection_diary
“I don’t know what everyone’s first love is like, but the feeling of my first love was as white, smooth as an autumn cashew flower.
But I realized there was a time when it was almost dark all around me! Suddenly emptiness seemed to surround me!
That day was a cloudy afternoon in Shravan, the day I first realized, I ... love Sayar!
Who knows where the feeling is now when you hear the name 'Sawyer', where this feeling was hidden as a child!
Then I would get very angry whenever I heard Sayer's name. I would say to my mother, "Don't take that bad boy's name in your mouth. He comes to kill me whenever he finds me."
Mom would laugh and say, "Is it a game without a fight or Ray?"
Then he would slap her on the back and say, "Go, go to play. When is it afternoon! Now go to play and don't come home again in the evening."
I muttered anxiously, "Huh, I won't play or play. What's the point of playing with a villain named Sayer again?"
But when I went to play, I could see that I did not have the name to return home even after evening! I used to say under the pretext of not returning even after hundreds of calls from my mother, "Does the game end so soon? Please don't play any more!
My mother used to kill me and bring me home somehow. My days were spent like this then!
The Sawyers are our neighbors. We've been living together for about thirteen years, can you imagine? Even though it's Sawyers' own home.
When I was seven years old, we changed homes. I got up and moved to a new home. A new home means a new environment, new people. I thought, maybe it will take time to make friends with everyone. But I still remember seeing a doll in my hand. Pulling and throwing, he said, "Is this the age of puppetry? I'm batting, you catch it! Go back!"
I turned red when I heard that from a boy only one year older than me, of course I don't remember being ashamed or angry. I dropped the doll and put a fist on Sayer's shoulder! And from then on our quarrels and quarrels started. I don't think anyone gave up on anything! But I never imagined that I would fall in love with this saw one day!
That day was the morning of Shravan.
Sayer's father used to drive me and Sayer to school every day before going to the office. Because we used to go to the same school. But when we came back, we used to go back alone.
But even then, most of the time, I used to take a pledge from my father to take me home from school, at least for a day. Sayer's father also passed by me in the office, so why can't my father keep my word for at least one day?
But I never wanted to understand how difficult it was for a very busy person like my father to keep this whim. And I didn't realize then that this whim would be a matter of great regret in my life!
After listening to my whims, my father finally agreed, despite being very busy. I happily went to school. After the holiday, I proudly said to Sayer, "You know, today my father will come to pick me up."
He said with a crooked smile on the corner of his mouth, "That's right? Where's Uncle's time? Rather, let's go, we'll leave. It's going to rain a little."
I frowned and said, "Whatever you want, I'll wait here."
Although Sayer was annoying me that my father would not come, but why didn't he leave me alone at school and go home. For me, or he didn't want to go back alone, who knows?
While I was waiting for Sayer, it rained for a while. I didn't know what to do, so I ran and stood under the school tent. And just then Sayer's mother came in front of us with an umbrella and a sad face. She looked at me in silence for a while and said, Your mother sent me to take the two of you home. Hurry up. The rain seems to be increasing.
I looked at Sayer's mother's face and suddenly an unknown panic sat inside me. I left without asking her anything.
As soon as I entered the house, I looked around in a state of silence and panic seemed to take over my mind. I looked around and couldn't understand anything. Suddenly my mother came and hugged me and cried, "Your father is no more. Your father is no longer with us. What will happen?" What about the two of us?
My mother cried and cried, nothing seemed to enter my ears. It seemed unreal all around. How imaginary. Nothing entered my head even after my mother and father said no. Even after my mother cried and cried, my eyes did not fill with tears, a drop Not even water was falling from my eyes! Even after all the relatives were around, it seemed that there was no one anywhere. Even after having so much light and so much noise around, it seemed as if all around me was covered in darkness, emptiness, silence.
In the midst of so much emptiness, a word suddenly hit my ear, "Hey, is the girl Bhabhi's adopted daughter or not? Her father died at this young age for this girl, and there is not a drop of water in the girl's eyes ! "
Suddenly my chest throbbed.
What did the woman say? Does it mean that my father died for me? What does she mean?
I went to my mother and said hard, "Dad, how did mom die?"
My mother cried and said, in an accident! I was supposed to pick you up. I was stuck for office work. But I hurried out to pick you up and got out of the car or collided with a truck.
My mother broke down in tears. I stood still. Tarmane .. Tarmane's father went to fetch me .. Dad for me ..
I couldn't think of anything else. My legs suddenly went out of my control and started shaking. I couldn't stand. I was almost falling. At that moment, Sayer grabbed me tightly from behind and made me stand. I looked at Sayer with empty eyes. Understand and frown and say, "I didn't say, Uncle can't come to pick you up? Is this what I'm talking about?"
But to my surprise, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to their house.
Sayer took me to his house and took care of me and gave me water. He saw me crying and wiped his eyes with both hands and said, "Why are you listening to them? Why are you just blaming yourself? Uncle's accident was not for you. It was just an accident, nothing more." No one ever has a hand in an accident. That was Uncle's fate. "
I haven't had a drop of water in my eyes for so long. But these little words of Sayer made my eyes water. Because I didn't have a little bit of Sayer's words. But still .. "
Sayer hugged me tightly with both hands and said, "Shut up, shut up. And if you ever say such a contradictory thing, I will climb up and throw all the teeth on your cheek. You will not say anything at all. And never think of yourself alone. I am not here. Next to you? "
Seeing that I was not saying anything, Sawyer left me and looked at my face in surprise and said, "Why aren't you talking to Kiri?"
I bowed my head and said with a serious face, "No one has teeth on their cheeks!"
Sawyer couldn't understand my words. He looked at me in surprise for a while, then suddenly smiled and tapped me on the head and said, "I understand, only this word of yours has reached your ears, right? I will pull your ear."
He really pulled my ear and ran. And I ran to catch him in anger.
I know, if Sawyer hadn't trusted me so much that day, he wouldn't have said these words, maybe that day I would have been crushed by the pressure of society's words and chosen the path of suicide, because the wound in a man's chest can be healed by treatment, but The wound in the chest that is created by human words, there is no treatment!
I really trusted Sayer's words that day. I can't forget the mixed feeling of dependence and faith that was born to embrace him like this, that feeling, I may never be able to! And that slowly takes the form of love. Although I never let Sayer understand. If I don't always quarrel with him, I may not be able to digest the rice in my stomach! I thought our relationship will always be like this, but the situation suddenly starts to change when a girl named Trina appears in Sayer's life!
I study all night to get admission in the varsity where Sayer is admitted. The goal is the same, I will open my mind to Sayer whenever I get a chance in the same varsity. So I did not notice that Sayer suddenly reduced our visits to the house soon after I was admitted to the varsity. Almost in the afternoon he doesn't come to the roof like before. He often comes and pretends to surprise me and doesn't laugh and say, "How did I surprise you, didn't I?"
Don't come on the day before the exam and say, "Kire, yours or the exam? Give me some suggestions!"
I thought, maybe it doesn't come like that. But on the first day of varsity, when I heard what everyone said in my mouth, I didn't have the strength to stand on my feet anymore. It was as if the ground was moving from under my feet!
That day was our freshers reception.
I was shocked to see a girl named 'Trina' and Sayer dancing together in a song that day. I was really surprised by their closeness. Everyone was shouting 'Trina-Sayer' from behind. Everyone was congratulating them at the end of the dance. Surprising me, Sayer and the girl next to him named 'Trina' were answering everyone's questions with a sweet smile! Suddenly an unknown fear came to my mind. They were really two people..I thought for a moment. I'm just wondering what's going on. I'm just thinking about the relationship between two good friends who read at the same time. Why am I so negative?
But even then the thoughts were not going away from my mind. Sayar had never befriended any girl before. But when he came to varsity, he seemed to have changed completely! Everything about him seemed new to me. Is it just for the girl named Trina or is it wrong in my mind?
But the words of the two of them that day seemed to be burning in my ears.
I didn't tell Sawyer until I got to varsity that I had a chance at their varsity. I thought I'd give him a surprise. But as he walked, I was startedled again and again.
As soon as Trina left, Sayer seemed to be running around with a more busy and worried face. He was so busy that even after passing by me a few times, he could not see me even once! As if I couldn't wait any longer, I got up and stood in front of him.
Today I came after her favorite black sari. I dressed a little. I wanted to tell Sayer my thoughts today. So I stood in front of her with a sweet smile on my face and called out, "Sayer!"
But surprise! Even after standing in front of him, he didn't seem to see me! When he suddenly saw Trina, he called her and started talking to her! I went and called her again. This time he also looked back. It didn't happen, but he hurriedly said, "Have you got a chance at this varsity? Well. You watch the show, I have some work to do! Let's go!"
Sayer did not give me a chance to say anything, without looking at me well for once, took Trina's hand and left. I was stunned for a while and looked at Sayer's way. I had to wait so long for this summer to come to Sejeguje, read her favorite sari for Sayer. Do, then everything went in vain?
Suddenly, unknowingly, I started running after him.
But .. from what I saw, it seemed to me that it was not right for me to come here after Sawyer like this! Why did I do this work?
As soon as I stood up, I saw all the classmates of Sayar standing around Sayar and Trina. I could not stand after hearing what everyone was saying in unison. My legs were shaking. I kept my balance on the wall with my hands. !
Fifty roses in Sayer's hand, a smile on his face, a bright face. Anyone can tell by looking at his eyes how happy he is!
Trina has a smile on her face too. The girl looks amazing even in this dim light of twilight. She is wearing white sari. That color will be liked. Trina looked at Sayar's hand and smiled and said, "Looks like there are less roses here?"
Sayer said with a mischievous smile, "If you accept the proposal, you will get the remaining fifty, not before."
Trina laughed and said, "What if I don't?"
"Then you won't get this fifty," said Sawyer.
Trina stood for a while with a serious face, as if thinking of something. But this time everyone shouted in unison, saying 'Except Him'. Seeing everyone's enthusiasm, Trina smiled and looked at Sayer and said, "I want a hundred roses, not one less."
Everyone clapped their hands together when they heard Trina's words. And Sayer? Sayer hugged Trina with joy in front of my eyes. Everyone around them smiled, just standing alone behind me as if my tears didn't want to accept any obstacle that day.
From then on, I also reduced the meeting with Sayar. He may have caught it. So he often comes home and asks, "Nowadays, if you don't come to your house, it becomes difficult to meet you!"
I smiled uneasily and replied, "It doesn't feel good to go out like before, did I grow up?"
Sayer patted me on the head and said with a smile, "I understand what you have grown up with! If you still press your nose, milk will come out!"
At other times, maybe I would not have fought with him and left him unharmed. But now I do not want to do that. Sadly, I looked outside and let out a sigh. I have to control my mind. But can the mind really be controlled?
This is how our day was going. I was busy controlling my mind, and Sayer was busy with his grass. Maybe this is how our day would have ended, if Sayer's parents and my mother had not taken such a big decision without informing us!
Suddenly one day Sayer grabbed my hand and pulled me to the roof and said very sadly anxiously, "Have you heard anything?"
I looked at Sayer's dry face in surprise and said, "No. Why do you look like that? What happened to you?"
Sayer looked at me with sad eyes and said, "My parents and Auntie arranged our marriage together!"
It was as if I still couldn't understand Sayer. I was even more surprised and said, "Who?"
Sawyer looked at me and said, "Yours and mine!"
Then he took my hand in his fist and said, "You do something. Aunty asks you if you agree to the marriage, then please tell me, you do not agree. No one can save me from such a big danger except you. I don't want to lose anything. But my parents are not listening to me. Please, make an arrangement to break up your marriage. Please keep this whim of mine as a friend for so long. "
Sayer went down from the roof. I went home. My mother asked me to give my opinion. But what should I say?
I've been looking for Sayer for so long, I get so close to him once I say yes. I can't think for a moment without him, I'll get close to him for life. But if I say yes, maybe my friend's whim will not be kept anymore. To a girl, which is beyond my imagination. Even after trying so hard, I could not overcome the fascination of Sawyer. Her presence still shakes my heart. So? How can I live without her for the rest of my life? How can I control myself?
Should I choose love or friendship? What should I tell my mother? "
After writing, he left the diary and sat up. He has made up his mind. He will inform his mother about his decision tomorrow. He took a deep breath. Then he opened the window that had been kept closed for so long. From there, it is clear to Sair, his Sair