I wonder why my sister confronted me about pride. She said I have a lot of it. I thought, why is she confronting me about it? Is it wrong to use pride powder to wash clothes?
Kidding aside, I was a little angry at first when my younger sister told me that I have high pride. Though I did not show my anger. It's a good thing I did not show it.
I acted like, oh, was I like that, kind of thing. So she must have missed that I was angry.
But I had to be honest with myself. After some time of reflecting I have to admit that she was right. But I always knew I had a high pride.
I just didn't realize how irritating I was. She must have kept her emotion in check for a long time now and that she only took courage to say it out just recently.
I will be lying if I tell you that I accepted what she told me. I did not, especially since it came from her. How dare she.
I know I always have this eccentricity in me that it irks me sometimes how dense I am. I just hated it that she told me before I could show how much I've changed.
Here enters the concept of respect and art. I hated it that she had to tell me that. To my face! While she also has those unnecessary mannerisms that I just don't tell her in fear that she might lose the remaining amount of her confidence.
I'm sorry for the rant. Except that she could have artfully told me how I was.
Well, what's done is done but I won't ever give her the satisfaction of taking pride that she told me something like that. No way. She should learn as well.
But even my ranting here is the very evidence of my pride. I hate it even more.
I needed to eat this. But I can't eat pride. Really. It will bubble on my mouth and I might die even before I get rid of this bad habit of badmouthing those who intend to help me.
We, as siblings, always have this mind game that gets tiring most of the time. What's wrong with them is that they tell bad things about me just because of jealousy. It's not out of love. I know I know. I would have accepted their remarks wholeheartedly if they have shown that it was out of love and not because of simply trying to get the satisfaction of watching me flustered. Shame on them.
Sorry again, I said that. Now I feel better.
Now that I feel better, I ought to just show them that I have lowered my pride and that they have nothing to worry about.
They lent me money when I was struggling with my debts when I was scammed. They also showed their support and this sister I was mentioning a while back was the one who has been my emotional support. I ought to thank her for that.
I hope she realizes that her silence and ears are always better than saying things upfront. I have mixed emotions just because I did a lot of wrongs.
But may I just thank this platform for allowing me to rant a little? But sorry. I hope this is still acceptable.
In short, I am telling you that saying things can be done more nicely.
I forgive myself for letting others step all over me those times I was in a bad situation. We all rise and that's what matters.
I have not picked up my whole self yet after my dramatic season but I am slowly making progress into having my normal life back.
But what's normal? I forgot. For forever I have forgotten how it felt like to be normal.
My heart still cries when I think about things.
Once and for all I want to simply accept my sister's remark and try to change my bad habit of having a very high pride.
I can just have a better way of taking things lightly but seriously. Lightly to lessen the emotional baggage. And seriously to let me mark it on my soul so I won't ever trudge the same crooked path I trudged before.
So help me, God.