When a loved one struggles from depression, it can be difficult to know how to support them. Emotional help, in addition to practical assistance, can be extremely beneficial. The issue is that we may be concerned or afraid of saying the wrong thing, or we may be unsure of what to do. Maybe we feel we aren't able to provide emotional support. Yet we – all – are. Listening does not necessitate a qualification.
Listen
When anyone isn't paying attention to us, it's very clear. When someone says they want to listen to us but then becomes distracted, it may sound like we're a bother and they're not as interested as they assert. There is a distinction to be made between hearing and listening.
When we are down, one of the things that can happen is that everything slows down. Our emotions, acts, and words can all be slowed down. This could mean that it takes us longer to articulate our thoughts than is considered "natural." Please bear with us. Please give us some time. We'll get there in the end.
Other means of contact should not be overlooked. Behavior is a form of communication. Communication may take the form of writing, drawing, or signing. Allow us the time and space to communicate with you in the manner that suits us best at the time.
Verify what we've told you. When we're depressed, we're also really harsh on ourselves. Our own stigma may be worse than the stigma we face from others. We'll tell ourselves to "get over it," "stop being so ridiculous," and "no one wants to listen to us." Treacle has the ability to cling to our feet and clog our minds. Nonetheless, we'll hold ourselves to the same high standards we've always held ourselves to.
Let us know that you see how hard we're working and that you understand how difficult this is. Recognize how difficult it can be to talk.
Sit
We don't always want to chat. We don't have much to say, and even if we did, we'd be at a loss for words.
We occasionally need someone to sit with us so that we are not alone, however we do not wish to converse. We might want to turn on some background noise, such as a movie, TV show, music, or the radio. Make a jigsaw puzzle together. Play a game of cards. Take a trip. Keep an eye out for wildlife. Alternatively, you could just sit and watch the world go by.
Take a moment to pause with us. Depression is lonely, and while we may want to be alone at times, the gaping black void of isolation can also be as all-consuming as depression itself. Sitting next to us helps to close the gaping hole a little, giving us some relief.
We don't need to speak to provide emotional support.
Reach in
When it comes to mental health, the term "reach out" is commonly used. “Reach out,” “call a helpline,” “text a friend,” “tell someone,” and “you are not alone” are all popular phrases.
The problem is that depression often erodes our self-confidence and trust in the world. It has the potential to impair our ability to manage multi-step processes (such as thinking of who to text, finding their number, thinking about what to write, writing it, and pressing send).
For some, calling a helpline may be a choice, but others may feel unworthy. Calling someone isn't a choice for some of us because we have trouble with phones and find them unavailable. We can only communicate through email or text. Some people dislike conversing with strangers. There might be feelings of guilt as well. Or it may be a cultural aversion to finding assistance.
Reaching out can be difficult for a variety of reasons, and each person who has difficulty doing so has their own set of circumstances and reasons.
Depending on our relationship with the person we're helping, reaching in will take various forms. Daily texts to check in and remind us that you're there can seem to others. Messages like "I saw this and thought of you" may be appreciated by others. Others feel that a weekly or biweekly video/phone call or visit is useful. It's a lot easier to keep a conversation going than it is to launch one.
It's worth remembering that when we're depressed, it can be difficult to react to anything. A lack of response, however, does not imply that messages have gone unnoticed. We often read and appreciate messages but lack the energy or mental capacity to respond. Please don't abandon us.
