Cracks

I stood to socialize, everyone present were friends so it would be easy and fun to mingle. I was feeling so confident in the pink trousers and floral top I wore, the sandals were old but didn't show. I smiled, the girl beside me smiled also, warmly. We hugged. No one went home yet, still there place wasn't filled.

Why?

I realized.

Groups. Small clusters of people here and there, making the crowd shrink.

Not good...or good?

He stood, just there in that bold shirt and dark colored pants. Alone. Odd... Usually he would be in one of the many clusters. I moved and so did he. I smiled and he did too, disarmingly, but it was just a smile to me. His lips moved, words rolled out but only the sound of air my lips picked up. So I smiled and nodded. Moved on.

Then she. Oh she! Talking.... With someone I haven't seen in a long time, a friend. I became the third wheel. They talked, something funny, we all laughed. I commented, something funny, but my words were carried away by the evening's cool breeze.

I changed position. They talked on, still I wasn't heard.

I pinched myself. Pain, white lines where my nails had been, I rubbed the pain away. I was there but I wasn't there. I walked away, saw him again in the bold shirt, that smile seemed to soothe rather than pity. I turned back towards them in time to hear what he said last. We laughed, she spoke, he replied. Smiling, I sat, spoke, but this time even the wind didn't bother to pick my words.

I was there! But still I wasn't!

We used to be close until a third party invaded us. But I was to blame I admit. That third party had my full approval. I thought I was helping a friend. I heard a crack, turned my head -that bold shirt again. That smile. Then I realized that crack came from inside me.

My heart?

My head?

Friendship?

He came closer and smiled. I looked up from his bold shirt up to his face. His disarming smile. Yes, disarming. I stood and walked with him.

Cheerful.

Smile.

I looked back, saw him..... and her, so engrossed they didn't notice my absence. Had they even noticed my presence then? They looked so happy. Again I smiled, heard a faint crack. Very faint. If only they hadn't locked me out so harshly.

I looked at him in the bold shirt. Smiled.

No third party.

No cracks.

I rested.

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