Have you encountered so much problems in life? Do you feel everytime you smile it gives a thousand sadness? Is it normal happening in this world. Yes, its really happening to me, everytime I feel happiness I receive a lot of sadness. I don't know if it is a curse to me but it is hard for me to cry and cry everytime I encounter sadness. I don't know the problem if it is me or anyone because I always do my best in one thing but its not enough. I'm always blamed to fault that I didn't do and I'm always accepting it eventhough its not my fault because I'm that type of a person to catch every problems so that people on my sorroundings cannot harm,
I'm always a decoy that ready to catch bullets for others, but I'm human too I feel pain and when I'm full I cried a lot without noise so that people inside the house will not notice it. Maybe someone will say I'm just acting, but this acting is true, there are different suicidal thoughts in my mind but I'm just thinking a way to make my thoughts gone and I'm happy that online games and funny videos helps me to relieve the pain that I have. You can't notice me that I have problem because I'm just a silent person and I'm more likely to be alone. I always get away to people and I don't like to interact with them, maybe because I'm afraid to be judge by them, there are instances that I interact with people but I choose to act and have fun to them so that they will not think I'm not like them.
Thats the world I have living in a world that full of judgements and its makes myself very low, my family underestimates my capacity and they didn't support my work thats why everytime I have achievements,I didn't share it to them and I always hide it to them because I know they don't care. Myself is the only ally I have, everytime I cry myself makes pity to me and I talk to myself that everything will be okay. I know there are lots of people who experiencing the situation similar to me and I hope there will be no thoughts of suiciding, I'm here to talk because I know the pain we experiencing. I'm advising you to try to watch funny videos or playing online games to escape from cruelty of this world. In the end i know we will achieve the happiness we admire, just trust to yourself and never give up in life and don't grant the problems to swallow you and makes you do bad things.
