If there’s one thing that’s driven me mad in life, I’d say especially after graduating from university, but even later when doing this it’s been obsessing over the idea of finding a purpose in life, my purpose, this one thing that’s supposed to be my calling here on earth, and dealing with the fear of finding it too late or, worse, not finding it at all.
I would (and still sometimes do, although not nearly as often) struggle with questions like “what if I would’ve stuck with playing chess and I would’ve become a champion?” or “what if I’m really good at something that I don’t know I’m really good at, and so I’m using my talent without knowing it?”.
Ultimate “What if I was meant to do something other than I’m doing right now?”
I think I’ve always believed in the idea of having a life purpose. Now, I don’t mean the purpose of life as a whole, I simply mean my personal, individual purpose; an idea that has made me believe that there must be a perfect way to live my life and that I just need to figure out what that is. I think it’s quite stressful for a lot of people. But luckily for me, I don’t think that way anymore. Not really.
Now before we get into the juiciness, I want to say that, there is so much to read on purpose. Articles and publications by actual researchers and psychologist. I’m neither of those things.
So, please, if you’re searching for scientifically proven ideas and findings on this topic, this is not the place for that. This is not “the right way” to think of anything.
We’re just buddies having a conversation, and these are my thoughts on the topic. I believe that this conversation will be encouraging and liberating, at least it’s been for me, so just bear with me.
So, let’s define life purpose. I couldn’t find one universally agreed upon definition, so I’ll just go with this definition that I found in an article which I’ll link below: “Your life purpose consists of the central motivating aims of your life—the reasons you get up in the morning.” And then he writes: “Having a purpose in life is one of the fundamental factors of happiness.
Without it, you’ll live your life less focused, less efficient and you’ll often feel restless and stressed because you don’t feel aligned with the things you do.” - Living a successful life - Making positive connections with others and enjoying those around you - Providing for your family Ok cool, so now we have something to go on.
The things that a lot, if not most, people want in life. So, I guess “finding your purpose” then means finding the thing that will bring us one or more of those things that I just mentioned.
Ok, so, sounds pretty clear to me! So, what’s the problem? Well, as late as a year ago, I would’ve read that paragraph, nodding my head thinking “yep, holy cow, I need to find this purpose thing or else I’ll be miserable”.
But I’ve been re-evaluating and challenging those previous beliefs of mine. And this is where we get to the core of all of this: I’m not questioning the value of the things that “finding a purpose” supposedly brings us—a drive, a reason to get up in the morning, something to push us forward and contribute to the world, let’s use the word “fulfilment” from now on to describe all those things, for the sake of simplicity-- I consider all those things to be important. But I’m questioning if “finding a purpose” is the way to get there.
So, I’d like to bring up a few points that I’ve been thinking about. For starters, I think that believing that each of us is here for some specific purpose and that the price of finding that purpose would be like achieving the highest form of fulfilment, would be to minimize the human experience.
We’re not like razors where our sole purpose is to help remove hair; we’re not machines or things. I simply think humans are far too complex for that idea, and I also think it’s limiting in the way that it might make us get tunnel-vision.
This brings me to my second point: I think it can cause a lot of anxiety. For a lot of us, feeling like we haven’t “found” “it”, whatever that means, or that we can’t quite pinpoint what “it” is for us, can make us feel like failures or just really lost.
I also think it can be seen as this impossible task, where any “purpose” that we have in mind isn’t “big” enough or “special” enough compared to others.
What even is considered a good enough purpose to have? Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, I’ve started asking myself: what’s the purpose of finding my life purpose? Is it supposed to be this magic spell for long-lasting happiness?
Is it that, once we’ve found this purpose, only then will we be truly fulfilled? I don’t think that’s always true. And how about until then Do we just settle for “unfulfillment” until hopefully, one day we’ll find our purpose, which may or may not exist?
So, if it’s not “life purpose” that will bring us all of the things we just talked about, the things that most humans want and need, what’s going to bring it then?
This is my current philosophy on this: by living a life that aligns with the things I value and believe in and doing so every day, instead of living life thinking that there’s this big thing I’m supposed to discover called “purpose” which is going to make everything feel just right.
For instance, I value learning and developing my character, so I feel like I’m living purposefully when I write and read and have interesting conversations with people.
I value new experiences, so I feel like I’m living purposefully when letting myself be led by things like curiosity, bravery and through keeping an open mind. I value my job and achievements, so I feel like I’m living purposefully when I’m being productive, organized and creative and when I get joy out of those things.
I value being a nice person, so I feel like I’m living purposefully when saying “thank you”. I value my relationships, so I feel like I’m living purposefully when I call a friend.
I value peace, so I feel like I’m living purposefully by learning to acknowledge when to step away from conflict and when I need to apologize. The list goes on.
So, what I’m trying to get at is that, in my book, I believe that it’s the many, many purposes - smaller ones and bigger ones – that bring fulfilment and all the other things we talked about. Now, how can I be so sure that this is a better way of thinking about purpose Well, I can’t be.
And I’m not. But ever since having this shift in mindset, I’ve felt What have I’ve felt… More at peace with life, I guess. So, as for now, I think I’ll stick with it.
That's it for today, thank you for reading my article and GOD BLESS
