Vague rambling written a few hours ago:
You remind me of who I learned to lose. The commonality is I never had them. The commonality is I walk like a joke, but my reality rings in my words. I cannot stand the human things you do, the space you keep. I just want to be anywhere in the world - with you. I don't think I want much but I also think like I do. You are at arm's length no matter how close because part of my dilemma is you will always for now be less tall. I didn't ask to grow fast, but in some way I guess I always do. Really, I'm just looking for a life I can understand... And you don't live near that world. You live in your own world. I should be tending to my own world. Realizing I may have not properly cultivated my own personality as a child, it does not feel like much of my own world to tend to or welcome. It all turns out to be about everything, doesn't it?
Dear Freud, away you go, and please don't come back again. i push you away because i do not care about the deeper meaning of my subconscious. it keeps reminding me of what i lack and what i wish i have, but his reoccurring presence in the after hours means nothing to me. i welcome dreams, come and go as you please, but i'd prefer certain thoughts to stay at home because i close after 11 o'clock pm. i stop myself before i ask you why i continue to be haunted in my sleep. i'd hire a thousand priests before i'd even think to allow you inside of my mind to perform a thorough analysis of what you believe my dreams supposedly mean. i do not love him.