When news broke about the enhanced quarantine community, I was in a strange state of disbelief and anxiety in between. A sobering combination of worries and concerns was the mental limbo of being in a terrifying situation. Every day we spend in solitary confinement slowly strip away any semblance of normalcy. It's hard to ignore the disturbing feelings creeping up on me because it's not always my decision to stay indoors.
At this point, staying at home is imperative, but the uncertainty it brings (When will I see my friends again? Was the last time we met actually going to be the last? Why do I feel so listless?) can get overwhelming.
This physical disconnection from other people make you feel unnerved and hollow, well, to put it in a more familiar feeling: lonely. It doesn't help the daring to think about isolation at a time like this brings a tinge of shame with it. Unlike anything else that can be recognized as an issue right away, quarantine isolation is an subtle problem.
During the gaps between the songs on your playlist, the void you face when the film finishes on your laptop, the time it takes to wait for you to boil water for the next packet of instant ramen — these are all ways to fill the empty spaces with nervous thoughts.
Yet I found that I was allowing those disturbing thoughts to get stronger by closing myself off with feelings of remorse. This was easier to let them simmer at the back of my mind than confronting them and learning to cope. Since then I have learned that the first step in coping with these emotions is to be honest enough with yourself to understand that those feelings are genuine.
I was not weak for being anxious three weeks ago. I am not weak now for grieving. Acknowledging that has allowed me to function and be proactive, rather than feeling paralyzed by uncertainty.
I made room for sincere conversations with other people, by being honest with myself. I could openly tell friends I needed to talk to somebody and tell them. During this time I wanted to make an attempt to reconnect with more friends than I would have when all of this happened. Thankfully they replied with the same candor and transparency. I found that my feelings of loneliness and loss weren’t manifestations of selfishness. At one point everyone is mired in these same feelings of isolation that I have come to fear.
Instead of pushing myself to work on creative projects or concentrate on becoming productive, I gave myself permission to take action to fix that by recognizing my loneliness.
Now is the time for to reach out. Do yourself a favor at the end of each day, and call your mom or that close friend whom you drifted apart with. Both for your sakes.
I see you for those who have family issues or are trapped in an unwelcoming family environment. This is hard. Know there are welcoming online communities via Facebook groups, subreddits and even fandoms on Twitter, or even here in Read.Cash. Find a safe place. Connect with friends who understand your situation.
You don't have to speak to someone at times, try to get relaxed with the isolation. Especially if you are extroverted and find days spent holed up in your room oppressive. However, seeking indoor activities to compensate for your outdoor experiences will help you adapt to what they pertain as the new normal.
Go and take pictures on your camera, and let them be hideous. Write a poem no publisher will consider. Paint on Instagram with no intention of making it post-worthy. No pressure ... No pressure.
Otherwise allow yourself to play that game, read that comic or watch that movie. I don't even talk about the media you need to consume for study. Yeah, you finally have time to stream the classic Lav Diaz, but don't even try to combat it if your brain wants boring B-movie entertainment, either. To be productive you owe it to yourself not to add any pressure. We did enough of that pre-pandemic.
Those silent moments still creep up on me, now and then. Yet understanding what they are and getting to know myself how to handle them has made me feel less lonely and a little more at home.
Hi.
I know a lot of you experience the same feelings I did. I wanted to let you all know that your feelings are valid. You can also share with me how you've been holding up; we can talk.
Stay safe and stay at home!
