In fact, in the modern world, no one limits our choice, we can start a relationship with anyone, regardless of social status, dynastic ties, race, religion and hundreds of other selection criteria. However, most often manage to choose just such a partner, with whom a difficult relationship arises and a state of a kind of psychological conflict is constantly maintained. In reality, it turns out that, in the end, both partners simply suffer. In fact, choosing a partner in your life is not an accident. Each of us chooses exactly the person with whom he will experience certain emotions. Moreover, as numerous observations show, in a difficult relationship, both partners find the emotion he needs only.
Once again, trying to solve the problem in adulthood, you come to the conclusion that the solutions lie in childhood, precisely at the age when our consciousness, character, and personality were being formed. It seems that outwardly we are changing, but in the subconscious it is precisely the processes that were laid down in the first years of our life that operate. It turns out that these are children in the costume of adults. The theme that our subconscious mind determines the overwhelming percentage of our actions can be traced in many articles on the site and confirmed by numerous studies and opinions of authoritative authors. Today's article touches on the aspect of how our subconscious mind affects our relationship with a soul mate.
When we were little, we absorbed information from the people around us, including the behavior of each of the parents towards their child left a serious imprint on each of us. Many people know the opinion that we choose a spouse who looks like a dad and a spouse who looks like a mother. This is partly true. But, in reality, the situation is much deeper. We are looking for a soul mate to experience the feeling of love that a person received from both parents and possibly from brothers and sisters.
The whole problem is that for true love we take the attitude of mom and dad, in the form in which we saw it from them in relation to ourselves. That is why, in the imagination of every person, love acquires so many shades and meanings. And not always, on closer examination, this love has something to do with real feeling. Almost always, the model copied from the parents serves as a toxic scenario for romantic relationships. This is the deepest topic in psychology, since this phenomenon has a great impact on a person's entire life. Within the framework of the article, we will consider common cases for an example.
Moms often experience subconscious jealousy of their daughters in relation to dad and, as a result, there are often cases when moms blame their daughters for their failures, especially when it comes to the difficult relationship between mom and dad. Dads, in turn, often "carry" their daughters in their arms, overly love them. But, if a man is weak in character, then he does not always openly express his love and the daughter has to seek a demonstration of this love. Or, when dads leave the family, daughters have a fear that they will be abandoned. It seems to the child that his parents love. Parents will also deliberately claim to love their children as much as possible. But, at the subconscious level, a completely different mechanism is laid.
In adulthood, the girl from the example will look for exactly the same love that she experienced in childhood from her parents, namely the feeling of guilt from her mother and the pursuit of love from her father. And already being a woman, she will choose such a man as her partner, from whom she will seek love and feel guilty for all failures. This is the toxic scenario of the relationship. Moreover, often the partner will find in this union the embodiment of his own scenario. For example, if he had a strict mother, then in a relationship he will most likely be passive and wait for instructions. Thus, the people from the examples will ideally fit together, realizing their love scenarios.
An example is provided to demonstrate how the toxic scenario works. Each person has his own. It is important to answer yourself the question - what real feeling did you feel in relation to mom and what in relation to dad and trace the correlation with the current relationship with your partner. You will surely find these emotions in your union. Such scenarios lead to chronic problems in relationships, but the realities of the subconscious, which determines our entire life, are such that partners specially created these relationships in order to feed on this feeling, since in the subconscious it is perceived as love.
There is only one way out. It is important to understand your scenario and track it in your relationship. You will understand that almost all your life you have done everything for the sake of one goal - to experience the love that you first experienced from your parents. But, the feeling that you mistake love for is just a toxic scenario that often poisons life. And if you are not aware of it, then it will work again and again, because it is recorded like a program in the foundations of your subconscious mind.
When you can get rid of the power of this scenario, you will go the road of building a harmonious relationship with your partner to true love. This path requires mutual effort and a mutual desire to change. The topic of the article is complex, not everyone will find it easy to accept the existence of this problem, let alone solve it. However, the problem is not new and is basic in psychoanalysis , which is never too late to get acquainted with.
