Taken for granted; not anymore (sudden realisation)

My life has been going without direction for some time; I feel lost, empty, feel like I've not been good enough and not been doing the right thing, and this is the bitter truth. I've been trying to understand my purpose for quite some time but I can't seem to grasp it; thinking about it each time makes it even tougher and I've got no idea where to begin or what to do... I sometimes feel like I'm not doing enough or not doing anything at all as time constantly passes by me daily without fulfilling a strand out of my purpose of existence.... it suddenly dawned on me that I've been living without letting God lead; as life without God is a life without a purpose...

I have not been praying, not been commnicating with with God like I used to; I've not committed myself into prayer for a very long time, neither have I put myself into the study of his word; I'm guilty of all these and there's no denying that I've gotten too busy with life that all I have is excuses and reasons to not pray. Excuses like "I get so busy during the day that my brain shuts down at night", "I feel so tired that all I need is sleep"; I've been sleeping since I was born yet I still have to sleep everyday thus showing how vain the concept of sleep is as compared to the glory of God which we choose to ignore by claiming we're so tired that all we need is sleep. Sleep we will get, but what happens when we sleep and do not wake up anymore, who is going to be blamed, ourselves or God? Of course God can't be blamed for our mistakes and act of negligence. I am guilty of being so busy that I do not render a word of prayer even just for two minutes; after all we create time for what we're interested in hence being busy isn't an excuse as there are so many times within 24 hours when we simply stare into deep space and think about nothing but oblivion, we keep ourselves busy throughout the day while thinking about self empowerment and going on a journey towards self discovery and improvement without ckmsoderimg the all-father who knows it all and sees the end from the beginning; almost like we are in his very own Matrix.

Was on bed and with the intention to retire for the night when thoughts like these crossed my mind; I have been unfaithful, unrighteous, unworthy, yet his unending grace has always been sufficient; this grace has been taken for granted more times than I can remember yet he is always willing to wipe the slate clean. I thought about my lack of communication with God, my diminished prayer life, my conscious sins and blasphemous acts on several occasions; yet when the children of God are asked to gather I choose to play along; this is a sincere act of neglecting what really matters, and chasing after materials in a bod for survival has become the watchword as soon as I wake up, without considering that someone out there (God) has decided that I should wake up, someone out there decided to give me one more chance every single day yet I choose to take this chance for granted.

I have taken this grace for granted but not anymore as I have come to realise my mistakes, my flaws, my imperfection and my sins... I have gotten so busy chasing after the wind while forgetting that life is transient, life is fleeting, life can be taken away by the creator in the twinkle of an eye and the final regret will turn out to be a forever regret..... hash-tag there are no redo's in death... for once you're dead it all ends and everything you were busy chasing while on earth will no longer be yours but for a stranger that has no idea how it all came through.

Struggling for survival daily is important, aiming for financial security is important as well, referencing God is even more important after all it's a life of vanity; eternity awaits and what would be our excuse when the time of reckoning finally comes...

I thought about all these last night before retiring to bed and realised how careless I have been...I have taken his grace for granted but not anymore....

Toddles!

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